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Shakeh · Jul 11, 2006, 10:27 PM

Im so sorry about your fathers lose,I lost my father 12 years ago and I know what it means to lost both parents , dear valinor I know you are a little sad know but this does not mean that if Im grieving for my mother I'm short or I need to borrow grace from others I don't understand what you mean but I wish you comfort .

JoeCanada76 · Jul 11, 2006, 10:41 PM

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I know you may not feel this way, but you have spend lots of quality time with your mom. She was not alone when she passed away, because you are always in her heart. You were there with her in spirit. I also believe that Her spirit is being taken care of. Believe me there is no complaining. Your mother wants you to know that. She is at peace and you need to be at peace as well.

Joe

Shakeh · Jul 12, 2006, 01:45 AM

Thanks Dear Jesus helper for your kind words.

Jay_Jay · Jul 12, 2006, 03:33 AM

Shakeh I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, it seems that you where very much a rock for one another, your mother is in peace now and I'm sure she would want you to be in peace to.

Shakeh · Jul 13, 2006, 10:32 AM

Thanks Jay_Jay for your sympathy.

Cassie · Jul 13, 2006, 10:52 AM

I have lost both of my parents, and I arrived minutes after my mother died. I felt so bad about it for some time. One night she came to me in a dream, it was such a peaceful dream. She put her arms around me and held me and said she knew I was coming but did not want me to see her take her last breath. She said it would have been harder on me to always remember watching her die. I do not know if that would be true or not. We do not know the exact moment we are going to come into this world or leave it. To feel guilty that we were not with a loved one is guilt for us, not them. You know she would not want you to feel badly about it. I have thought about it and I too would rather a loved one not watch me go. Their love surrounds me now when they are not here so it would surround me then. You know your mother new you loved her, if she was afraid to die she would have waited for you. I have worked in hospice and you would be surprised how many will hang on until they are ready. Your mom was ready and is at peace now. You need to be at peace also, feel her arms around you, look at her picture send her your love and cry. She lives on in your heart each day, things you say or do are things she taught you. She will live forever.

aqua@home · Jul 13, 2006, 01:57 PM

Cassie, I tried to comment but was not allowed. I would just like to say that your words touched me very much so. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Shakeh... hang in there... this will make you stronger.

magprob · Jul 13, 2006, 02:13 PM

Cassie, thank you very much for that. Like you, my two brothers and I arrived 30 minutes after our Mom died. I have always felt terrible because of that but you know, I do not remember the minute she died... I remember her life. Like you, I had contact with my Mom a little while after she passed. I did not see her but she spoke to me in a very clear voice telling me to not worry about her, no more pain and suffering but just happieness. That helped a lot.

The thing with losing Mom is, for me any way, is that it is like you really can never go back home.

Cassie · Jul 14, 2006, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

My father died yesterday, and my sister left a message at work (I am on vacation this week). So there is this odd feeling of ....so now I am on my own. Its all a part of it, the living and the dying. Take it in gentle stride, take it with some measure of grace, borrow some grace from those around you or from us here, if you find yourself short. Death makes life precious. Death makes life possible too. When I die, you can plant me under a patch of sunflowers.... that would do nicely.

Val, I am so sorry for your loss. Bless you

Krs · Jul 14, 2006, 01:15 AM

Cassie, need to spread some love around, as I wanted to add what nice words. People who passed through such experiences are the only one who know what it means.

Krs · Jul 14, 2006, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by Shakeh

I lost my mother three days ago,although I am 40 years of old but can't cope with my mother lose ,I found her dead sitting in her chair after I returned from shopping ,so she was alone when died and this really scares me ,I feel that I never can deal with her absence,Im afraid to close my eyes and sleep because I might see my mother complaining from dying alone I have feelings of sadness and depression and I really need help.
Shakeh

Acceptance is the hardest part of such traumatic experiences.

Shakeh · Jul 14, 2006, 01:57 AM

Thank you dear Cassie ,Im really impressed with your words,last night in my dream I was with my mother she was happy and healthy we passed through streets ,we did shopping a very realistic dream made me to think she is still with me,she told me to not hold her hand and to walk quickly and to not worry about her .

