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DMA · Jul 7, 2008, 04:55 PM

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

albear · Jul 7, 2008, 05:03 PM

I would recommend that the best thing to would be to find an out let in which you can release the emotions and feelings that make you feel this way, something that you can fully get into that will help releave the stress.

bushg · Jul 7, 2008, 05:04 PM

Dma, you need to get into contact with a hospital or counseling center, they can evaluate you and get you started on some medicine, which just might help you.
SuicideHotlines.com - When You Feel You Can't Go On -- Let Someone Know Your Pain.

mels mom · Jul 7, 2008, 05:05 PM

Wait it out , things will change I promis you. I've been there , I know. If you were to end it now you will never know what wonderful things are waiting for you in your future.

frangipanis · Jul 7, 2008, 05:19 PM

Medication will give you temporary relief while you gradually work on solving your problems. The time to use anti-depressants is when you are overwhelmed by emotional pain. It does not necessarily lead to a life-time of dependency. Had you been suffering a physical illness that needed urgent attention such as a broken ankle, you wouldn't hesitate to get the help that was needed.

The fear of the stigma of mental illness prevents people seeking and receiving help in the early stages of depression. I'm sorry you're hesitating to get the help you really want and need as I'm sure there are people in your life (present and future) who won't want to live without you.

Gregisteredtrademark · Jul 7, 2008, 05:21 PM

Believe it or not people care about you, even us complete strangers. Please get some help, it's free and you will get through it. The short way out is never the right answer. I am sure you are better than that.

smokedetector · Jul 7, 2008, 05:30 PM

Pills work to bring your chemical levels back into balance, and once you're there, you can be weened off them and remain in that balance, so you're not back at square one (that's what I've heard from doctors, but I decided against them too. However, I wasn't suicidal.) If you think about it, you're at your lowest now. If you end it now, it can never get better. Do you really want to disable your capacity to hope so readily? I know it's tough right now, but you CAN get through it. All you have to do is not kill yourself. That simple. Hope I helped, and I hope you get some help. I think you could benefit.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 7, 2008, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

First no one result is worth killing yourself, lose a job, lose a spouse or partner, they are all replacable, lose a place to live, there is always another one. Nothing is that bad, ever. So you need to talk to someone, don't know your age, but you need to talk this over with someone. And no medication does not control you, in fact it is the opposite, when seriously depressed, the chemicals in your body is controlling you from actually thinking clear ( no person thinking clearly would even consider killing thierself( the drugs help clear your mind and help you actually think properly, using your own mind.

Ok, you don't want help, most people who are sick and depressed don't want the help and often family members have to force them to get the help or at some point the system does. So you don't want help, too bad you need it. So go talk to someone.

And again, you can be homeless with no money on the street, guess what, so what? Things are bad things could get worst still but things will normally get better latter.

Alty · Jul 7, 2008, 06:43 PM

I've read some of your posts, you have allot to offer other people. I don't know what's going on in your life, but I do know depression, I do know how you feel.

You've taken the first step, you're reaching out, asking for help, and that's why we're here. You need to talk to your doctor, pills do help, and they will get you through this rough time, let you have time to deal with your problems.

Suicide is the end, that's it, it's not a solution, it's not the way to go. People love you, people care about you, this wouldn't only destroy you, but everyone around you, it's not the answer. Please, get professional help, you aren't alone in this, but only you can get the help you need.

I wish you all the best, you are strong enough to survive, you will get through, I believe in you, now you have to believe in yourself.

twinkiedooter · Jul 7, 2008, 07:21 PM

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.

bushg · Jul 7, 2008, 08:24 PM

It too shall pass.
__________________
Twinkie gave you this wonderful phrase to say... even if you have to say it all day long to make it through that day.

SkyGem · Jul 7, 2008, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

I'm starting to consider killing myself based on the outcome of an event (non trivial) that should occur by the end of the week. I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it like this before. That is what is worrying me now, I'm scared I will try to go through with it. I'm thinking it is the only way I can show people how I am feeling. I don't want to talk about what's going on with me. Let's just say things are getting to me and I am finding it difficult to cope.

Anti depressants? My reaction is always no way I don't want them. I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be controlled with drugs. Maybe I can be persuaded that they are a good idea? The other problem is I'm sure they are a temporary fix, and when I come off them I will be back where I started. Counseling I have tried and it's been fairly useless, I don't want to pursue that at the moment.

