[italianbella]

I was with my boyfriend for a year, and nothing was wrong we spent every moment we could together because we enjoyed eachothers company. Like every relationship we had our arguments but it was always over stupid meaningless things. He'd tell me he'd need his space, and id give it to him and we were fine again.
On our one year anniversary he took me out for dinner, everything was fine we joked we laughed we talked, it happened to be victoria day long weekend so there was fireworks going on downtown which we had plans for to see later. After dinner we went back to his place to watch some of the basketball game, and then left to catch the fireworks around 9:30, still at this time no problems no issues we were completely fine. On the way home I suggested passing by his house again to finish watching the game so we went back there and just hung out for a bit. Later when it was time for me to go home I jokefully said no (as I always do) and being the sweetheart that he is, he agreed to 5 more minutes, when I turned to look at him and smile he pushed my face away down onto his chest, but kind of rudely (mind you we have a joke about this where I like to bug him and he laughs it off by pushing my face away.. I know it sounds corny and dumb but it's a joke) anyway this time when he didn't it, it seemed almost like there was an anger towards it, so I slowly moved to the edge of the bed to grab my purse and jacket, and while I was sitting there he just sat there and watched me for 5 minutes until he finally got up and walked in front of me and said I'm sorry you don't deserve my attitude. (he can be a very grumpy and stubburn guy sometimes, but I put up with it because he's an amazing boyfriend he treated me like a princess, everyone gets grumpy sometimes). I turned to him and sort of laughed it off like oh wow your apologizing you never apologize why you say that now? And he responded because you don't deserve that. Jokefully I was like well treat me nicer then, or would you rather not be with me. Stupid thing for me to say I know but I wasn't thinking, but he never answered, so I was confused. One the drive home we weren't talking at all and when I looked over at him his face was very sad looking, and I asked him what was wrong, he pulled over and started sobbing and crying tell me how he cared about me so much and that I'm an amazing girlfriend and the perfect girl for him, but he needed space and he needed time to be alone. Obviousely I dunnowhere this came from, but he promised me he would take me out and we could be friends and what not.
Well anyway, that week, because that happened on a Monday we didn't talk at all, until the Friday when I received a message from him asking me if I wanted to hang out and go see the movie he promised me we would see. We hung out and everything was great we had fun. That weekend I left him alone and he called me on the following Monday and again we hung out on the Friday and everything went great again.
The Friday after we never hung out I sort of left him alone because we had a REALLY hot day and he's a roofer and it's a very drainig job for him, he spends a lot of his time sleeping. I thought everything was going good so I decided to have "the talk" with him, well boy was I wrong it went terrible he still told me he wanted his space and that he cared about me a lot and he wasn't asking me to wait for him if I didn't want to but he still needed time. After that we hadn't talked for a week maybe and I haven't seen him since, but he kept in touch with me, I asked him if he wanted to hang out 1 night and he told me he would call me back and he didn't. But the following day he apologized like crazy because he had fallen asleep. I told him it was okie and he promised me he would take me out another time.
That week he called me a few times to talk to see how I was doing. When the Friday came around I got really frusterated with the situation and when he called I asked if he wanted to grab a coffee, well he was going to a friends soccer game and told me if it wasn't late he would pass by and see me, because he had a busy weekend with work ahead of him. That was fine but when 9 30pm rolled around I really started getting annoyed so I sent him a text msging telling him it was late and I'm sure that with his busy schedule he'd be tired so we would reschedual for another time. Sure enough 15 minutes later he called me on his drive home apologizing because the game had just ended but it was late. He could hear the grumpyness in my voice even though I was trying to hide it, I guess he knows me to well so he asked if I was mad, and in a kindest way I could I asked him what it would matter to him if I was? And if he still cared about me like he said he did. He said of course I care but I don't think this is the right time for this conversation, mind you its been a month and a half , when the heck ever is the right time? Anyway. We spoke about it he told me he cared and I told him if he did than he needed a better way of showing it, so we kind of resolved the conflict and ended that conversation and he said he would call me soon. That was 2 fridays ago. Last Monday I had some exciting news to tell him so I called him and when he didn't answer I thought it was OK because he would return my phone call like he always has, but he never did, its now been over a week and I've heard nothing from him.
I know I should just move on and forget about him, but I care about him so much, no matter what I do everything and anything reminds me of him. The last thing I want is to lose contact with him, and I'm terrified I'll never see or hear from him again. I really just want to be with him again, but I don't know how to go about it.

