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DMA · Sep 26, 2008, 02:41 AM

Originally Posted by BigS

Please explain to me why you are not allowing your medication for depression to work; and if it is making you feel more suicidal then you should inform your doctor so something different can be prescribed for you. DMA please explain to me why are you taking more than the prescribed amount of medication.

Hi I'm still taking my anti depressents. 20mg prozac per day. 3.5 weeks into the treatment.
I overdosed to get to sleep. I was only supposed to have 1 zimovane before bed. I take 2 so it helps me get to sleep. Took another to the next afternoon after cutting my arm up, and another 3 in the eve to get some sleep that night. I'm so tired I really need some sleep. It's the next day as I write this. I can still feel the drug but it's wearing off. It wasn't a suicide attempt.

Yeah I know If I'm going to kill myself it better not be an overdose because as you say, that can damage the organs. What would be the best way to kill yourself then? Hanging comes to mind but that would be pretty awful I'm going to have to build up the courage for that.

Well I still hate myself I think. Unless other people like me and tell me I'm not a bad person, then I will have some reasons to not hate myself. As for volunteer work, people don't want me around I couldn't do that. If I can get a job then that means someone has put a value on my time there so I can't say I'm completely worthless. But lets face it, right now I'm worth more dead than alive!

linnealand · Sep 26, 2008, 07:20 AM

It's time to call your doctor immediately.

Tell him everything that's been going on, and ask for information about being admitted to the hospital for supervised professional care right away.

Have you noticed that every single post over the last several weeks has referenced suicide and/or other very dangerous, self-destructive behaviors?

I hope that the positive messages that have been posted here will help you in your recovery. I wish you the best of luck.

DMA · Sep 26, 2008, 10:49 AM

I didn't phone I went to see a doctor. Showed them my arm and said how I felt. I said how many tablets I took... "yes that's rather a lot. problem with those tablets is that they can cause you to stop breathing." Oh dear I'm so screwed up look at my arm it's such a mess now. I will get different anti depressents to try over the next couple of weeks. I got a phone number to call in case I feel like I'm about to kill myself. Apart from that nothing has changed much I'll just carry on for now. I really want some drugs like something to get high instead of cutting myself. Any ideas?

Tangleye · Sep 26, 2008, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Within a 24 hour period I had a fire in my apartment losing everything I owned; my boyfriend left me; I almost lost my life in the fire and have permanent smoke inhalation damage to my lungs; I went to my job only to be laid off. I had literally nothing but I didn't do myself in.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just stop and think for a minute what my 24 hour nightmare must have been like to go through. Somehow I made it through that horrible day. You can make it through the week, trust me. Whatever the problem pressing upon you right now, it too shall pass.

Just remember that when God closes one door, he opens another one

BigS · Sep 27, 2008, 11:59 AM

Hi DMA, I am glad you went to the doctor and told him everything. We here on this post love you, we feel like you are family and we feel really close to you. If something were to happen to you it would break our hearts. I know hearing this might be hard to believe but it is true and we have no reason to lie to you. If we didin't think you were important we wouldn't be here encouraging you to to hang in there. We are also staying around because we know you are trying and we know it is difficult for you. In my next post I will tell you a little about why I have not been available lately. How do you know thatpeople don't want you around... have you ever tried volunteering before? Hang in there dear.

linnealand · Sep 27, 2008, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

I didn't phone I went to see a doctor. Showed them my arm and said how I felt. I said how many tablets I took... "yes that's rather a lot. problem with those tablets is that they can cause you to stop breathing." Oh dear I'm so screwed up look at my arm it's such a mess now. I will get different anti depressents to try over the next couple of weeks. I got a phone number to call incase I feel like I'm about to kill myself. Apart from that nothing has changed much I'll just carry on for now. I really want some drugs like somthing to get high instead of cutting myself. Any ideas?

I am really, really glad to read this. I'll bet it wasn't easy to do what you did, but you absolutely did the right thing. Regarding the sleeping pills, one rule you should make for yourself is to never take more (or less) than the medication prescribed to you. One sleeping pill is already heavy on the body. When I really have trouble sleeping and a sleeping pill isn't enough to get me dreaming, I know that I have to set my whole evening up for sleep. Years of experience with sleep troubles have taught me that it's the only real solution. Check out these sites and others online on the subject:

Insomnia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Insomnia? 41 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

BigS is absolutely right. We do care about you, and we want you to get better. Keep pushing yourself in the right direction. You'll get there!

Hazel1220 · Sep 28, 2008, 12:39 AM

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. QUOTE]

Nothing is worth killing yourself over, NOTHING. It might feel like it but there is always a new day another sunrise and life is a beautiful thing. Even when it seems as if it will never get better and life is not a beautiful thing, I promise things will look up. As for right at this moment, call a guidance center because you do NOT have to deal with this by yourself. I care about you and wish you peace and happiness.

Hazel1220 · Sep 28, 2008, 12:41 AM

Try valerian root pills found at natural food stores. Wow they help me sleep and it is not as taxing on your body, I too am expereincing stress related insomnia.

DMA · Sep 28, 2008, 02:45 AM

According to my doctor, serotonin is needed to sleep and my brain has been completley depleted of serotonin. I am tired to the point that I am now being tortured and I amost cannot function because I can get confused, cannot concentrate or remember things.

I can be physically and mentaly tired out from a long day. Come home and lay down in a dark room so relaxed and looking forward to sleep. But I do not sleep and it is torture! I feel I can only get to sleep if I overdose on sleeping pills.

BigS · Sep 28, 2008, 08:17 PM

Hi DMA, please stop trying to put yourself through more than you need to; everything takes time. Give your body the time to get used to the medication. There is no need to rush it. You are putting undue pressure on yourself. Please pay attention to Linnealand... only take what is prescribed for you no more no less. There is no quick answer to your issue. Be good to you for you. Please.

spyderglass · Sep 29, 2008, 12:54 AM

DMA
Have you tried writing? Whenever I was unmedicated (Bi-Polar) I would write.
You need an outlet during this period of inner turmoil. I kept a notebook next to my bed and when something popped into my head I would write. If you think how you can put it into verse, then that can also help you get it out and get your mind on the mechanics of poetry. If you aren't a writer paint or draw. It doesn't have to be beautiful, it could just be scribbles! No one will see it but you. And when you feel better you can look back and compare.

BABY_LUV · Sep 29, 2008, 05:03 AM

Hey DMA, Sounds like YOU ARE NOT GETTING BETTER!! Cutting your arm up, then wanting to see how people are going to react? Are you doing that for attention? I used to be a cutter, I would use razor blades to cut my arms. If I was hurting inside, the physical pain would make me feel better emotionally. I didn't do it to gauge people's reactions, I did it because I was sick. As for the OD do you know that your liver has to process anything that you put in your body? If u od on sleeping pills everynite you will damage your liver, not to mention your kidneys, your brain every body part is affected. So what will your death accomplish? Won't accomplish anything because your organs will be too damaged to donate? Why don't u stop being so selfish and think about how others would feel if you killed yourself? Like your family... suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem... sorry if I was blunt but everyone sugarcoats... not me

DMA · Sep 30, 2008, 02:07 AM

I thought I would post something positive for a change. I think I'm starting to feel better. Even if I was still in a mess and cutting my arms up, I don't think there is much more for you guys to say to me that hasn't already been said. So thanks for the help everyone, I'll try and stay healthy for the future.