[DMA]

Hey thanks for your input everyone.

Yeah I've noticed people seem quite impressed if I say I have maths and physics A-Levels. Unfortunately, I think A-Levels are pretty much useless unless you use them to get into university. I can't even sleep properly (even with over the counter sleeping pills), university is just way too difficult for that reason alone.

So I'm a bit screwed up; I'm trying to sort myself out. This supermarket job was part of that. I'm doing OK at the moment and better than I thought I would be. You guys are helping me, I could be quite different right now. And this forum is like a journal, and a bit like counseling (only better). But if I try and get another job and fail, I can start taking it personally and could get depressed. Start thinking about the past like losing this job and why and things could really get to me.

[smokedetector]

It's OK to feel the way you feel. It usually sucks when you are moving toward something only to be rerouted to take a detour, or are moving away from something only to be held back. It is good that you are looking for answers and options right now instead of wallowing in self pity. I am truly happy to hear that things aren't as bad as you thought they would be, and that you are still with us. You can "journal" here as much as you like, and we will all listen.

Just to put things in perspective, my mother-in-law lost her job a few months ago and has gone to about 5 interviews with one call back and no offers, but she hasn't given up yet. Just because you don't get the next job you go after, don't let it mean that you aren't good enough or aren't worth much. Sometimes is less about being the right person and more about finding the right job. Life goes on even through the "end of the worlds" that people experience every day. I hope that life will lead you to a newer, better opportunity that you didn't even know existed, and I hope you recognize it when it happens and note how if you ended your world over this situation now, you wouldn't have a chance to participate in that opportunity. It may take weeks or it may take years, but I'm pretty certain it will happen eventually. Best of luck to you.

[BigS]

DMA I am happy to know that you are feeling better:D . As for the way you feel. You have some "perfectionist" tendencies. Most of us can handle what life throws at us but sometimes things happen and we can't cope the way we think we should, so we go into a depression. Remember that some of us here are merely giving our opinions and even the professionals at this forum are not fit to give you exact answers as many symptoms mimic each other. What I am trying to say don't self diagnose:( . I think you are doing fine and to have people to talk to can do a lot more than one can imagine:) .

I am one of the strongest ones in my family, always there for everyone, giving advice and lifting everyone's spirits and one day I lost one of my friends and there it was depression. Soon I had to do the most embarrassing thing... see a counselor. It was not all bad and it helped a lot; it helped me to see things in a different light. You know just like we are doing for you. I do think at some point you may need to see a professional and probably get some medication for a period until you can cope better with what is being thrown at you. Just something for you to consider.

Now as for your certificates. It is the same way wherever you go. The more degrees you have the less important they seem to become as these competitive years go by. As for being impressed with your certificates... well people with "A” levels usually acquire "O"levels first. Then no matter what part of the world you are from besides Chemistry, Math and Physics are difficult subjects to pass. As for people with certificates; I am from a country where "O" levels will get you a job in a department store or a clothing factory and believe me I am talking cashier or clothing maker. It is also a ticket to get into the Community College or the Polytechnic. Yes, and to get into the University you better have "A" levels. You see we have one Community College and one University and I was not smart enough to get into either. You are such a knowledgeable person but it is quite obvious that it all comes easy to you, that you don't realize it. Nevertheless I think it is so cool.

DMA I know I have strayed away from the main topic but I just wanted you to know how truly special and intelligent you are and I know you have a lot to offer.
By the way DMA do you have any idea how hard you are on yourself:( ? Take care and be good to you for you;) . I will talk to you later.

[linnealand]

Hello DMA! I'm so glad you came to this forum to ask for advice, and I'm so happy that you've been able to see how many people are here to rally around and support you.

I read everything you wrote, and it's clear that you're a bright, sensitive and thoughtful person. I have this sense about you... that if a friend of yours had written your post, you would be someone who could give them lots of compassion and some really good advice. What do you think you would tell them? I'm guessing that you would want them to feel like there is always so much hope worth having, no matter what the situation, and that they should do whatever it takes to get better. Well, that's what we're telling you! :)

Whenever someone considers suicide, for whatever reason, it's time to talk with a professional who can help you to handle whatever is going on. This is nothing that you need to feel afraid of. In fact, it's a luxury! Think of it this way: you don't have to carry the weight of your feelings by yourself! You get to have someone to whom you can vent all of your frustrations and tell all of your dreams. Even better, this is someone who will be completely on your side, absolutely looking out for your best interests, who doesn't judge you, who takes you seriously, who can give you advice you can trust... all the things anyone needs when times are tougher than usual. You get to have a coach, you get to have a friend, you get to have someone you can cry in front of if you have to.