I want to know if there is anything else I haven't considered? Because at the moment I am feeling like I am running out of options and the best thing to do is to die :(

Dear DMA, there certainly is something else you have not considered. Going to GOD in prayer and discussing this matter calm and collectively with Him. Since it is He who made you in the first place and gave you your own personal hour-glass counting how many years you have until He calls you home, it behooves you to go to Him as any son or daughter would go to their father and speak out what it is that has brought you to this point in your life and ask Him to tell you if taking your life before He is ready for you to come Home is what He would recommend you do.

I am very glad that you have considered discussing this matter with us as I, for one, Do CARE about your feelings and have decided to spend this time with you to let you know that a total stranger can care about you, one who has never seen you before or knows of your background, because we are all ONE in the family of God and YOU, DMA are included! When even one person considers ending their life, it is like the threat, for the rest of us, of removing that cornerstone of humanity, one of the most important pieces that holds the rest together. For if you were to do what you speak of, who would follow next? There are many impressionable people out there who come to these forums to read what others post and might want to take your idea as well. It would be a great achievement for you to reconsider your life on this planet and what lessons, designed to make you an even greater person, you came here to learn and how, despite the odds you feel may be presently against you, you can FIGHT to achieve those goals! That is what makes CHAMPIONS! You could not be a quitter because there is still that spark of HOPE in your soul and spirit that has led you to reach out to us. That is why it is so important that you go to God in prayer and speak to Him. You do not even need to be a Christian to do that. Just know that God created you too if you are not! Of that there can be no doubt. And His Caring for you is most Special because you are UNIQUE and SPECIAL with abilities that simply no one else in this world has, because they are not YOU, it has to be something that God gave to you for which you can feel very very proud and blessed to have!

I do not want for you to waste your time thinking about how you can cancel that precious gift. Whatever you are going through to cause you to reach this point in your life cannot be as insurmountable as the cup that was laid before Jesus Christ who came to be Our Lord and Savior. He gave of Himself so that we all could have Eternal Life by simply ACCEPTING Him into our life and Giving of ourselves to His cause. And you know what? Part of that giving is that you Remain Alive because He is ready to HELP you right now! Know that He would never give you more than you can possibly bear. The reason you feel the way you do is because there is division in your thoughts caused by Christ's adversary, satan. He does not want for you to finish your mission in life and thus, wants you to end it soon so that he can laugh and feel victorious. Do Not Let Him! For he is a liar and wants to cheat you out of your precious life, dear friend. And as one who truly cares, I would rather spend this time with you now and cancel all of my other plans I had for this evening in order to bring this special message to you. It is a message of LOVE. Why? Because as part of our human brotherhood, I want for you to know that You Are LOVED! I say this in all sincerity from deep within my heart. Those respondents on this thread who have taken the time to speak to you also, care very deeply or they would not have responded. Therefore, you are not alone.

When you go to God in prayer, it does not take a miracle to speak to Him. For He is there for you and has always been. You need just go to a place where you will not be disturbed and fold your hands as you feel comfortable and start speaking to Him. Even though all you may physically hear is silence, do not be dismayed. For be assured that He has heard your every word! Then, in due time, you should listen to what He, as your Heavenly Father, would say. He needs you here and now. With all the Love He can ever give to one of His children, He reaches out to you now. Please meet Him half way and touch His hand as He reaches out for yours. This moment should be the most special one in your entire life. You will forever remember when you do this and know that He will guide you in ways you never thought possible to get your life back together again with Peace and Tranquility as it should be. If the problem or difficulty you now face was given to you out of LOVE, you would not be considering what you have spoken about. You are a being of Love, conceived in LOVE therefore, you must align yourself with the LOVE that not only we give to you but that God your Heavenly Father gives to you. You have free will, however, to consider this or not. But if you choose the latter, you will never know the mountains of grace you would have gained from listening to the ONE in the entire universe of universes who already has a Great Plan for you and your continuing life and is just waiting to see if you wish to accept it!

Please look at the beautiful rose to the left of my message and the Light that shines down from above and know that you are that rose and the Light is coming from Heaven shining upon you as an invitation to remain firm with your life and that just as that rose is beautiful, God sees you as being the beautiful person that you truly are!

Thank you most kindly for allowing me to be a part of your family this evening and hopefully for a very long time, DMA, as without you on this planet, life and the totality of precious life, would be minus one Very Important Person -- YOU, my dear friend. Be at Peace with God with the Lord at your side and His Holy Spirit and May He Bless and Protect You Always From All Bodily Harm!

snowalps · Jul 8, 2008, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.

Must say great courage twinkiedooter.. keep it up and take care always.

