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blackblue · Jul 11, 2008, 10:09 PM

Have you tried natural remedies at all? I have a few issues and I have never tried medication for them.Instead I use an holistic approach.Sometimes that's all it takes.. change of nutritional needs,mental/emotional/spiritual balance.It CAN make a world of difference.

DMA · Jul 13, 2008, 04:17 PM

I have not tired natural remedies. I can't really see how they work to be honest. Depends on the problem and the person I guess.

Ok I didn't want to tell you the event because I know what you will say. And you are right, you have said it already. It's about losing a job. It's not a dream job and it's not a well paid job. It's about how I am expecting to feel about the whole situation and the reasons if I do loose it. Don't say it's nothing... "you can get another job". Think of the straw that broke the camel's back.

As I am right now I am not that depressed. That is what I meant when I said "I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it". How I will feel in a few days depends on the outcome of the situation.

frangipanis · Jul 13, 2008, 05:19 PM

I know that gut wrenching feeling to do with 'knowing' your life will fall apart based on a decision at work.

What's actually happening? Can you be a bit more specific?

Choux · Jul 15, 2008, 03:56 PM

Hi again, DMA,

Losing a job is a shocking and frightening experience for many... when I worked at the bank, I talked to a lot of people who lost their jobs and were rolling over their 401k or esop, or whatever.

Then, one day, I got called in, and I was out... and left ten minutes later. My job was my whole life and my whole identity. I was totally shook to the core. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other until I gained some financial security of sorts. I have to say that I was working as a totally disabled person, so I qualified for Social Security in two months.

Life may change, but there are always positive things going on in life.

Did you lose your job?

blackblue · Jul 15, 2008, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by DMA

I have not tired natural remedies. I can't really see how they work to be honest. Depends on the problem and the person I guess.

Ok I didn't want to tell you the event because I know what you will say. And you are right, you have said it already. It's about loosing a job. It's not a dream job and it's not a well paid job. It's about how I am expecting to feel about the whole situation and the reasons why if I do loose it. Don't say it's nothing... "you can get another job". Think of the straw that broke the camel's back.

As I am right now I am not that depressed. That is what I meant when I said "I've never so calmly and rationally thought about it". How I will feel in a few days depends on the outcome of the situation.

Natural remedies for such as depression can help ease the symptoms.No, it will not make the issue go away but it can help lessen the severity of it.

DMA · Jul 17, 2008, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

Did you lose your job?

I am almost certain I will find out tomorrow (friday). I have been told the personnel manager will be speaking to me.

I have been OK but now I know its tomorrow I am not feeling so good. Took me about a year to get this job. I really wanted it. I have done my job well and they are so busy there. So why will they want to fire me? Well, I lied on my application form. It was not to decieve them to get a job I am not qualified for or not able to do. I really wanted this job, I just wanted to be given the chance. I don't know what I am going to do if I loose it. Just struggle on? Keep trying? It's been long enough now.. too long. Will I try and kill myself? I really don't know. I never would have thought I would cut myself but I did in the end.

Alty · Jul 17, 2008, 04:01 PM

DMA, losing a job isn't the end of the world, there's always another job around the corner. Everything happens for a reason, and don't be so certain that you are going to be fired, don't burn your bridges yet.

Tomorrow go in with a level head, explain yourself clearly, do not hide behind the lie, but admit why you did it and that you regret it. Tell them how much you love this job and that you do not want to lose it. They are human beings, give them a chance.

If you do lose your job, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find another.

Have you gone to your doctor and told him/her about your depression? I think med's would really help you right now, and some therapy.

Just remember all the things you do have to live for, dig deep, I know they are there, focus on those, not the negative. You will get through this, it won't be easy, but the most important things usually aren't.

If you ever want to talk PM me, I'm here, along with so many others on this site. We care about you and what happens, so talk to us. Okay?

smokedetector · Jul 17, 2008, 04:40 PM

Going off what Alt said, what about your wife or kids if you have them? Don't have them? Well give yourself a chance to get them. I know everyone says "it's just a job, get another" and that's exactly what you don't want to hear, but they are saying it for a reason. It's not that it doesn't suck to lose a great job that you love, it goes more along with the saying "when one door closes, a window opens." Ya, I bet if you lose this job it will suck juevos. But I bet if you don't give things a chance to improve after that, you will miss out on the happiness you can have after. Good luck.

pdaher · Jul 17, 2008, 05:15 PM

I've taken anti depressants for over 12 years. I have weened off them and stayed off for as long as 1 year and my depression always returns. I believe that I have clinical depression and I will take medication for the rest of my life, rather than ever having to feel that hopeless, painful, dreadful feeling of wanting to die again. When I don't take my meds, I'm angry and cry constantly. I cannot concentrate and nobody wants to be around me. When I take my meds regularly, I'm productive, functional and react normally to situations whether they are good or bad. I cry when it's appropriate and get great enjoyment from just being alive. I have never felt numbed by the medication, only in control of myself and my life. There are hundreds of different anti-depressants to try and surely one of them could help you get a better perspective on life. At least go talk to a Social Worker or a doctor or someone who can steer you in the right direction. Don't give up. Life is so full of miracles.

DMA · Jul 18, 2008, 05:26 AM

I got fired today. I explained why I did it; because I really wanted the job, not to try and deceive them. They left to decide and came back with the bad news.

I did my job well and got on OK with everyone. Turned up for work even when I was not feeling well. Stayed on to finish work even though they were not paying overtime. Overall I think I was a good employee. It was a risk to lie on the application form. It was possible I could have got the job without lying, but I don't believe I would have got it. This is the first time I've done this and I did it because I wasn't getting anywhere. After being out of work and really depressed for a very long time, I thought this was going to be my break.

No I don't have a wife or kids. And this job was a basic, minimum wage job in a supermarket. So let's say I can't do that. Get another job? What else is there? I should aim lower than the bottom rung? I did well at school and quite well at college, I'm not stupid.

What do I have to live for? It's made clear to me that I am not wanted. Everyone is better off or would prefer it if I wasn't around. I have had enough of feeling like this.

smokedetector · Jul 18, 2008, 05:40 AM

I don't know about other people in your life, but even not knowing you except through this post, I would feel absolutely horrible if you weren't to come back. Every life is worth something, and now I'm connected to yours, even though it's only through a keyboard and screen. Your perception that you're not wanted is wrong. You just can't see anything straight through the tears and heartache over losing something you wanted so much.

You obviously have a good work ethic. Maybe your answer is not to aim for a lower level, but aim in a different direction at the same level, if that makes sense. If I may ask, what did you major in in college?

There are people out there, employers, women, searching for people with your work ethic, who can be really committed. Don't sell yourself short. Yourself esteem is low right now. That means you view yourself WAY more critically than everyone else does. You see every single one of your flaws, even the most insignificant, and perhaps some that aren't even real, while everyone else sees the good parts of you that you overlook. At least give it time. Don't make any decisions right away.

frangipanis · Jul 18, 2008, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by smokedetector

Your perception that you're not wanted is wrong. You just can't see anything straight through the tears and heartache over losing something you wanted so much....You obviously have a good work ethic. Maybe your answer is not to aim for a lower level, but aim in a different direction at the same level, if that makes sense. If I may ask, what did you major in in college?

Yes, please don't make any decisions at the moment, and promise us you won't do anything to hurt yourself.

pdaher · Jul 18, 2008, 08:10 AM

Four years ago I was given the choice to accept an early retirement after 24 years of service or be fired. I took the retirement. Afterward, my income was cut in half, my car was repossessed, I filed bankruptcy and then re-established a whole new nightmare of debt. I'm fighting with my mortgage company to avoid foreclosure and I'm so far in the hole, I might never get out. BUT, I keep taking my meds and I get up everyday and try to make the best of it and never go to sleep without counting my blessings. Many of us are at the bottom of the barrell these days and it gets extremely overwhelming at times, but remember that nothing in life stays the same. Everything is constantly changing. Starting over again and again may seem tiring, but it's one of the cycles of life, like night and day or Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. It's all cycles. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

love is abby · Jul 18, 2008, 08:13 AM

If you kill yourself your just another cliché. Make something of yourself! Don't let some event control your existence. Think of what your killing yourself would do to family and friends. If you ever need someone to talk to, we all will be here.