I know you said that you've tried counseling before and you aren't throwing a party about the idea of going back, but please don't dismiss the idea just because you weren't 110% satisfied the first time. One thing to consider is that there are a lot of doctors out there, and some are better than others for each person or each situation. If you don't want to go back to the same doctor, at the very least consider going to another one. There are so many great therapists out there, and it would be a shame to miss the chance to speak to one when you need it most just because the first one wasn't your favorite of all time. :)

Let your doctor take all the weight off your shoulders. Like it has been explained by numerous posters, if medication is recommended, you should know that the whole point of it is to take the physiological imbalance out of the picture so that the real YOU can start feeling normally. Sometimes life's stresses can actually cause a chemical change in the brain. Medication serves to level the playing field, and to give you the chance to accomplish anything that would be a much bigger challenge without it. Like you, there are many people who are not tickled by the idea of taking anti-depressants, but as soon as they find out what it really does, they realize there's no reason to be scared of them! They're there to help you! Any good doctor will make sure that the medication prescribed is right for the individual, and that it's given in the right doses.

Millions and millions of people go through depression at some point in their lives, and a good percentage of them, through therapy or a combination of therapy and medication, manage to leave depression behind forever.

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself when you need it most. There is no reason for you to have to feel the way you do when there are so many incredible options out there to help you get back on your feet.

I'm really happy to see you having such positive discussions here on the board, and I'm so happy to see you sharing your story here. I wish you a million lovely things!

[BigS]

Hi DMA we haven't heard you in a while. How is everything going?

[DMA]

Hi DMA we haven't heard you in a while. How is everything going?

Too soon to say for sure. I would say I am 'ok' at the moment. I'm supposed to be looking for a new job but I've been putting it off this past week. Not wanting to deal with it. Typical of me. I know why though. Because I know other people can get a job. Everyone can, can't they? So why not me? Well if I don't apply for jobs, I don't have to face that question. That's why I put it off.

linnealand, from my experience, one the first things the counselor said to me was that they never give advice. Also from the last thing I heard, I am still receiving counseling and I will be contacted with the next appointment. But it's been so long now it's clear they are not going to contact me because maybe I don't deserve help or at least other people deserve it more than me.

[BigS]

Hi DMA, it is amazing; you seem like such a good person, I bet willing to help others yet hard on yourself:) . I see you are in the "feel sorry for me" mood:(... that is OK but you are only allowed to let it last for a short time; that is BigS' orders.
It’s hard but you have to get back on that horse and start riding again. Jobs are extremely hard to get; one is over qualified, lack qualification or people are just not hiring at the moment; there are many, many more reasons. DMA you deserve a job as much as others do; stop selling yourself short. More doors will be slammed or closed in your face. Sometimes it seems like the world has an “all out war” against you. Not true. When one door closes another one opens, and another one and another one... the cycle can go on for a while. You might even have to look for a window if there are no more open doors.

You don't want to venture out right now because you know what will happen... and you may be right, but if you don't get out there you might miss the opportunity of a life time.
DMA you are depressed and have an obscured vision of everything going on around you and to you. You have to be good to you for you; you have to take care of you for you. If the counselor doesn't call you then you need to give them a call. For you to make an assumption that you probably don’t need help and others need it more than you do….. well you may have a point somewhere in between there…that should obviously tell you that “Wow” I am not alone they are people out there as troubled as I or worse. As for the counselor thinking you might not be in a crisis. I don’t know what goes on in that room but I know the first time I went to counseling, skeptical me told him some of my feelings I was not totally honest because I wanted to convinced myself that I was not one of those mental patients. I knew I had it together. DMA, I was trying to find a way to justify why no matter what I was not like those other people there to be seen. During my third session I started answering questions and before I knew it I had told the counselor more than I would care too, I was in tears too…didn't even realize it until I was handed a box of tissues. I didn’t feel stupid, just wondered how that happened and why? Well for one thing I was finally honest with myself, I shared what was going on with me and my true feeling with my counselor and in the end I felt better like a load was lifted….. no it didn’t fix the problem... it was like a break through ….a realization.
Counselors don’t fix your problem they give you the tools to help yourself, so you will know what to do when life throws you lemons instead of throwing them out because they are bitter…we learn to make lemon tea or lemonade;).

