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Shakeh · Mar 25, 2006, 03:05 PM

I lost my mother three days ago,although I am 40 years of old but can't cope with my mother lose ,I found her dead sitting in her chair after I returned from shopping ,so she was alone when died and this really scares me ,I feel that I never can deal with her absence,Im afraid to close my eyes and sleep because I might see my mother complaining from dying alone I have feelings of sadness and depression and I really need help.
Shakeh

Fr_Chuck · Mar 25, 2006, 04:00 PM

Any time we lose someone we love we have a process of grieving that has to be gone though.

Death is a part of life, we all are born and we all will die at some point.
Since she was sitting, it shows she went peacefully and most likely you would have merely though she had fallen asleep if you have been there, and would then try to find some other way to blame yourself, (needed to be in the room, needed to be this or that)

And why would it scare you, a person can not be attached to another 100 percent of the time, we each have duties, jobs, shopping, car repair and the such that has to be done. That is merely part of life.

You miss her company and this is normal. If after a couple of weeks you are still having such serious issues, then you need to get professional help to follow though with the process of grieving.

RickJ · Mar 25, 2006, 04:57 PM

I hope you have family and friends near you who are trying to be with you now. You need the company of friends and those that love you. Do not turn it down if they are offering.

I with true Peace for you Shakeh.

fredg · Mar 26, 2006, 08:13 AM

HI,
I am sorry to read about your Mom dying.
As other answers have said, please talk with others, face-to-face about it.
Talking in person always helps. I went through this many years ago with my own parents; about a year apart.
We cannot determine how we will die (unless of course, it's suicide). We do not know if others will be around, if we will be alone, or what the circumstances will be; unless it's in a hospital, and nothing can be done, knowing the end is near.
You didn't know this would be happening, so there is no need for you to be stressed out about it.
Can you talk with a Minister, Priest, Rabbi, or anyone about it?
You really do need to talk with others, and come to know there was nothing you probably could have done, or known about.

[email protected] · Apr 21, 2006, 11:02 AM

Hey, I know how you feel. I really do. I'm 16, but I lost my mom about a year ago, and my dad about 4 years ago. My dad was alone when he died too. I blamed myself even though he died of cancer, because the one night in really about 6 months, I actually went to sleep, he died.and I felt so bad for leaving him all by himself to go, and for about 8 months I couldn't sleep well, because I had dreams where he was calling for me to help him and I could never reach him or if I did my grip would slip and he would fall.but you can't blame yourself. It will take some time to deal with no matter what your age. The only thing you can do is talk to someone who can sympathise with you. And just know that your mom is so much better off. She's not hurting and she's happy, even though I know she misses you, and you miss her, but one day the two of you, and anybody else you miss will all be together again, and there will be no more saddness, or pain and it will last forever. I'd love to talk to you if you just need someone 2 listen to you.

Mrspeel · Apr 24, 2006, 10:34 AM

Dear Shakeh

I really do feel for you at this very sad time. I lost my mum last June, and It affected me very badly. When you are alone, you may find it helpful to talk to your mum, either aloud or in your head. Tell her how you love her and miss her, and how you wished you could have been there when she passed.

Know that she understands this.

My mum died in the hospital at 5am. I had just left her at 4am.

Hypatia · Apr 24, 2006, 10:46 AM

The heart never wants to let go of the physical. I hate that your heart is broken. I think right now you might want to gather a few of your mothers things and say goodbye. Just take a little time outside looking at her things in the sunlight. Remember her alive with these things. Maybe a hair brush, her favorite pillow or blanket. Hold them, talk to them, she will be there to hear your goodbye.
Do not feel sad over her dying when you were not there. She did this for you, so you didnt have to watch her go. you will always be a part of each others lives here and in the after life. Do not be sad, she possibly is another persons child right now. Born again into bliss.

Hypatia

Shakeh · Apr 24, 2006, 05:21 PM

Thanks a lot for all af this wonderful answers,it is really good to know that the people hearts are with you .Thanks again...

jennapbt · Apr 26, 2006, 06:43 PM

I understand what your going through although noones feelings are truly alike. Everyone deals with death differently. I lost my best friend, my life, my all, my mother last year myself. It tore my world apart being only 20 at the time. I went through the same thing you did with the thought of having a dream. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her taking that last breath. I had dreams about her every time I slept which would wake me up sobbing, I still have dreams about her, but now I kind of enjoy them I guess it's my way of thinking she's still here with me. She will always be in your heart her memory will never die in your mind. The best thing I found with coping was talking about it like someone mentioned. Just remember to take your time in the healing process there are so many stages and find whatever is most comfortable for YOU not what someone else thinks you should be feeling. I once thought that time healed all wounds, but this is a wound that will never heal for me. Remember that she is still there with you, talk to her tell her you love her she will listen. I know I felt so many emotions; anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, happiness, etc. Just take your time in the healing but I do know beating yourself up over it isn't the best just know your mother wouldn't want you to do that to yourself. Things will be OK, if you need anyone to talk to your more than welcome to contact me. :)

love and be loved · May 7, 2006, 07:52 AM

I am only 13 I lost my father two weeks before my 11th birthday
I think we all always blame ourselves inside I know I do
There is nothing we can do
Maby sometimes it relly was parshly our falt but it was an acsident and we could not help it in your case I do not think it was at all you falt so never blame yourself it was not in my case ether but I can't help but blame myself some times your mother lived a long life and every one must go sometimes we just must be perpared for it and understand that we all new it was going to happen eventually we just did not want to admit it to ourselves

valinors_sorrow · May 7, 2006, 10:54 AM

My condolences to you Shakeh and welcome to the motherless child club; it does get easier with time. Simply put, I missed my mom very badly until one day I looked down and saw that my hands were her hands and now I know she is with me in many ways.

