[joy howard]

I have a 27 year old daughter that is bipolar, still in college and 2 kids. Her father and I divorced when she was 5. Her father was an alcoholic and died when she was 15 due to liver complications. I have been the only constant in her life besides my parents. I have tried to raise her and teach her respect, responsibility etc. She has over $40,000 in credit card debt and does not have a job. Her Grandmother... my Mother has bailed her out 3 times previously, bought her 2 new cars and waits on her hand and foot. She leaves her children with my 70 year old Mother for days at a time while she sleeps late, goes shopping, or to the local water park to work on her tan. She has always been very disrespectful to my Parents, however I will not tolerate it and since I don't she has now decided to assault me via e-mails that are very nasty, and just downright hurtful. Talks about what a terrible Mother I am and has decided that the only person who has ever loved her is her dead Father, whom by the way did not see her from the time she was 5 years old until about a month before he knew he was going to die. My Mother loves to stir stuff if you know what I mean and totally enables my daughter's behavior. This relationship is not healthy and although I have done a lot for my daughter financially as well as with her minor children she has it in her mind I have never done anything for her or her children and says in an e-mail to me that she has decided it is just too much trouble for her to continue a relationship with me and therefore has decided she is done. My question is how do I handle her and my Mother and still manage to see my grandchildren since my Mother is the one who keeps them most of the time? If I go there to see them she will pump me for insight on "My feelings" about what is going on only so she can go back to my 27 year old daughter. I feel my Mother is in heaven when there are issues between my daughter and I and don't want her interference so I am looking for advise on how to respond to my daughter's e-mails, see the children, and stay above board. I did respond to her e-mail by saying that I love her and will be here if she changes her mind. What else do you suggest.

Joy

[Fr_Chuck]

Ignore emails, and ignore daughter if she is not treating your properly.

But to be honest grandmother needs to start cutting off the wallet and starting to only do the bare mim for her also.

[N0help4u]

Sounds like she has you between a rock and a hard place and NOTHING you do will get you to be able to see your grand children unless she 'feels' like letting you. She is enjoying the power and as long as she sees it is hurting you she is going to keep it up.
I bet she doesn't even read your emails. Don't bother reading hers. She hasn't said anything worth reading in any of them has she?

The only thing I can even see happening is if you can get your mom away for a day and talk to her don't even bring up your daughter or grandchildren or anything to do with the situation or examples. Just ask her where things went between the two of you and if it is possible to reestablish a relationship between the two of you.

How she treats your daughter is THEIR problem. Don't even get involved talking about it AT ALL.