Any advice on what I should do from here on out?? :(

[eastcoast1]

Welcome Italianbella,

I just read your post, and frankly it sounds like you are walking on eggshells with this guy, and that's not healthy. To me it seems like you are doing most of the work in this relationship to keep it going, and honestly that's not going to get you anywhere. You sound like a caring person which deserves the same level or care back, and he's not giving it to you. I would make myself unavailable, don't contact him, and if/when he does think of you first, not him.

A relationship should be well balanced, and frankly as I mentioned above, you are doing most of the work here. He is wishy-washy when it comes to your feelings, and it's all about him, how he's feeling, what he needs, this isn't a good place to be at. I would take some time to yourself to really think about if this is something you want to pursue. There are men out there that put in the same effort as you are, and would be a better harmony. You shouldn't have to think of you next move, or if you're going to say the wrong thing and make him grumpy, you don't deserve this.

Keep your chin up, and try to focus on yourself right now, don't put so much emphasis on him, he's not doing his part to keep this relationship healthy.

Keep us updated

[Applejacks83irv]

It sound sweet in the being? But went to poop?. but I thank when he say he need space? It means he is with someone else.. cause I use to do the same? Never retrun a call? Or say my phone die? Ha! No babe find you some one better or turn it around and say I NEED SPACE and let him sit it out? It might change him?. might?. but yeah a guy that need space? Come on? You ever ask for space?

[italianbella]

AppleJack, I actually know for a FACT he's not with another another, or hasn't cheated on me, we share a lot of the same views on life and cheating or finding another girl is completely out of the question, his ex girlfriend before me ripped his heart out and stepped on it when she cheated on him, so, that's not the case, and yes I have asked for space before to a different ex because I felt like I needed to be alone. But thanks for the imput.

[Applejacks83irv]

no prb shug, I hope everything works out? But he's asking for a lot of space don't you think?and you go for days and week here and there? Of no contact? And he get piss off you call in a week? If it was me? It would show me that you care! And I would tell you what's going on in my brain! And I would like but I miss you bah bah bah, no its I that I love u cause you are the one who put up with my gummpness!! Can't wait to see you I'm an azz! LOL! I'm sorry I just try ing to make you LOL!! But yeah you might want to call it a girls night out? You know what I saying? And talk about it to them? BUT STILL SPACE = SHOPPING AROUND!! AND KEEPING YOU IN THE BLIND??

[Rockstar714]

Bella --

He seems really distant to me. You shouldn't have to deal with his mood swings like that, its not healthy because obviously it makes you upset.

He wants space because he needs space and time to be alone. Plus he's saying that you don't deserve to be treated badly by him (which is true, and he realizes it) Sounds like he has some issues he is needing to work out on his own.

He may be wanting space to shop around. He may be wanting space to work through these issues, but you have to let him have this space. By the two of you staying friends and hanging out, its not actually giving him space. Stop calling him, stop texting him and let him have his space. You said he's asked for it a few times and every time returns to normal, well maybe this is just a longer time that he needs space.

Go out with your friends, do something you enjoy and let him come to you when he's ready. I know it'll be hard, but trust me, its what you have to do.

[talaniman]

I thought relationships were about caring, and sharing, living, and loving, so please understand that I don't recognize what you, and he, are doing at all. I understand needing space as well as anyone, but not disappearing from someone's life for weeks at a time. What kind of bonding is that? Why are you even putting up with this, and reducing yourself to a part time booty call. Your working mighty hard to have... nothing, and I do hope you finally learn to love yourself, and get more for you, because he just don't care.