I am sure you have helped someone on this site with a similar or close problem to yours, you have let them see they are not alone and to go seek help. Your courage and honest is overwhelming. You may have saved a life.

DMA Be honest with yourself when you see your counselor:cool: .

[linnealand]

Too soon to say for sure. I would say I am 'ok' at the moment. I'm supposed to be looking for a new job but I've been putting it off this past week. Not wanting to deal with it. Typical of me. I know why though. Because I know other people can get a job. Everyone can, can't they? So why not me? Well if I don't apply for jobs, I don't have to face that question. That's why I put it off.

linnealand, from my experience, one the first things the counselor said to me was that they never give advice. Also from the last thing I heard, I am still receiving counseling and I will be contacted with the next appointment. But it's been so long now it's clear they are not going to contact me because maybe I don't deserve help or at least other people deserve it more than me.

Hello again! I'm so glad you posted. We missed you!

Here's the story. My dad is a very prominent psychologist in the US. Most of my parents' friends are psychiatrists and psychologists, and I grew up around them and all of their children. Everyone I've ever known has been in therapy at one time or another. In fact, my dad always said that it's crazy *not* to go. :)

Since my parents are so aware of the benefits of therapy, we would often go to resolve our problems as a family. All of us also went individually. I've always found it helpful for whatever was going on. When my little sister suffered a serious depression as a teen, I was the one who took care of her, and therapy probably saved her life. A few years ago, a very significant person in my partner's life committed suicide, and I was the one who had to handle contacting her family, clearing out her apartment, and holding her friends as they wept. Depression is no joke, and as soon as the word "suicide" crosses a person's mind, it's time to get help right away.

Actually, your post is accurate - most therapists won't give advice... in the traditional sense. This means that they won't tell you who to go out with, or how to dress, or how you should feel about something that happened to you. But what they do is actually incredibly helpful. Let's say you go in and begin talking about how you're feeling and everything that's been going on in your life. The first thing is that I've found that just saying things out loud works wonders. It relieves so much of the pressure that builds up when you bottle things up inside. And then I've found that many times after I say something out loud to somebody, even if I really thought a certain way, I will find that the most significant ideas I was running my life on weren't right at all! It brings an enormous amount of perspective on everything. You'll find that the therapist might ask you questions that will bring you to answer them yourself! But the ironic thing is that it really does take someone like that to bring it out of you. It's very, very tough to do it alone, and there's no reason to have to go the hard way. Therapy is a very, very, very good thing.

I'm really glad to hear that you're been in some contact with a counselor. BigS is right in everything he said. Don't wait for them to get back to you - sometimes schedules and personal lives can get overwhelming (they are real people just like you and me after all :)) so there's no reason on earth to take it personally. Give them a call and make an appointment. If you tell them it's important, they will do their best to give you an earlier time slot. Also, if you're ever feeling completely overwhelmed, therapists will also accept emergency phone calls. Do call them if there is an emergency.

I know what you mean about putting off the job search, but the truth is that it's also part of the depression. The hard part is that it can make you feel even worse, just like you described. But don't beat yourself up! This is a time when you deserve compassion and kindness for yourself. You need to be taking care of yourself, and being loving and giving are the best ways to take you there.

I'm a math and science fan, too! Have you considered going for something totally different for the time being? I don't know if this is something you'd be into, but I was thinking that taking care of other living creatures might give you a lot of confidence. Perhaps you can see if a local shelter or kennel needs someone to help, even part-time? Also, animals can be very therapeutic.

It would be a great idea to go out and do something that you know you like, even if it feels like it's hard to do right now. Get some fresh air, get some exercise, and come home with a positive attitude, whatever you can do.