Krs · Jul 14, 2006, 02:14 AM

Its true, dreams about a dear deceased loved one seem so realistic.
My only problem is when I awake it hurts to know it was only a dream but then again, at least its something :)

Shakeh · Jul 14, 2006, 02:29 AM

Yes I know it hurts ,many days ago I saw another dream of my mother she was sitting in her chair as usual,drinking tea I hold her hand with all of my power and told and begged her to not go again she pushed my hand away gently looked at me in a way that she couldn't stay more then she disappeared ,but as you say it is at least something and someway to speak with your deceased one that you love through your life.

Krs · Jul 14, 2006, 02:42 AM

I had a similar dream.
Where I saw my dad walking along the corridor in our house, whistling away ( as he used to ), then he looked me - smiled and winked, and told me " dont worry baby im ok " :)
Then the corridor turned out to be this vast long bright road and I saw him walking into it - away from me, he looked back again and smiled and he slowly slowly kept walking further :(

Shakeh · Jul 14, 2006, 03:20 AM

This shows that your father is in a safe place and he is happy , I think there is some reality about dreams,may be they are the result of our deepest thoughts,wishes and hopes,I saw my father 12 years ago the day after he died.- he was suffering from parkinson disease for years and that last year he hardly could move and walk-,In my dream I saw him filled with joy walking and running in a beautiful green field filled with flowers he was as happy like his healthy days smiling to me.in the day my mother died I saw him holding me in his arms and told me not to worry .these dreams really help me always and give me power in someway.

Cassie · Jul 14, 2006, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by magprob

Cassie, thank you very much for that. Like you, my two brothers and I arrived 30 minutes after our Mom died. I have always felt terrible because of that but you know, I do not remember the minute she died...I remember her life. Like you, I had contact with my Mom a little while after she passed. I did not see her but she spoke to me in a very clear voice telling me to not worry about her, no more pain and suffering but just happieness. That helped a lot.

The thing with losing Mom is, for me any way, is that it is like you really can never go back home.

Yes, there was no place like's mom's, the unconditional love, the smell, the light and the all over good feeling. Now it is my turn to have that safe haven for my loved ones. I feel she lives on in me by doing that.
I also think she sends angels from time to time to love and care for me in many forms.

Cassie · Jul 14, 2006, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by Shakeh

thankyou dear Cassie ,Im really impressed with your words,last night in my dream I was with my mother she was happy and healthy we passed through streets ,we did shopping a very realistic dream made me to think she is still with me,she told me to not hold her hand and to walk quickly and to not worry about her .

I want to believe our loved ones come to us in our dreams or meditation to comfort us and help us through difficult times. I have a very good friend who's daughter was killed in a car accident, she heard her calling her the next night and she said "I love you". It was not a dream, she did not see her, it was a feeling and she heard the words "mom" and "I love you". It gave her such great comfort.

Cassie · Jul 14, 2006, 09:26 AM

One of the hardest things to do is to let go when one you love passes away. It is easy to hang onto feelings, whether the feeling is guilt, saddness, anger, lonliness etc. We hang onto these feelings because it is an attatchment to that person, and we are afraid if we let go of that feeling we will loose them or forget them or we don't care any more. We want to keep a tight hold on them, since we can not touch them we do it through feelings. Once you replace those old feelings with pure love, for yourself and the loved one, and just let go, peace starts to come and the memories flow. I found the first year was the worst. The first mothers day without her, Christmas, birthday (hers and mine). I decided to find someone that had no one to think of her on those days and I gave her a gift of love in memory of my mother. I still do that each mothers day. Often times more than one person.

Our mothers know when we are born that they will have to leave us someday so they teach us and give us the tools to live our lives without them. In memory of their hard work, that is what we have to do. Dang it, the days of curling up in mom or dad's lap and letting them be our security blanket are given to us when we want to jump out of their laps and explore the world.:)

Shakeh · Jul 14, 2006, 09:50 AM

Thanks again dear Cassie for every of your kind words,I know exactly what you mean Hanging to our feelings.. Im scared to let them go now ,because I'm afraid to lost them throughout my life and to feel empty of that great love. Tomorrow is my sisters birthday and we can't imagine to celebrate it in our home without our moms smile and kindness,we must think about it to do something that will comfort us.