[italianbella]

Im not his booty call, we haven't had an sexual contact at all since the break up, we've hung out as friends and watched movies, so I don't know where you got the booty call idea from.
I'm a very stuburn person as well so I'm sorry if I come off as rude I'm not trying to because I do appreciate everyone's advice, obviousely that's what I'm here for. As for the contacting him, I know it sounds like I do a lot of the work, but I'm positive it was at an equal share I never harassed him with phone calls and texts after we broke up, I left him alone to come after me. I have been putting effort into trying to make this work, but that was only after the 1st 2 dates we went on.
Rockstar, you mentioned how I said he's askedfor space before, it was different though, it was always during arguments and it was because we saw each other too much, our way of resolving that was spending less days together. I should have been more clear on that.
As for leaving him alone and not contacting him, that's what I've doing this entire week and a half I haven't attempted calling him or txting him at all, I know the way I wrote my situation out and what not it makes him seem like a jerk for doing this to me, and that he's just looking for another girl and he's an A*hole or what not, but in actuality he's not, and I'm not saying this because I'm blinded by anything or whatever. I've actually dated A LOT of guys too many to know how they think and act and what not and he was COMPLETELY the opposite, so kind and caring he loved spending every waking moment with me even if it meant doing things he hated i.e.. Going for walks along Lakeshore. He hated walking because of how lazy his job made him, but he would do it for me just to put a smile on my face. He really is an amazing guy and I think that's why I'm still so hung up on him.

[talaniman]

So what kind of relationship is this, and if your broken up, what is it you want to do?? I can only go by what you wrote that your going through, but sorry for the booty call crack, unnecessary on my part.

[italianbella]

Its okie. And I have no idea ,see I'm so confused, as of right now we're broken up and that's all I know, and obviousely what I want is to be with him. I just don't know what to do anymore, I really feel like giving up is all I can do..

[sokay]

I think you should give up. He's got you feeling like you need to be a mind reader, and you can't. And he's a little moody. I think you just need to let go of this altogether. Just get into your work or school or friends or hobbies. Maybe he'll figure himself out, and then again, maybe you'll meet someone else.

[Applejacks83irv]

Well my bad too? Don't mean to piss you off? I play the same game a lot being the diff guy? And yeah you all confused and obviousely don't know what you want so? Save you the time and ask him? What he wants and if it don't feel right in your heart or gut? Call it off? I'm sure your pertty and all a bag og chips babe but? Why lead? Right? If he's push you pulling or the oppss?

[talaniman]

Maybe its time to figure yourself out without some so close in your life. No telling what can be learned about YOU.

Click on the links in my signature, and read what others are going through, and the coping skills they are using to unconfuse themselves, and deal with their situations. I'm sure you'll find your not alone at all, as a matter of fact, we all have to go through this same experience.

[italianbella]

I really think I should just let him go, if its it meant to be then it'll be.. I guess its like that saying if you love someone let them go and if they come back to its yours to keep... I guess we'll just have to see.
Talking to him and asking him what he wants is completely out of the question I've tried and he feels that "its not the right time to talk about this" he says he cares about me still, but I have a really hard time believing it anymore. Maybe if I learn to let him go he'll learn what he's lost..

[Rockstar714]

It doesn't sound like he's willing to talk and communicate and work through things. You said that he asked for space during arguments, that says a lot right there: he isn't willing to work through things. I've said this before in other posts, COMMUNICATION IS KEY. If the TWO of you aren't willing to communicate and work through things, nothing will ever get solved. He tells you its not the right time to talk about it, then when is? 20 years down the road when you've moved on?

Just let him go. If he's not mature enough to talk through things, then obviously he shouldn't be in a grown up relationship. I your post didn't make him seem like an a-hole for wanting space, I was just letting you know some of the possibilities for him wanting space.

Maybe right now isn't the right time for the two of you, like you said. If he comes back and is willing to work things out, then so be it, but for now, you don't need this.

[talaniman]

Maybe if I learn to let him go he'll learn what he's lost..

Even if he learns nothing at all, at leat you would have moved to a better place in your life, without him.