[AaronP]

So It's like this:

My brother and I have never really been close to our parents, and have always had to live our own lives the best we could.

Im 19 and he's 17.

I moved out of my house at the age of 15 because I couldn't take any more of my step mother's abuse.

I felt bad for leaving my brother behind, but he doesn't realize I did it for his own good.
Having me around, he was always looked down upon and ignored by our dad. After I moved out, my brother became close to my dad, just like I wanted him to. He needed to feel like someone was there for him, and I was just 15 and had a world of my own I had to deal with. Just 2 months prior to me moving out, I had ran over two people and killed one of them. This was huge mental anguish for me and I had to take care of my own problem. State court ruled that it wasn't my fault, so eventually I got over it.

This process took two years. And by then I moved in with my girlfriend of then a year and a half. I started to miss my brother badly, and he had moved out the year prior because, once again, he couldn't stand my stepmother either.

He then became gay. Weather that was a cry for attention or whatnot, I don't know. But he has a girlfriend now, and is against homosexuality.

When he was 'gay', It hit me he wanted attention. So I started inviting him over all the time and he loved coming to hang out with me.

We were cool brothers, the way it's supposed to be.

Then I moved back to my dads house for three weeks because I had gotten a new job and needed a few weeks cash built up before I was ready to go back out on my own again. I had also left my girlfriend.

My brother eventually left his boyfriend, and moved in with his best friend's grandmother. I was always asking my brother to come over and visit me, and he always would.

Eventually he dropped out of school. His friends grandmother told me that if I wanted to come stay with them to be with my brother, I could. So I took her offer.

About a month or go he got a girlfriend and has been living with her ever since. He is always strung out. Weather it's alcohol or marijuana, or prescription pills, he's always ed up on something. I confronted him about it and he told me its no big deal, and he's not high all the time, and to stop worrying about it. He never comes and visits me anymore, maybe once every four or five days, and he is always ed up on something. He calls me twice to three times a day though. But now it's mostly asking if I have any money or weed, or if I can get him something.

He knows I don't smoke weed, nor have much spare money to give out.

It's worrying me. He doesn't see what he is doing as a bad thing. I can almost pinpoint the problem on his girlfriend. I used to work with her mother at a restaurant and she was always hopped up on some kind of dope. He was never like this until he met this girl. He refuses to accept that he's better off without her, and that he needs to stop now before he's in too deep.

I don't know what to do!

Everyone I talk to tells me to leave him alone, because he's going to do what he wants to do. I refuse to accept that advice. I love my brother more than anyone else in this world and I'll be damned if I watch him dig himself into a hole he can't get out.


This has been stressing me very badly for the past month, and I want to help but I don't know how I can.

He's my brother, my best friend... and I can't help him. It's one hell of a bad feeling when you can't help...

[justcurious55]

This is tough. Because you can't control him or tell himwhat to do with his life. But I can't blame you for wanting to when you know he's burying himself. Maybe try a more subtle approach. Is there anything you guys used to do that he really enjoyed? Like camping, fishing, anything that you might be able to use as an excuse to get him to get our of town with you for a long weekend? A couple days away from the girl and sober with just the two of you together might be a better time to talk about things. And when you talk to him, make sure you make it clear why you're concerned-that its because you love him so much.

[mimi03]

Addictions are very tough on everyone involved... your brother is suffering as well as you so it is very understandable that you'd like to help him.

First I'd like to mention something that stood out to me in your post:

"He then became gay. Weather that was a cry for attention or whatnot, I dont know. But he has a girlfriend now, and is against homosexuality."

Im not sure if there's a religious reason for his stance against homosexuality or just a need to be accepted but chances are very likely that ---he didnt just become gay and he didnt just get over being gay, with evidence of him having a girlfriend now---

I wanted to mention this because if he is dealing with confusion/angst about his sexuality it may be a cause if not the cause for his drug/alcohol abuse. There's always a link to these addiction issues and for me this stands out as a real likely possibility... I can't know that for sure but I think it's something to think about! Would you and your family accept him as a gay man?

As for the addiction, I found a link to a website which offers Nationwide Alcohol and Drug Addiction Rehab Help Information (( Addiction Help | Alcohol, Drug and Substance Abuse Rehab ))
This is a matter for a professional. So if you or a family member can somehow get him to help that would be great!

Also while he's getting help in the future you could visit local AA meetings, there you can learn more about addictions (not just alcohol) and how to be supportive and not contribute to your love one's addiction.

*Best Wishes*

I hope that when he is healthy again you two can revisit the Sexuality issue, so that if he is gay (which I would go out on a limb to say that he is) You can let him know that he is accepted and loved by you no matter what!!!