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skunkman44 · Jul 6, 2008, 06:18 PM

I was an artist. Graphics, television, sound, photography I did it all. Then I lost my mojo. I designed hundreds of Resumes but never had one for myself. I always had more work that I could do. I had no artistic talent but I was extremely clever and I always made my deadlines. ALWAYS. I had a system of getting things done and a mindset of I can do anything if you throw enough money at it. My profit was never that big but what I had to spend was always big. People in the business knows what I means. Maybe it was to please my father and piss off my mom but for decades I was an artist.

Then I got cancer in my head... Big time. Six weeks to live. Radiation, Chemo and twelve surgeries. Then six months to live, then one year, 2 ,3 4 Five years then six years. I died once but fought my way back and wished I died every night and happy to wake up every morning. Afterwards I didn't care about art that I knew. Not one bit. I was an artist I did everything BIG. I smoked, I drank, I had some of the most beautiful women. And I married some of them. I didn't change my lifestyle and I watched all the other cancer patients like me die and they were non-smokers, teetotalers and they all died. All of them. Now the Doctors are more interested in why I'm not dead than keeping me alive. I'm 5 foot 5 if its warm 5' 4" if its cold. Just before cancer I could, at 49 years old, hold and won $20 holding a 5 gallon of white paint at arms length for 20 minutes. Try it.

Now I'm disabled. I can't speak or eat normally. I have been refused jobs all over the place. But I have been busy since my cancer. I can tell you about the latest in physics and do the math. I'm not a dummy. But all the people wants me to work back in the art biz. Even the government. BUT I NO HAVE A PASSION FOR IT. I can do it but I would rather be a gardener, a baker or a piano player in a whore house. And I can't play the piano but I'll learn.

Can I get my mojo back or am I forever destined to be a deadbeat with art? Or am I destined to be a odd, jobless person that people say he could have had a cool job as an artist and blew it?

rsain2004 · Jul 6, 2008, 06:32 PM

I experienced traumatic brain injury Feb 2 of this year. It left me with muscle control and balance issues. A world class neurologist "shrink" whose treating me, told me every brain injury has different recovery time... I guess that means "it's up to you..." If you want your mojo back, figure out how you developed it the first time, and try doing that again... just never roll over and quit... Good Luck...

Fr_Chuck · Jul 6, 2008, 06:52 PM

I was in a seroius accident an lost all interest in my old life and went to find a new career and more. Personally it is desire, and things that interest you changes for all sorts of reasons, You can not force yourself to want something

skunkman44 · Jul 6, 2008, 08:15 PM

The odd part is that I still see beauty and art in everything. But it's not on the printed page. Its in flowers, plants, dogs, everything but the printed page. Yes I have some problems. They call it chemobrain. Not to mention all the radiation. I got pills for that but my wife says that it doesn't work. But hey, she is a natural redhead. Who knows what can make a redhead happy.

rsain2004 · Jul 6, 2008, 08:57 PM

Mine's a Philippina nurse, she says I'm not back to normal either... her hobby is psychiatric nursing... sometimes I think that's why she married me...

skunkman44 · Jul 6, 2008, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by rsain2004

Mine's a Philippina nurse, she says I'm not back to normal either...her hobby is psychiatric nursing...sometimes I think that's why she married me...

Sorry Dude. I worked a Philippina nurse in the burn unit. She was only 5 foot nothing and 6 six foot 250lb guys cried when she walked into the room. She scared me too. But she was good. And pretty too. But tough.

N0help4u · Jul 6, 2008, 10:57 PM

Sounds like you have a lot of life experience maybe think of things in your life and do something creative with that. Sometimes the things you can relate to the best are the most motivating. Then gradually build up more desire to expand. Often it is just a case of lack of inspiration or motivation, just like writers block, but sometimes you have to push yourself to motivate yourself.
Don't know if that helps any, but be creative in thinking what you want and how to go about it.

Clough · Jul 7, 2008, 01:16 AM

Sounds like you have been through an incredible amount of things that would leave anyone grieving and maybe not wanting to move forward with their life. But, it also sounds like you have a desire to continue with the types of art that you did. So, that is at least a start!

I once knew a Catholic priest who had brain surgery. It changed his desire to work in the priesthood, so he left it. However, it sounds like you still have desire and drive to do what you did, but are just looking for the right "spark" in order to get going again.

One way that you might do that, would post some examples of your work that you have done on this site. There are quite a few people here who are artistically inclined who might be able to provide the type of encouragement that you need to get going again.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2008, 05:16 AM

Like Clough said it is an incredible amount of things to go through.
I feel like I shut down too because I have been through too much and I am at sort of a block but sometimes the very things that hold you back are the things that in time can push you forward. You have to turn the negative into a positive some time. I am working on trying to figure where and how to go from here and options because I have felt like I have been at a dead end for the past few years.
Many people that go through tragedy end up turning it around for a good cause. Like many support organizations were started by people that went through something tragic.
Joni Ericson Tada was a swimmer and she could have gone to the olympics but ended up
A paraplegic. She started a support organization and wheel chair distribution
Joni and Friends
She started by drawing Christmas cards with her mouth and selling them.

So no matter what you decide to do

Clough · Jul 19, 2008, 02:05 AM

So, how's the MOJO Renaissance coming, skunkman44? We are concerned about you here! :)

skunkman44 · Jul 19, 2008, 08:13 PM

It is starting to come back in an entirely different way. After cancer surgery I couldn't move my left arm. I saw a show on TV about baking bread. It looked like good physical therapy for me so I started trying to bake bread by hand. 200 lbs of flour later I finally got a good loaf of bread. And I had my arm back. I have a feel for it like I did when I used to talk to clients and found out what they needed and wanted. It's a small step but it connects me to something I had in the past. It was never the money or the hype of being an artist, it was the feeling of pulling something out of your head, producing it and making someone happy. I know bread is just a step but every journey starts with one step.

rsain2004 · Jul 19, 2008, 09:00 PM

"Good" on you, friend... Keep trying... I'm to stupid to quit, that's what made me a good Marine in Viet Nam...

Clough · Jul 21, 2008, 02:17 AM

Originally Posted by skunkman44

It is starting to come back in an entirely different way. After cancer surgery I couldn't move my left arm. I saw a show on TV about baking bread. It looked like good physical therapy for me so I started trying to bake bread by hand. 200 lbs of flour later I finally got a good loaf of bread. And I had my arm back. I have a feel for it like I did when I used to talk to clients and found out what they needed and wanted. Its a small step but it connects me to something I had in the past. It was never the money or the hype of being an artist, it was the feeling of pulling something out of your head, producing it and making someone happy. I know bread is just a step but every journey starts with one step.

That's great skunkman44!

You see, you can do it! If you keep going and trying, then there's possibly no limit to what you can do! Yes, a journey does start with just one step. It's taking that first that is often the most challenging thing of all! :)