[Skeeney1]

I want to thank you so much, for being that impartial voice that keeps me in line, but lets me know if I am on the right track. This little angel came into my life at a time when I didn't think there was much left of me to give, my kids were getting older and spreading their wings, and I had just lost my mother. A part of me believes my mom had a hand in this, because I can tell you that I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel... I certainly wasn't looking to start all over with a little one, but there was just something about this baby that reached out and grabbed me. I cannot explain it... I have seen a lot of babies (I'm a nurse), but none of them touched me like this one. Lastnight I had pretty much made up my mind, that if she ever let me have her again for another extended time, I would file for custody... but I was pretty sure she wouldn't give me another opportunity. I did something today that I am maybe not so proud of... I used her own greed against her. I simply mentioned in the break room (in front of the same person who ran back and told her about the b/f conversation), that I hoped I could get my money back for all the Christmas I had on layaway, and like clockwork Mom had my little angel calling me, wanting me to "come get me." Is that bad? I think it is... but at this point, I don't much care how Mom feels. She sure didn't care how I OR her daughter felt.

[startover22]

Oh Skeeny, I am sorry about your mom.
Did you go and get her? Did you talk to her mom?
Damn it, I know this is a really tough situation, and I know just for you being with her will teach her a few things about love and how to cherish any time you get to spend with her;)
That is the main thing you need to remember that just because she is so young, doesn't mean she doesn't see. Ya know? Hugs Skeeny, really really big hugs;)

[Skeeney1]

OK... well this is not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped. No, I didn't go get her... I should say, I commute an hour to and from work everyday, and that she lives in that city... and I was almost home when that call came in. Then I should say that my close friend from work's son, who is a police officer in that city, advised me that it would be better for me in court if she dropped her off to me instead of me picking her up as I had done before all this happened, so that she couldn't say that I pressured her into letting me have her. Additionally, she recently moved clear on the other side of the city (almost an additional hour out of my way), and I have no idea where. So lastnight on the phone I told the girls (she dialed the phone then handed it to them, knowing it would pull at my heartstrings, and also so she wouldn't have to apologize for being so rude to me on Monday when she told me I couldn't see her), to have their Mommy drop her off at my work today at 3pm, and then I would take her home with me, and they said OK. Today I purposely stayed out of my office and "unavailable" for phone calls, so what she did was call her "buddy" with the big mouth who started all this trouble, and have her hand me the phone. She was just as insistant, that I had to come get her, as I was that she needed to bring her to me. In the end, she called my bluff and refused... she claimed she didn't have a car, so she couldn't, however at one point in the conversation she offered to meet me at their old house. When I asked her how she planned on getting there, if she truly had no car... she stopped answering my texts. I wanted ever so badly to cave, but now it's almost like she is purposely messing with me, so I held firm and will just plan on seeing my attorney Tuesday morning as scheduled. ::sigh:: go figure!

[startover22]

How did the meeting go with the attorney? How are you doing now?

[Skeeney1]

Well... my attorney said it would take at least 2 years and approximately $20,000 to do it, so obviously that is not an option. He suggested that I just keep doing what I was doing, and that eventually Mom would either a) get arrested again, or b) get tired of the whole process, and sign her over. I have just been enjoying the time I have with her, and making sure she knows that we all love her. Funny though that you should write me THIS weekend... because I am currently conflicted, this has NOT been a good weekend. First of all Mom asserted her right to have her for the holidays, which I totally understand, but then she calls me Christmas night after they are done with their holiday, and wants me to "come get your baby!" RIGHT NOW. When I didn't immediately jump, she was all pissed off yelling at me on the phone and hung up. So I spent 3 hours the day after Christmas in bumper to bumper traffic fighting holiday travelers, on what is normally a 45 minute drive to get her out of her hair so she could go out. Let me say that her and the kids Dad are fighting because his new g/f just had a baby, and so now he wants nothing to do with her or her kids, so she is constantly a chore to deal with. Anyway my angel has always been that... a sweet and loving child, who is a joy to be around, but this weekend she was rude, disrespectful, and at times downright hateful in some of the things she said and did to me. Things that a 3 year old doesn't think up on their own, they learn what they hear... so I know that every time Mom and I have a "disagreement", she voices her opinions in front of the kids. The problem being, when she talks disrespectfully about me in front of the kids, she teaches her how to treat me. Ordinarily I would have just disciplined her as if she were my own... but after the last couple months, I am uncomfortable doing that, as I don't want that to be her next reason for calling me at work screaming (she did that after I trimmed the ends off the baby's hair, which I have done many times before with no reaction whatsoever). So my question is this... do I stop this now, while she still has some good memories of life with us? Or do I continue to trudge along, and hope that it gets better in time? HELP!

[startover22]

Skeeny, you can stop if you want to. BUT just because you haven't been able to do what you want to do with her and her mom, does NOT MEAN SHE CAN BE RUDE TO YOU! Do you hear me, you should discipline her when she talks that way to you or your family. You can't always be the nice one, an teaching her the right way to be is your job when she is with you as well.
I would not trim her hair anymore... no matter what. This is your chance to make a difference in this little ladies life, she is getting the "good" from you. Do you understand that? If this is too tough a situation, you need to make a "what is best for me choice"... no one an make it for you;) Hugs Skeeny, really, I hope you come through OK.

[Skeeney1]

OK... now that I have had some time to step back and think about this, my conclusion is that lately I have been trying to just get her on weekends (babysitter problems), so she has been spending more time at home than usual... and that is why she acted exactly like her completely undisciplined older sister. Solution: solve my babysitter problem and go back to the previous 5 days with me/2 days with Mom schedule. She went to bed at the same time every night, took a regular nap, she was a happier child, and she NEVER ever talked back to me, much less say something downright hurtful to me, in fact all it took was for me to give her "the look" and it would reduce her to tears... but not this weekend, she was openly defiant. And you're right, when she's here she's part of the family, and she needs to understand that the rules apply to her as well. But I do think I am going to mention to Mom, that in the future I would appreciate it if when she wants to "vent" about me, that she not do it in front of the kids.

[startover22]

Good Skeeny, if that can happen, then I would make it so;) You are a good woman.

[Skeeney1]

Aww... shucks :)

[startover22]

I know how frustrating it can be to not have the desired control. What makes you so wonderful is you keep up with that little girl cause you care about her so much.

[Skeeney1]

As a nurse, it's not so much wanting to control things, as it is feeling the need to "fix things. My friends, part of my family, and most definitely the baby's family, all think I am a sucker for jumping through hoops for this little girl who I have no blood relationship to, without getting paid a dime... but you are right, I wouldn't do it if I didn't love her like one of my own, and want to give her a fighting chance in life. And yes, I know I will be broke the rest of my life... but isn't that part of what love is, sacrifice?

[startover22]

Sacrifice is what is missing in this world. Give something and get nothing for it... we need more people like that!:)