Check out some similar questions!

sarah11282 · Mar 21, 2006, 03:54 PM

I don't know if I am posting this in the right forum but anyway.

Me and my ex broke up in June of last year. I have pretty much moved on from him. I think that I am the type of person that will not completely move on until I fall for someone else, but I have basically moved on pretty well and I don't think that I hold any hidden desires to want to get back with him.

But I can't seem to date other men. This might sound crazy but I just don't like it. And the thought of getting psychically close with someone else would turn my stomach (not that I want to go out and have 1 night stands or anything like that)

I can't understand why I am like this. I have dated other people but all I want to do is get away from them. What is up with me?:confused: does anyone know.

Sorry if this is a stupid question ;)

DrJ · Mar 21, 2006, 04:01 PM

Well, first for the most obvious solution...

Have you tried dating women?

sarah11282 · Mar 21, 2006, 04:02 PM

No I'm not gay :) this is just not like me? Don't understand it.

orange · Mar 21, 2006, 04:11 PM

Maybe you're not ready to date again yet? Or maybe you don't like the process of dating? I know I never did any "traditional" dating... With my husband for example, we never actually went on a traditional date. We actually met at a university party, kept bumping into each other at other campus parties, and became friends before we were "involved". I had similar experiences with the 3 serious boyfriends I had before my husband. I never did have much luck with dating per se.

You also might not have found anyone yet who appeals to you. Personally I've never found many men attractive LOL. Just once in a while. In any event, I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you're happy in other areas of your life, you'll meet someone you enjoy being with when you're ready.

Wildcat21 · Mar 21, 2006, 04:14 PM

You haven't found the right guy who curls your toes. Keep looking. Keep talking.

This WILL take time - some people take over 1 year to really get over an ex. Especially when there was great intimacy - that's VERY hard to replace.

thegoddessasheni · Mar 21, 2006, 04:32 PM

You are just not ready yet. Give it sometime. There is nothing wrong with you. It happens to everyone. You are maybe afraid of getting hurt again? You will find someone after you are ready.

Wildcat21 · Mar 21, 2006, 04:39 PM

Do other things to keep busy = work on yourself for now. WORKOUT, work harder at work, school, hang with friends a lot, family, hobbies, read, religion.

You significant other is PART of your life - not your life.

You also might see a doctor and have a full check up.

PLUS I know for a fact working out can totally get you going. Join a gym.

sarah11282 · Mar 21, 2006, 05:07 PM

Yes the other parts of my life is OK. I am in 4th year at uni and getting my degree in may so I am pretty busy with that.

I think that maybe I am scared of getting hurt again. And I think that it will take some time to have a relationship like I did with my ex.

We were friends before we got together, and our relationship was based on friendship and we had great respect and trust in each other and were absoulte best friends so I guess it will be pretty hard to find that again.
So maybe it's the fact that it will be hard to find a relationship like my last one, and the fear of losing something so important again, because I lost my boyf and my best friend.

So even though I am pretty much over him could it be the fear of losing a relationship like that again as well as the fact that it is going to be pretty difficult to find a realationship like that again that is making me like this. Would that make sense?

DrJ · Mar 21, 2006, 05:41 PM

The biggest mistake, and yet the hardest to avoid, is bringing past relationship issues into new ones.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2006, 08:04 AM

There is nothing wrong with you at all, live your life and things will happen as they should and there is nothing wrong with waiting for the right one to come along,take all the time you need!:cool: :)

NeedKarma · Mar 22, 2006, 08:18 AM

Until you are happy with yourself as an individual you will not have a healthy relationship. A man will not make you happier or a better person only you can do that for yourself.

kp2171 · Mar 22, 2006, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

You haven't found the right guy who curls your toes. Keep looking. Keep talking.

This WILL take time - some people take over 1 year to really get over an ex. Especially when there was great intimacy - that's VERY hard to replace.

wow. Toe curling? Never thought about that. All the little tricks I've learned over the years to please a woman and I've been doing it all wrong. =)

NeedKarma · Mar 22, 2006, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

wow. toe curling? never thought about that. all the lil tricks i've learned over the years to please a woman and i've been doing it all wrong. =)

I believe here is where we insert the joke about panty hose. :D

kp2171 · Mar 22, 2006, 08:24 AM

Not a stupid question.

And not uncommon to go through a lethargic period where you don't care if you date or not.

I dated a girl for 6 years, bad breakup. And then didn't date for nearly 2... I probably wouldn't dated earlier but the right person didn't come along.

So don't fret about it. Give yourself some time. As long as everything else is balanced it will all work out.

The only issue is to come to terms with any frustrations from the past relationship as best you can.

kp2171 · