[beckyt]

My grandma was not like other grandma's, she was quite an old lady but she had the sense of humour of a young woman with twice as much wit and charm about her. I know people can be close to their relatives but I spent every day for thepast 20years seeing her and sleeping over at her house, anyone would have thought we were friends and not grandma and granddaughter.
She was so strong and when we found that she had cancer I can't believe how naïve I was now looking back. I guess because I saw her everyday and she never really talked about it to me, and she looked fine I guess I just thought that it would go away as quickly as it came. I remember my mum telling me that she had gotten the all clear and I thought how wonderful that was. However when the cancer came back I had no idea that less than a year later I would lose the most important thing in the world to me.
Gran was in hospital a few times but still was as cheery and bright as ever so never thought it was as bad as it was, it was when my mum sat me down one night and told me that the doctors believed that she may have only a few weeks left.
Still even with trying to prepare myself that even though the hospital had done all they could I never believed that my grandma would die, she was still joking and so beautiful.
But then the cancer seemed to just take hold almost over night she went from a smiling and chatty lady, to an old lady with oxygen tanks and injections and morphine 24/7. I remember getting the call early hours of the morning and trying to get my head around the fact that she was going to die that night, me and my mum held her hand and talked to her not knowing if she could hear us but praying she could. We tried to comfort her and sang her favorite songs like Save the last dance for me and Over the rainbow.
I remember thinking that the pain of watching her like this was too much to bear and it would be kinder to her if she passed away, however the reality of losing her was going to be far more painful.
It was almost like a slowed down movie, all of a sudden her breathing became so slow and quiet and she slowly slipped away whilst I held her hand.

My grandma had left me a goodbye letter and her first engagement ring in it which to my own dying day I will never take off. It doesn't feel like she has gone though and although I know she has died in her letter she promised she would always be watching over me. I feel like I don't know who to go to when I need someone to gossip or laugh or cry with anymore. Me n my mum are closer now but the bond me and my gran had was something truly unique.

How can I know if she is there still protecting me?? Is there anything I can do... I have never believed in ghosts or spirits before but I strongly have a feeling that there is something there but I don't know where to look to find it.

Please can someone give me some guidance, I truly don't want to sound rude but I am not a religious person so please don't tell me about jesus. I honestly do not mean that to sound so awful its just I trully want to know how I can be closer to my gran again.

[N0help4u]

If you feel a presence sometimes that you never felt before then she is there.
She is very likely there even if you don't feel her.
Even if you are not religious doesn't mean she is not with Jesus and watching over you.

[N0help4u]

You can say I love you grandma or whatever when you think of her or feel her presence.

[brennlee]

When I was a little girl of 11 I lost my Uncle Harry. He was very close to me like your Gran... I did not understand why he died, and it was cancer also. He went from taking me to the movies to being in a hospital over night...

The night after he died, he visited me. I had gone to sleep but I swear I was awake when it happened. He told me everything was OK and he was happy. He even opened my jewelry box which played a beautiful song. That is how I woke up that morning... the jewelry box was playing that song and it was about to be played out. I sat up and realized what happened. WHen I told my mom, she told me I had been dreaming and I was upset by his death. I was almost afraid to tell his wife ( My aunt Peg) but when I told her she hugged me and said " I know darlin, He came to see me too!" then she asked me everything that happened and smiled and started crying...

TO this day I know it was not just a dream.