[babz888]

OK so here's the thing..
My best friend is finding it really hard to break up with here boyfriend... I've giving here advice but she won't listen so she want to post on here


... Sam here.. I'm dating a guy called mark.. been together a long tym..
I'm nli 16 and I'm off on holiday with babz888 (aka lauryn)
My boyfriend has told me that he doesn't want me to wear dresses... bikinis... anything stylish..

I get thae fact that he gets jealous or wotever as people say but I feel like he's being controlling..

To make matters worse he called me a slut when my mum bought me a dress...

Then when I told him that we needed too sort out his controlling behaviour before our relationship went anywere he agreed.. when it came to discussing it.. he laughed . Typical male.

I told him we were breaking up and he told me to give it too Sunday.. but I was to think of the consequences... then he threated to actually kill me if he found out id cheated on him... I would never cheat on anyone..

I also had a pregnancy scare about 4 week ago and he went mad telling me he had no desire to have my children... so I won't sllep woth him now without a condom.. and he won't sleep with me with one...

I love him completely and this is really hurting me.. its not good, I don't no what to do..

Should we break up.? If so how should I do it.? I don't want him to go into a temper and hit me :S wb asap xOxOx ty

I'm really confused..

[AA2008]

Your fella is a knob. Sorry but you need to chuck him if he loved you he would not threaten you the way he is.

[SingingNun]

Leave him. Now. I am very serious. This is not good and it is only going to get worse.

He has already threatened you. If you leave him be prepared for him to try to threaten you more. In the states you can get a restraining order, I'm not sure where you are at. When you say 'holiday' it sounds like you are in England and I'm assuming they have the same type of deal there. It would be even better if you had the threat he made previously in writing.

This is an abusive relationship. No one should control you. Never. Love does not equal control.

You may think you love him, but I don't think you do. I think you are dependent on him and he is taking advantage of that. Real love does not behave this way. When you truly love someone you allow them to be who they are, and you love that person for all their worth and then some.

Talk to your parents. If he has already shown his true colors in front of your mother then confid in her and ask for help. If he threatens you make sure your family and friends know what is going on. I think if you sit down and listen to what your mother has to say, you will be surprised.

[Distantlove]

You're very young, you have so many more men to meet in your lifetime! Seriously, don't bring yourself to getting anymore attached to this disrespectful, manipulative, controlling guy. And he's threatened to kill you? A potential abuser.. he has no consideration for your feelings, he laughed when you suggested he seek help, he called you a slut, he's said he would kill you, he won't sleep with you with protection yet he doesn't want kids.. are you saying you can love this guy? I STRONGLY suggest that you leave him. I dislike him already and I don't even know him. He is very immature and disrespectful, and you don't deserve that. You are young, yet you want to be trapped by this controlling guy? Counselling won't even help, especially as he has no intention of going to one.. what makes you think he will change? He won't.

I have a good friend who is 19 years old, who dated a guy for 3 years, and he started by threatening her, telling her what to wear etc, then it started to get very abusive and she became very scared of him. She really loved him but eventually she had to leave him, and now she is very happy. She's dating better guys who actually show interest in her. You're young, don't waste your teenage years being unhappy, make the most of it.

It will be hard, but leave this guy asap.

[babz888]

Great :)

[lovedoctor]

He def doesn't deserver you because like said if he really loved you he woudnt threathen you at all. I understand the jealousy part but he still can't tell you what to do, he seems like he has huge trust issues and I think he's scared that your going to find something better which you will. By calling you names he doesn't respect you and doesn't really want you as bad as you want him. You want to be a with a person if your happy and in love and not because your being forced then again he might be crazy here's my suggestion if you know his fam and are good with them, let them know before this break up if he does get crazy he is going to need family support. He doesn't seem like he's joking but he might just try to scare you but I woudnt risk it, once his family knows bring him to a park or something and just causally bring it up...

[babz888]

OK.. ty.. I have listened to her... she z do what my heart is saying.. told my dad too.. he got angry and z about smashing his face which obviously isn't good :S... I'm honestly scared.. I do love him. I don't want to break it of because I care for him and I think he needs hellp but he is bringing me down with him... what will I say to him?

[babz888]

And... his mum is a lovely women but his dad is a weirdo.. also very controlling with his mother as uve ntoiced in the past year... he wasn't like this the first year of realationship but l8ly he's been bringing up iraq and the things he went through.. I don't want to leave him in this state.. he's talked about killing himself and me if we split.. I'm really scared.. honestly.. don't nowot to do..

[Distantlove]

and... his mum is a lovely women but his dad is a weirdo.. also very controlling with his mother as uve ntoiced in the past year... he wasnt like this the first year of realationship but l8ly he's been bringing up iraq and the things he went through.. i dont want to leave him in this state.. hes talked about killing himself and me if we split.. im really scared.. honestly.. dnt nowot to do..

If he has said that then please go to the police..

[babz888]

I don't want to get into all of the police thing... I thik he's duffering from depression... he seems to be bringing me downhill with him.. what will I say to gently break it of with him?? Wb xIx

[SingingNun]

ok ..ty.. i have listened to her... she z do what my heart is sayin.. told my dad too .. he got angry and z about smashing his face which obviously isnt good :S... im honestly scared.. i do love him. i dont want to break it of because i care for him and i think he needs hellp but he is bringing me down with him... what will i say to him??

You can't help the world. If he wanted help he would tell you and try to take control of his actions and seek out the professional help. It is a common falsehood of women in abusive relationships to think that they can help the abuser. They can't - unless he wants help and they normally don't. They don't see anything wrong except the person they are abusing.

I would recommend not telling him in person unless it is in a very public place. Have your own ride to and from this place. Do not let him have any control over the situation involving you. Do not go off into a secluded area with him after you tell him or to tell him.

Tell him something simple such as "I love you but I'm not doing this anymore. You need help and I cannot be with you." Do not let him lull you into false promises to get help. A lot of abusers do this, promising to get help and then never do. If the time actually comes where he does seek out help, gains control and over a year has passed by then you can think about things again. At this time, do not give up your stance. You cannot stay with someone who thinks that you are lower then the scum on their shoe. You deserve better and you know it, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here looking for help.

Remember, this is not love on his part. Please do not fall into the trap of thinking this is, or allowing him to try and promise you things that will never happen. Protect yourself, your family and your friends. Make sure you take necessary measures and report all threats to the police immediately.

[AA2008]

You can't gently break it off with a guy like this. You have to be blunt, you have no choice here. Tell him the truth.. if I were you I wouldn't do this face to face (alone anyway) write him a letter or better yet a text :) he's not worthy of anything more. Then change your number.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

At 16 you shouldn't make anybody else's burden's your own unless you don't have a choice. And you do have a choice... His family should have nothing to do with whether you stay or leave him. You can't allow his threats (killing himself) and other problems to keep you in a destructive and controlling relationship. Think about yourself, are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for his? Especially after the way he has treated you. You are 16, get out of this relationship and move on. You've got so many things to look forward to, don't allow this monster of a boyfriend hold you back any longer.

[babz888]

Thank you.. this is guna be so hard to do.. esp with that horrible pain in my chest :(:(... do you's all agree with me writing him a letter?

[talaniman]

should we break up.??
Yes as soon as possible.
if so how should i do it.??
Tell him with people around in a public place its over and to leave you alone forever.
i dont want him to go into a temper n hit me
Call the cops, parents and friends. Just do it he is a fool, so no telling what he will do.