Even here on this forum, it's clear that you have a good and sensitive heart. You did well in school. You've been reaching out, and you communicate well with us. I think you should feel proud of yourself for all of these things and more. Post as much as you can. I'll bet that getting some of these feelings out is helping inside. Keep posting, and hold your head high!

[DMA]

I wanted to say thank you to you guys that have helped me. It means a lot I want to say I really appreciate it. I value this forum and it's members more than a real counselor.

I am too hard on myself. I try and be a good person but if things are not working out and I start blaming myself. It is easy for me to do, and if I start hating myself then things get worse.

I am really feeling better after reading your responses. I am planning on starting job search this next week too. But certain situations, and in particular certain verbally abusive family members, will have the ability to bring me down so am I going to move forward if possible but it's very uncertain what the next few weeks will be like.

[BigS]

Good for you DMA and I want you to consider us your family too. You definitely need to see a counselor; one thing you said and it is very important; seems like the people you should be able to depend on are the ones dragging you down. No matter what happens in our lives it is family that we expect to pick us up and give us encouragement. Your family certainly isn't there for you. They are supposed to love, encourage and forgive without being judgmental.

It is easy for us to listen to the negative when we are down. It is easy for us to be so blind when we are down that we don't notice how others are helping to drag us down. You see DMA you are very sensitive, caring and intelligent person but it seems like you won't be able to get out of this rut if you don't get help.

I am not trying to confuse or depress you now you are up again... I want you to be gradually and constantly moving forward. Be cautious of those who have nothing but negative to say to you; be weary of those who try to discourage you. DMA be careful who you share your dreams with. Remember “misery likes company” and your family might just be your poison. They may see themselves in you and in some ways you can actually live the dream they couldn't so, the abuse is their reaction. DMA those who care about you should be happy you can accomplish that which they couldn't……for whatever reason. This is just a possibility.

[BigS]

Hi DMA, don't mean to be a nag but how did this week go?

[pdaher]

I don't know who originally said this, but I have it written down and I read it all the time and it helps me put things back in perspective. I hope it helps you too.

Beginning again... because everything in life is a series of cycles that continue to begin and end like night and day.

[DMA]

Hi DMA, don't mean to be a nag but how did this week go?

Not a nag at all. Busy doing nothing is me this past week. Only applied for one job (didnt get it) and then I've been doing other things. Got used to being unemployed very quickly, I find it quite comfortable and get into a routine to pass the time and the weeks drift by.

I appear to be doing OK on the surface. But lately, I'm never very sure how I'm doing emotionally. I think I am steady, but nothing really bad has happened to test just how steady I am if you know what I mean?

[BigS]

So you applied for a job, good for you. Glad to hear from you and happy to know you are staying busy but what are you busy doing? The problem with depression is if it is not dealt with head on, your feelings and emotions can be distorted …even to you. Waiting until something bad happens is going to serve no purpose if you are not equipped with the tools to deal with it. Why, you wouldn’t go swimming without swim trunks, or playing tennis without a racquet. You couldn’t possibly drive a car without lessons. All I am saying is you should use the right equipment or tools for the job.
Now DMA I am glad you are taking one day at a time and it is very difficult to do the things you know you should be doing; it is almost like your mind is telling you what you need to do and it all makes sense but somehow the will to do it is not there. This is why you need the right tools for the job….that would be therapy, so you can be given an idea and an explanation and subsequently you can follow through. You must take baby steps. Have you ever considered doing volunteer work? I find that quite satisfying. Please think about it.
You must crawl before you can walk. If you stumble and fall, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it again.
You have been given a plethora of advice but what you do with it is all up to you. Please think about it and consider that which suits you best and try to follow through. Remember though you should take care of you for you and you should try to be good to you for you.
Is there any close family or friend you can talk to when you are down?
Have a good day and talk to you later!

[BigS]

Hi DMA my computer has been down. What's going on with you? We all miss you.

[DMA]

Hi, not much has been going on with me. I just realized I haven't applied to anymore jobs. I did apply to college though. I am more than qualified academically to get on this course, so if I don't get it I expect things to feel a lot worse for me. So I'm clinging on to that for hope at the moment. If I don't get it, it will be another one of those "end of the world" moments. I have generally been OK, except one of these past days I researched how to kill myself with carbon monoxide poisoning. So maybe I'm not doing that great.

