[parent25]

Ok, so I have a courtdate set later this month for child suport.

Let me give you some background...

Son is now 5mo old. I have never gotten one cent from father. He is on birth certificate and did sign acceptance of paternity.

He is homeless. Does not have a job. (I think he is set to start another job this week at a grocery store but it probably won't last for longer than a month.. he has nevr kept a job)

He stays in a shelter. He does not have a car. He does not file taxes. He has stolen from me twice and committed fraud with my credit card.

My concerns are.. he is wanting custody/visitation and has sought help from legal aid. He has a free lawyer. I am scared we do not have equal representation.

Unfortunately to get lawyers you have to be really poor or really rich. I am struggling to take care of my child as a single parent with no help.

So because I will be going into this w/o a lawyer what are some things to be looking out for and asking?. here is what I will be asking for...

-full/sole custody
-if visitation is granted, it must be supervised at secure location
-retro support from date child was born


Is there anyting I am leaving out? Is there anything I should take with me?

Yes I know I should and need a lawyer but I can't afford one so please don't answer my question with "seek advice from attorney". Thanks.

[N0help4u]

Yes if the Judge might grant him visitations you want to stress that you want it supervised.
Supervised would likely be a few hours. If he requests visits be at a relatives house it could be possible that the relatives could vouch for being the supervision and then he could possibly get over nights. Hopefully he wouldn't think of that or be made aware of it.

[parent25]

He doesn't have any family. He has burned all bridges. All he has is a father who won't talk to him and I'm not sure why. He won't tell me. I'm assuming he has stolen from him too. I know he does have extended family in different state and city so neither of those pose threat to me.

Now this supervized visit. How often do you think it will be. I am wanting the minimum. Also, if he does not have a job, what happens then when it comes to child support?

[N0help4u]

My guess is that at the most it would be a few hours once a week but most likely less.
It is up to the Judge. At 5 months old I doubt he would be granted very much time because he has no stability to provide.
The Judge will probably tell him he needs to get a job unless he can prove he has mental or physical problems that prevent him from working.

[parent25]

Ha - I was going to mention that earlier! That is my biggest problem with him!

He is a 28yr old male with no mental or physical handicaps. He has no alcohol or drug addictions. NOTHING!!

There is no reason why he is living the way he is living... NONE!

I hope the judge will be able to see this but as we all know.. courtrooms are not dr. phil, they are the law!

[starbuck8]

First of all, I'm not in the legal profession. I don't know where you live, or what the laws are where you are from. Are you absolutely certain that you do not qualify for legal aid? Sometimes it doesn't matter what your income is. What matters is the money left over after taxes, shelter, clothing, food, daycare, bills, and other immediate expenses. Have you contacted a Mothers Advocate Group in your area, or even a Womans' Shelter? They may be able to give you some helpful tips.

When you go to court, you should definitely take a copy of the Birth Certificate. Take all of the bills you can find... even grocery receipts. Take any proof you may have of him being perfectly able to work. Bring up the fact that he jumps from job to job, to avoid paying support for his child. Ask that his wages be garnished. (although that may deter him further from keeping a job)

I have a site in Canada that I go to, where I can get free answers from lawyers. Since I don't know where you live, I will post one that I found in the US. If that is where you're from, give this link a try. You might get some good tips and advice.

Good luck, and let me know if it helhttp://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=ask+a+lawyer&btnG=Google+Search&met a=ped you any.

[starbuck8]

Oops, that link didn't appear... I'll try again.

Ask A Lawyer - The Local Link Between Consumers, Lawyers and the Law

[parent25]

I am in TEXAS.

Thanks for the advice. I will definitely start to gather up all the bills and such. I didn't even think to think that I would need that.

I am just intimidated by the judge. I feel that they will not want to hear any personal issues and just look at me crazy if I tell the truth about him.

I will definitely stand my ground though thanks.

[starbuck8]

I believe any family court judge will be sympathetic, and maybe empathetic to your situation. Be prepared to get some flack for putting yourself in the situation you are in, but try not to be intimidated by the judge. I'm sure he has dealt with a lot of deadbeats in his career, so I would assume the father of your baby will get a real brow beating too.

Be very careful with the men you get involved with from now on. Your child deserves a good home life, and lots of love and to be taught morality.

[froggy7]

ha - i was gonna mention that earlier! that is my biggest problem with him!!

he is a 28yr old male with no mental or physical handicaps. He has no alcohol or drug addictions. NOTHING!!!

There is no reason why he is living the way he is living...NONE!

I hope the judge will be able to see this but as we all know..courtrooms are not dr. phil, they are the law!

UMM.. I find it very hard to think that he woke up one morning and said: "You know what, being homeless sounds like a fun way to live." So, either it's mental problems, or a physical problem, or an addiction. You probably know the real answer, since you knew this guy well enough to have a baby with him. If he were just lazy, he'd be working enough to afford whatever his favorite vices were, and just stiffing you for money.

The bad news for you is that child support is generally based upon income, and if there is some reason that he is homeless, besides it being a very bizarre life choice, you are going to be awarded some small token amount. Because you can't get money if there's none there.

[ScottGem]

While no one can predict what a judge will do, if the circumstances are as you describe, I can't imagine any judge giving him more than a couple of hours of weekly supervised visitation.