Shakeh · May 12, 2006, 05:18 AM

Thanks for your kind words and sympathies...
Nearly two months passed since I lost my mother.. again I am missing her physical presence in every corner of our house and everywhere we were together and again that feelings of sadness and emptiness is back again.. I saw my mother several times in my dreams she was resting peacefully and many times told me that every thing is just fine and that you don't need to worry about me ,this is really good and I feel better now..

pennybot · Jul 7, 2006, 09:49 AM

No matter what age you are, you had a mom you lost

*big hugs*

It must have been very heavy for you being the first one to discover her.
I'm so sorry for your loss of someone so close to you

It must feel at least some what relieving that she is telling you she feels at peace

BRiGRL · Jul 7, 2006, 06:06 PM

Hi.. I don't know what it feels like to lose my mother... but I know what its like from my best friends point of view..
My best friend lost her mom almost two years ago to breast cancer... every night my friend would sleep on the couch which was close to her moms room so when she(my friend) woke up in the middle of the night she could check on her mom and the machines and such... Well one night my friend fell asleep.. and when she awoke something bad had happened... the nurse told my friend and her family that her mom would have at the most a week to live... but her mom only lived for a few more hours... I was really close to her mom.. my friend and I have been friends for over 11 yrs.. we are both 18 now... But she blamed herself for her moms death because she had fallen asleep.. but you can't blame yourself because nature took its course... yes you will miss you're mom greatly but just know that she is looking down on you everyday and she is by you're side in everything you do.. I don't even like to think of losing my mom.. it scares me to think that one day I won't get to call her or anything anymore... and no one is prepared for it.. but like I said just know that she is there with you no matter what you do! I hope this helped ease you're pain.. even if just a little!

Shakeh · Jul 10, 2006, 09:53 PM

Thanks pennybot and BRiGRL for your sympathy ,it is nearly four month now lost my mother,Im crying everyday and sometimes really don't understand how is life going on for me after my mothers death ,I was too attached too her although I'm 40
Im missing her more and more ,and you want to Know the truth I don't want the time to pass,because I want to remain closer to my my mother memories Im afraid to lost them or to forget them ,I had a wonderful time with her,I just can't imagine to live the rest of my life without her.

aqua@home · Jul 10, 2006, 11:00 PM

You will never forget her. Some memories might fade while others might come to light, being triggered by something else. I think it is all right to grieve as long as you are still able to live your life. Your mother would not want you to be so sad. She probably spent most of her life trying to give you the best and making sure you were happy, now is not any different. I don't know your beliefs in the after-life, but I'm sure she is around you all of the time. You will get to see her again. She would want you to be happy. Cherish your memories and enjoy what time you are on the earth. If you have children, tell them about her. She will always be alive in your heart. Please don't feel guilty. She is definitely in a better place. Take care.

Shakeh · Jul 11, 2006, 04:29 AM

Thanks aqua@home for your kind words.
Im christian I believe that there is a life beyond the phisycal body ,but this days sometimes I feel very sad that want to feel my mother to speak with her,Im missing her pyisical and spiritual presence that always was a comfort for me ,sometimes I want to join her to be near her whenever she is but I know I can't .
Thanks for your symapthy it was a comfort.

aqua@home · Jul 11, 2006, 07:29 AM

You are welcome. When you feel that you want to talk to your mom, do it. She will hear you. God will hear you. You are not alone. I lost someone I was very close to a few years ago. I cried for months and months and months. It's okay to be that sad. It's not okay to feel that you want to join her. She would not want that. I think you need to talk to a professional. Please do not do anything drastic. If it is that bad then you should realize that must mean that it can only get better. Please pray and keep talking.

Krs · Jul 11, 2006, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by Shakeh

thanks aqua@home for your kind words.
Im christian i believe that there is a life beyond the phisycal body ,but this days sometimes I feel very sad that want to feel my mother to speak with her,Im missing her pyisical and spiritual presence that always was a comfort for me ,sometimes I want to join her to be near her whenever she is but I know I can't .
thanks for your symapthy it was a comfort.

So you said yourself you believe there is a life beyond. The life your mum is in now.
So she is watching you, watching over you, you're gardian angel. She doesn't want to see her loved son crying for dismiss, she wants to see her son carry on forward but always with her in his heart :)
I know from experience.
It helps me get through each day.
My father is with me, everywhere I go.

valinors_sorrow · Jul 11, 2006, 02:59 PM

My father died yesterday, and my sister left a message at work (I am on vacation this week). So there is this odd feeling of... so now I am on my own. Its all a part of it, the living and the dying. Take it in gentle stride, take it with some measure of grace, borrow some grace from those around you or from us here, if you find yourself short. Death makes life precious. Death makes life possible too. When I die, you can plant me under a patch of sunflowers... that would do nicely.