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palalu · Jul 10, 2008, 07:56 AM

My husband and I had a fight and not in good terms because my 16 year old daughter confronted me with my husband and blamed me that her friends doesn't like her anymore because of me . I have been helping her batch to raise funds and work just to support her batch... but I had a misunderstanding with one parent and it became a big issue. She is being bullied at school and some kids tell bad things etc. I feel so sorry for my daughter and I didn't expect that things would be that bad for her. She was shouting at me when she confronted me and it came to the point that I spanked her on her leg. My husband sort of ( went off the wrong way ) and beat me as well... in front of our daughters. I feel so down for the past days... even so that my daughter is now talking to me. Things are not the same anymore and that my husband didn't even disciplined my daughter that time to stop shouting at me. I don't know what to say because I feel I want to die. I hope you can help me on this matter. Thank you and God bless.

N0help4u · Jul 10, 2008, 08:02 AM

Sounds like you got into a problem that you should have left to your daughter and then your husband got into a problem he should have left to you and your daughter. It sounds like it is something your husband and your daughter just want to get over and leave in the past.
Maybe it would be best if you do the same.

NowWhat · Jul 10, 2008, 08:06 AM

Has this happened before? Your husband hitting you?

16 year olds typically don't like their parents. That is just the way it is. She will grow out of it and come around. But, she should not be shouting at you or disrespecting you. That is not okay.

You husband shoud NEVER lay a hand on you. EVER! I would get in to counseling fast if you are choosing to stay with this man. And I would tell him that he will never lay a hand on you again or you are gone. Bottom line.

tickle · Jul 10, 2008, 08:07 AM

palalu, my heart and sympathy are with you in this difficult time am so sorry it has to be this in way in your household. I know from experience how you feel, although my son and I are the best of friends, he does so much for me. He has witnessed some bad times as well, so doesn't feel the same way about his father and never will unfortunately.

Please get this behind you as you must do in order to carry on through your days. Your main focus, of course, is your daughter and getting back to terms with her and improving the situation between you and she. Pay no mind to your husband, keep your own counsel so it doesn't happen again and you get seriously hurt during a confrontation.

I can only say that you have come to the right place to discuss this. I must say though, that you know what you have to do if he ever lays a hand on you again, you must call the police just so he knows that it is not acceptable and you do have this resource.

God bless

palalu · Jul 10, 2008, 09:44 PM

I want to thank you for the advice that you gave me and I appreciate that you understand my situation. I feel that I did wrong specially that my daughter is already 16 and it's wrong to lay hands on her even if she has done wrong. I guess that's what eating me most. My husband said sorry although this is not the first time he did this to me. In our country most women are submissive. I somehow I feel that I deserve it. My husband is a good person but I don't know what it means if he is siding with our daughter instead of mediator between our kids and help matters. He is even saying bad things about me in front of our kids.

Thank you and I am going to attend bible study to help me spiritually and emotionally.

posey_84 · Jul 11, 2008, 06:13 AM

What an awful situation, all I have to say is that I watched my mother going through mental and occasional physical abuse at the hands of my father and this may contribute to the reason your daughter is going through such an angry time and why she is being quite difficult. I know this was true for me. If the parents aren't happy it can feel to a child that there is no security and the home is not a comfortable place to be. I think a good idea would be family couselling x

heyu33 · Jul 12, 2008, 12:56 AM

Sounds like an aweful situation! Sounds like things got out of hand between all of you. If this is a pattern where your husband hits you, then that's completely unacceptable. You have to get out. If this is a one time thing... you should talk to your husband first, about why and how NEVER to get that far again. Then you should both sit down with your daughter and explain your mistake so that isn't a defining moment in her life. People make mistakes... don't ignore it, learn from it, grow from it.

AandZ4ever · Jul 12, 2008, 01:53 AM

LEAVE HIM god I'm tired of all helpless women GOD JUST LEAVE HIM!

OKPARANTA PATRI · Jul 12, 2008, 02:06 AM

Originally Posted by palalu

My husband and I had a fight and not in good terms because my 16 year old daughter confronted me with my husband and blamed me that her friends doesn't like her anymore because of me . I have been helping her batch to raise funds and work just to support her batch... but I had a misunderstanding with one parent and it became a big issue. She is being bullied at school and some kids tell bad things etc. I feel so sorry for my daughter and I didnt expect that things would be that bad for her. She was shouting at me when she confronted me and it came to the point that i spanked her on her leg. My husband sort of ( went off the wrong way ) and beat me as well ... in front of our daughters. I feel so down for the past days ... even so that my daughter is now talking to me. things are not the same anymore and that my husband didn't even disciplined my daughter that time to stop shouting at me. I dont know what to say 'coz I feel I want to die. I hope you can help me on this matter. Thank you and God bless.

It is your husband no matter what he does call him, your bed and pillow is where problems are solve sit him down and talk to him to causion your daughter before things get out of hand and as for your daughter they said train up children in a way they should grow and with the fear of God it depends how you and your husband brought her up or the type of friends she hang out with. She is not too big to control.

confusedbyitall · Jul 14, 2008, 04:24 PM

I don't know what your husband did exactly, obviously, and you didn't describe much, but if he beat you... I don't feel I'd recommend anything other than what might be considered instigating speech. If I were a friend of yours... I wouldn't stand for it, let's put it that way. If you love him, set him down and have a talk. He needs to be talked to, not with. If it doesn't suit him, get counseling if you'd like. What I would do should not be in print.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 14, 2008, 05:26 PM

What exactly did the husband do, did he hit you on the leg like you did the daughters as an example of it was wrong or did he flatten you by hitting you in the face?

First you were wrong to hit your daughter and she well could report you to children services, the leg is not a spankng point and to be honest a 16 year old is too old to be spanked.

Your husband was wrong no matter what, but I will hold off on how wrong till I hear more to what happened.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 14, 2008, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

what exactly did the husband do, did he hit you on the leg like you did the daughters as an example of it was wrong or did he flatten you by hitting you in the face ??

First you were wrong to hit your daughter and she well could report you to children services, the leg is not a spankng point and to be honest a 16 year old is too old to be spanked.

Your husband was wrong no matter what, but I will hold off on how wrong till I hear more to what happened.

I agree to a point. The only thing is that she stated that her husband has done something like that before to her? I guess your right we need to know exactly what he did, does not make it right for neither parent to have reacted that way.

The major theme to this post which is the most important. Counseling is the only next step to take in this family to really recover or even try to recover from this stressful situation in the family.

skunkman44 · Jul 16, 2008, 01:13 PM

Cut your loses run like the wind. I have seen many women with same story and it never turns out good.

confusedbyitall · Jul 16, 2008, 08:18 PM

Did you dump him yet? That type of behavior is horrible. What if the next time he breaks your jaw, or arm, or worse? If you haven't dumped him, well, it shows hopefully that you are stronger and more patient than I would be, but at least make sure he and you see someone to let that therapist know what it is he did and have him subsequently see the therapist for anger management at a bare minimum. I actually would love to hear that that is exactly how it ends up happening and you two live happily ever after, but I'm afraid that the worst could, maybe, be yet to come. I hope not. Be careful and protect yourself.

Alty · Jul 16, 2008, 08:22 PM

I would like to know where the OP lives. She said that in her country women are submissive. This might be a case where leaving isn't an option.