[sgtmom4]

I am very frustrated. I hope I am doing this right. My son is 29. Living with his girfriend. He has a daughter, my Grand Daughter. I don't see her much. If it were up to me I would see her every day. Now they are moving 1000 miles away. He berates me. Calls me a lier. I need help I am a good person. My son is the only person that thinks this way. Everyone says he needs paxil or something. I thnk he needs something. I devoted my life to him. My first marriage to his Bio. Dad. Didn't work, because he chose drinking over us. I left to protect my son. I dated rarely, had sex with no one, and brought no one home to meet him as a boy friend until the man I actually married. We dated 3 years. Of course my son did not like him. Shortly after we were married though he became close to my husband This made me very happy, but the closer he became to my husband the more he hated me.

>Moved from Forum help<

[simoneaugie]

The things you gave up to raise you son the best you could are not lost. But you can't make him like you, or share his child with you. You may demand that he treats you with respect. Other than that, let him go. Take good care of yourself and your new husband and see what happens.

[sgtmom4]

I am the person who asked the question. I had hoped I would get more help, but I do thank the one person who answered.

[Treeny]

I am sorry for that. There really is no right answer. Maybe he does need medication, if you and others that know him think so. Have you tried talking to his girlfriend?
Also there is such a thing as grandparents visitation rights.

[JoeCanada76]

Honestly, you as a mother needs to show love to him no matter what way he is behaving. At the same time he is 29 and has his own life and own family and you need to respect the bounderies that he has said. Does that mean he has the right to call you these things and berates you maybe not, then again there are three sides to every story. Your side and his side and the actual truth.

There are things that has happened in his life that has caused a lot of turmoil and even though you thought you did enough maybe in his mind you did not. You need to except that there is a far distance between the two of you and that anytime that you have should be about the family and not just to get into arguments or fights.

There are just some families and personalities that just do not get along, and know that no matter what happens he will always be your son, and you will always be his mother.

Be patient and loving and just do you best to let him know that you love him but also like I said before respect his privacy and his bounderies that he is setting now for his own life.

Best wishes for you.

Do not try to hold on to him, because the more you try the further he will be from you. This is how it works a lot of the time. So give him the space he needs and obviously he has been needing that space for a long time. I am just going by what I have read and just my own opinion.

Joe

[isabelle]

sgtmom4 , I am so sorry for your hurt. I went through the very same thing. My son loved me his entire life. He was a great son. We started a business and I sold him my apart ( which was the plan all a long.) I don't know what happened but things changed and they changed for the worst.
The only advice I can give you is to leave him alone, no mater how much it hurts. You have seen that thee is nothing you can do to help the situation.
After about 4 years my son has come back to me but not very often. I have never seen my grandchildren since the original fall out.
Maybe time will help you. I pray that it will. The thing that helped me the most was that I would never allow anyone to cause me to want to commit suicide. That was the place I was in when I first found this board. The people on here didn't help me much but they did make me want to fight for my life. I hope it never comes to that for you.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. There are a lot of parents that go through this with there adult children. I am not sure that anyone knows why.
You must take care of yourself and think of yourself first.
Yopu must not blame yourself anf you can't depend on your son ever coming arounf until he gets some kind of help. My son is now taking medication, but it is too late for the grand chldren.
Please feel free to ask me or talk to me at any time, I really do know how much this can hurt.

[George_1950]

...The only advice I can give you is to leave him alone, no mater how much it hurts. You have seen that thee is nothing you can do to help the situation.
...
Maybe time will help you. I pray that it will. The thing that helped me the most was that I would never allow anyone to cause me to want to commit suicide. That was the place I was in when I first found this board. The people on here didn't help me much but they did make me want to fight for my life. I hope it never comes to that for you.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. There are a lot of parents that go through this with there adult children. I am not sure that anyone knows why.
You must take care of yourself and think of yourself first.
Yopu must not blame youself anf you can't depend on your son ever coming arounf until he gets some kind of help....

I agree that "you must take care of yourself..." and not let your well-being and happiness depend on how your son treats you. Kids grow at different rates and times; perhaps he's been too close and needs to separate for a while. Work on your issues and be a positive influence in your community and with your family, especially the grandchild (notes and cards). Don't forget to include counseling: local mental health clinic or pastor.