Choux · Jul 8, 2008, 01:24 PM

Your emotions are all choked up and held back by a thick veneer of analytic respectability... you have to find a safe place where you can tear down the wall that has all your emotions held back, emotions all jumbled up and in confusion, get those emotions out so they can see the light of day. :)

Don't give up on life over stuff that "happens" to you such as divorce, losing a job, moving, or any other event that many face. Happiness does not depend on the superficial events that happen to us any more than a placid uneventful life can bring happiness. A love for living comes from within... get those mixed-up emotions out so they can be examined and discarded. :)

Best wishes going forward,

Nebogipfel · Jul 8, 2008, 02:05 PM

I have felt like you. Things have happened to me that seemed so unfair and so bad that it was impossible for me to imagine life ever getting better. It did. I am getting up in years, and I can tell you from experience- all things pass, problems that seem insurmountable eventually are resolved one way or another and acceptance does eventually bring relief. You will get through it- whatever it is, and eventually, you will feel better. Do you feel impossibly overwhelmed? Dreading something is always worse than its actuality. As for anti-depresssants, they won't "drug" you or cloud your thinking, but, they won't work quickly either. It will take a month or so for you to feel any effect, and it is not a magic pill. If you are clinically depressed- these may eventually help you. If it is just that you are overwhelmed, angry, hurt, feeling that the world has turned its back on you, dreading some terrible future event then I think that you need to talk to someone who is willing just to listen. It will help to say it out loud to someone who can be trusted and not someone involved in the situation. Lastly- Who cares if other people know how you feel! I know that we all do care, but listen- NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW HOW ANYONE ELSE REALLY FEELS. And some people don't or can't even try. Killing yourself will not accomplish that. There are people who will listen if you don't have anyone. I will find the #'s and post as soon as I can.

BigS · Jul 8, 2008, 09:56 PM

Sorry to hear that:( ; don't sell yourself short. Antidepressants or other medications to help stress and suicidal thoughts, are originally given in low dosages while you deal with therapy. Please get some professional help. Give yourself another chance. No one knows what you are going through and it doesn't matter if they have experienced it too. Your reaction or coping is not similar to theirs.

Look in the phone book and call the crisis center. Be honest with yourself. We have all done things we have regretted.

Do take care of yourself and trust in the higher power.

Good Luck

DMA · Jul 10, 2008, 02:09 PM

Oh dear! I'm not doing very well am I? Thanks for all the replies.

Isn't it possible that there is a limit to how much a person can take before it becomes too much to deal with? Yes things can always get better one day. But if it gets worse for too long then the strain can not be tolerated any longer. I will probably find out the outcome of the event I mentioned next week now. Still, if the outcome isn't good I could be in trouble. It could go either way I really don't know what the outcome will be right now.

Originally Posted by Choux

Your emotions are all choked up and held back by a thick veneer of analytic respectability....you have to find a safe place where you can tear down the wall that has all your emotions held back, emotions all jumbled up and in confusion, get those emotions out so they can see the light of day. :)

Good insight but how do I do that?

smokedetector · Jul 10, 2008, 03:54 PM

Would you care to share the event for which the outcome would be so detrimental to you? It might help if we could give you alternative solutions to the problem that might seem to you like the end of the world. If you would like to share, I'm sure we would be more able to give you the best insight, though I understand if you'd rather not.

kittycatMandy · Jul 10, 2008, 04:09 PM

Even though you don't want to talk to someone you have to if you don't want to have those thoughts ever again.

Choux · Jul 10, 2008, 04:57 PM

I am not sure what kind of event you are anticipating... a drastic blow to your income and standard of living? Loss of a spouse? Going to prison? It matters what's going on in your life, and what has gone wrong in the recent past that has your emotions at the breaking point.

One thing for sure, a person has to have a varied life so that when one or two aspects go south, there are other parts of a person's life that bring enjoyment and happiness. If as you say, a lot has gone wrong, that is what brings a person to the breaking point.

Now, if this crisis passes, you can take a sigh of relief, and then, analyze your life and take steps to add positive things to your life to add balance... like a couple of new friends, exercise(I'm big on exercise, a cureall, of sorts)like being on a bowling league, getting a new job... whatever it takes, one step at a time, to bring happy activities to your life.

I'm hoping you settle down until the news comes... I remember reading some of your posts here on amhd, and wouldn't want to see you do something drastic... I'll share this with you, about two months ago, I almost ended it all on an impulse when I was in a very deep depression late at night. I was almost in a frenzy of despair. I made it to morning, and soon the feeling left me when I got in touch with a good friend and settled down. Then, I did my usual daily regimen of looking how to be happy or enjoy the day. :)

We all can learn from what we go through and find enjoyment. We have to remember that during the bleakest times.

I hope you will get back to us when the crisis is over and tell us good news. :)

Until then,