BigS · Jul 18, 2008, 03:18 PM

DMA I am really sorry to hear about you losing your job. Desperate times do seek desperate measures. If you are indeed going to kill yourself could you hold off for a few more months... please:( ? You see, I can't take losing another friend so soon. I know I seem selfish but since you came into our lives you are a part of us, please promise to hold off a bit.
You did what you thought was the right thing to do... the lying part. Don't know what you lied about but right now that is not important. It is quite obvious you have some really good work ethics; you are what society needs more of. Every job is important; fortunately and unfortunately some people have choices as to the kind of job they want to do. Your so called" basic" job is not so basic you did the work, so you know how much had to go into it to fulfill that circle to keep the supermarket running. Whether it is the cashier, bagger, bathroom cleaner etc they are all important. I see that no matter what task you are given you do it to the best of your ability.
You certainly don't want to hear any cliché but "everything does happen for a reason" and in the end you might thank God for unanswered prayers. There is a plan for you. You said you have some college so I am going to assume you know some stuff about computers. You might be able to sell some stuff on the computer or learn how to open your own business….starting very small of course and possible not getting paid a lot at the beginning. I know it seems far fetched but this might be your time to do the impossible... realize the dream you deemed impossible. Isn't there something you have noticed at the supermarket that needs improving? You might be the one to devise a plan to improve and fix it for all supermarkets or businesses.
DMA we all love you and look forward to hearing from you and no, we do not know exactly how you feel even if we had the same demise, we all react differently.
I just want to keep on writing so you can understand how we all feel about you and your situation. Please don't shut us out keep us informed. Oh yeah, picture yourself with those little ones running around. The little daddy's girl you adore. You have been loyal and good to every one... do me a favor and try to treat yourself the way you have and still treat others. We all have scars, scratches and bumps from the road of life; it is not always easy getting up, sometimes you have to crawl for a while or use crutches before you can walk on your own again. You will overcome this NYC sized pot hole.
Good luck to you and I will be saying a prayer for you.
Remember you are not a bad person and we are all looking forward to hearing from you.

DMA · Jul 18, 2008, 03:48 PM

I am from england, so when I say college I think that means high school in american english. I did maths and physics A-levels. They are one down from degree level.

With regards to getting another job even in a supermarket is going to be very difficult. Academic qualifications are worthless compared to experience (except specific jobs like a doctor, etc. that have to be qualified too). I am rather disappointed since I've always been told it's really important to do well in school to get a decent job. But just getting ANY job is very difficult without experience. So you see to just go out and get another job is not always possible. What's really needed is a family member to put in a good word to get you that 1st job at least. That is how it is here, I wonder is it different in the USA? I know it was very different for my parents, they could just go out and get a job right after they finished school at age 16. No experience needed.

Starting a business is a nice idea, but I would really not be good at that. This isn't me selling myself short, I am being realistic.

I have really good work ethics? In that case then, this supermarket is going to loose out by not having me there.

BigS · Jul 19, 2008, 01:32 AM

Wow, you took GCE "A" level Maths and Physics?:D I am totally impressed;) . I am almost scared to ask how many "O" levels did you received. Congratulations how on earth did you do it and what grades? I am so proud of you. Now I understand and thanks for you honesty. I think if we all put our heads together we can come up with a possible solution to your job dilemma. Now what are your hobbies and do you do volunteer work. Can you do that for experience? I know I am losing focus but how many subjects did you take at school. Is there a possibility you can become a tutor... you do have so much to offer. Is it easy to convey what you know to others? You did excellent in two hard subjects and if you can break that knowledge down to a struggling Secondary school student... in ways that no one else can that would be great. Maybe you can give lessons privately or publicly for exposure and to open another maybe chance for you. This is going to take some time for us to figure out what you might be capable of doing?

frangipanis · Jul 19, 2008, 01:38 AM

Is this vaguely helpful? Future possibilities maybe?
maths jobs

smokedetector · Jul 19, 2008, 08:48 AM

Well here, any "good job" you will likely need some kind of experience, but for jobs at McDonalds, I don't think you have to even graduate from high school (unless you want to work in a management job maybe). Maybe you can get a job at a restaurant or something? Maybe a mom-and-pop kind of set up? Best of luck.

BigS · Jul 19, 2008, 08:50 AM

DMA ,frangipanis has a really good idea, do check that site out. Anyone else out there with other ideas please post them. You are right about experience.. no job without experience and can't get experience without working.

Do check the internet and check the possibilities. There is something out there for you. For all you professionals on this site please post your ideas and comments. I know we only know what is posted by the writers on this site and we don't know them from Adam but everyone deserves a fighting chance. There is someone out there who can assist DMA in ways the rest of us can't so please do the write thing and assist our buddy, deal with this battle.

To everyone else out there thanks for coming to the aid of our friend DMA.

One other thing DMA start writing a journal. It will put things in perspective and give you something to look back on when you get into another struggle... and believe me there will be more you will be able to see and deal with them in a different way.