[DMA]

I didn't get into college. Despite scoring 100% on the entrance exam. My life just keeps getting better and better.

[linnealand]

hello again. I just read your post from the 19th. As BigS wrote, a whole lot of people have been giving you the right advice. None of them is telling you to get help because they have something to gain from it. You need to take care of yourself, and you are going to have to force yourself to find a qualified professional. Growing up is not easy. I'm about to take a risk here, but if you don't mind me saying so, I think you could really use a change in perspective. What would you think if your friend decided to die because he didn't get to work in the store he wanted to work in? Or if he didn't get into the school he wanted to get into? Or if he didn't get the girl he had a big crush on? Life is about so much more than the branches you find strewn along its path. You need to start seeing these things as reasons to work harder, and not as reasons to give up. There is no such thing as sailing through life without all of the weather nature brings.

thoughts of suicide = depression. Depression requires professional help. You want help - that's why you're here - so why postpone finding someone who can actually do something real to give you a hand with it? There's no point in letting a chemical problem (i.e. lack of serotonin) or your pride run your life. Give up playing games with your mind and call a psychiatrist. You might not have the support systems around you telling you what you need to do to get better, but we're here, and we've been telling you, so now you know, and now you're going to have to make that phone call. The strong parts of your deepest self will take care of you; you just need to make sure you're not stopping them from doing their job. Life gets so much better, I swear it.

[BigS]

My computer has been down again:( . Thanks a bunch linnealand, I hope you are listening DMA. Everyone does care about you but you too have to start caring for yourself:( . We are not going to give up on you but to be perfectly honest it is very exhausting trying your best to assist someone and all you do doesn't help any. I am at my wits end but still hanging on for dear life. I can't tell you the depression I went through when the site kept telling me the topic was closed and I was scared to death wondering what happened:o . I know that a lot of things in my life I have failed in even though I have tried my absolute best but I couldn't bear to think my two cents worth did nothing to help you DMA.
I was thinking... you (DMA) are really good at science subjects:) ; you are applying for various jobs... but not to insult your intelligence... but how good are you at selling yourself and writing a resume; remember in an interview they don’t know you from the others who apply for the job so it is up to you to do an excellent job presenting yourself and with great confidence and enthusiasm. The person who is qualified and confident will certainly get the job before a better qualified person who has nothing to bring to the company. Planning is the key. If you have no one to help you prepare for the actual face to face interview, practice with a tape recorder and mirror. If it is just submitting it through the internet then certainly have someone proofread your work…no matter how good you may be; a second or third set of eyes will spot the things missed the first few times.
DMA when surfing the net try looking up topics that help with the improvement of self esteem and imagine what it life would be like if you forgive yourself, like yourself; appreciate yourself and how to be good to you for you.;)

[BigS]

hello again. i just read your post from the 19th. as BigS wrote, a whole lot of people have been giving you the right advice. none of them is telling you to get help because they have something to gain from it. you need to take care of yourself, and you are going to have to force yourself to find a qualified professional. growing up is not easy. i'm about to take a risk here, but if you don't mind me saying so, i think you could really use a change in perspective. what would you think if your friend decided to die because he didn't get to work in the store he wanted to work in? or if he didn't get into the school he wanted to get into? or if he didn't get the girl he had a big crush on? life is about so much more than the branches you find strewn along its path. you need to start seeing these things as reasons to work harder, and not as reasons to give up. there is no such thing as sailing through life without all of the weather nature brings.

thoughts of suicide = depression. depression requires professional help. you want help - that's why you're here - so why postpone finding someone who can actually do something real to give you a hand with it? there's no point in letting a chemical problem (i.e. lack of serotonin) or your pride run your life. give up playing games with your mind and call a psychiatrist. you might not have the support systems around you telling you what you need to do to get better, but we're here, and we've been telling you, so now you know, and now you're going to have to make that phone call. the strong parts of your deepest self will take care of you; you just need to make sure you're not stopping them from doing their job. life gets so much better, i swear it.

As always your posts are great and quite meaningful. If DMA listens to one person I hope it is you. When you speak lots of folks listen and think. I do believe you are helping a lot more than DMA. Thanks.