To provide a healthy environment for a 5 mo old, would require more than a shelter as residence. He is running up against a double edged sword. If he wants to avoid child support he claims he has no job. In addition he will have to list his residence. A judge will look at that and say how can you provide for the baby during visitation? That's going to put the kibosh on any visitation order.

What you need to do is avoid badmouthing the father. You can point out that he is not gainfully employed and lives in a shelter. These are facts. Don't say something like "the bum doesn't have a job", rather put it like; "he is not employed at this time so I don't know how he can provide for the baby during visits". Keep your statements factual and non-accusatory.

One last point, Child Support and visitation are separate issues and should be argued separately.

[parent25]

He is just lazy. Yes he is homeless but he manages to pay a cell phone bill every month. He manages to still wear all the latest brands and the coolest shoes.

Like I said, there is nothing wrong with him.

And I spoke with attorney generals ofc this morning. They said if he doesn't have a job then the will base if off 20% of minimum wage and that will keep tacking up every month if he doesn't pay it.

[parent25]

Thanks Scott for the advice.. and yes one good thing about us is that even though this is all happening me and him are able to get along. We have never had name calling or any fights of that sort. We have always managed to keep our arguments low key and to the point.

He knows he is not a good father - he argues that it doesn't matter though and he is still going to see his son.

(yes I know that is prob going to be true in the end because yes we know they are two separate issues)

Like I said, I have never been rude or mean to him only direct and honest. He knows this. Hopefully it will carry on in court.

[ScottGem]

Good luck and keep us posted.

[parent25]

Hey OK the court date is tomorrow! Im so nervous.. just wanted to let you guys know I will let you know the outcome as soon as I get home from court tomorrow.

Any last pointers? Ive been receiving calls from his father about every other week saying a money order is in the mail and I still never received anything.. how bizarre huh? What's the point of him calling and telling me this then not sending it? I don't get it...

Is this something that should be mentioned to the judge? Im so nervous. I am showing up ( I know I know) w/o an attorney. He will have one with him from legal aid. I feel OK though and that I have a strong case. Nothing has changed, he still has no home oh and that job he supposedly was going to start a few weeks ago.. yea that's no more! So I don't know if he is now working at this time.

Wish us luck!

[starbuck8]

I wish you all the luck in the world! Stand your ground and be strong. Make the judge understand that this man isn't a stable person. He has no home and does not have any means of supporting your child, as he doesn't have a job, and doesn't have the responsibility to keep one.

I WOULD tell the judge that he contacted you and said "the cheque is in the mail", but you haven't seen a dime. Make sure you list ALL of your expenses, and hardships that you've have encountered and endured because of the fathers lack of responsibility. Take all of the bills you can gather together, if you haven't done so already. Medical expenses, daycare or babysitting, a monthly average of grocery bills, clothing, baby furniture, car seat, and incidentals... etc.!

If you happen to have any voicemails/texts from the father saying he would pay you, etc. I would take those also if you kept any. If you can remember any dates he has called you for whatever reason, write those down and take them too.

Do you have anyone going with you for support? A friend?. your Mother?. a character witness? Take whatever you have with you, whether you think it will be needed or not. You can be sure that legal aid will have all of his/her papers in order.

Be humble, and claim a total laspe in judgement, when your baby was conceived, and ask for the courts forgiveness in bringing a child into this world when you failed to realise the consequences of your actions.

Most of all (and trust me I know it's hard) stay calm and composed. Only answer the questions that the judge or legal aid asks you. Do not elaborate or give up any other info, answer the question with a Yes/No, or "I don't recall", unless they ask for more. You should be allowed a closing statement, and that is when you can say what you need to let the judge know.

As I said, I wish you all the luck in the world! No child should have to be forced to live with a man that is homeless and has no job or responsibility.

I hope this all works out for you, so your babe can have people around him that have the capacity and the common sense to take good care of him!

[parent25]

YAY! Its done! I am soooo excited I was strong enough to get through all of this with my child's father. We ended up not having to appear in front of the judge today at court. After many many debates and compromises we were able to finally agree to the same terms!

So... the outcome...

I was named the Sole Managing Parent

I received backsupport from date child was born at a wage of $10/hr (better than I expected)

We set up current child support and he is resp. for paying our medical insurance.

He agreed to supervised visits only twice a month for 2hrs through kid exchange program. After two years I agreed to up it to 4hrs but still twice a month only for one more year. Then after that the document states visitation is based on agreement! (I think this was the most debated topic today! Im exausted!)

I was also awarded $900 in medical expenses I have already paid..

So I am very happy and just wanted to give you guys an update. Thanks for all your help and support!

[starbuck8]

Congratulations! I glad everything went so well, and you got the back support, and medical expenses that you need for your baby. I guess the hard part will be squeezing blood from a stone, but at least you have the order in hand.

Good luck from here on in to you and your baby! I hope you can collect what you are entitled to!

[kadensmommy]

He doesnt have any family. He has burned all bridges. all he has is a father who wont talk to him and im not sure why. he wont tell me. im assuming he has stolen from him too. I know he does have extended family in different state and city so neither of those pose threat to me.

now this supervized visit. how often do you think it will be. i am wanting the minimum. Also, if he does not have a job, what happens then when it comes to child support?

I filed at one time then canceled it. And in the state of Texas the lady told me, if there is not a good enough reason for them not to work [such as metal problems, etc.] the minimum would be 250 a month, but that was about 2 years ago.

[kadensmommy]

Sorry I hadn't gone through all the posts before I posted that.
But congrats!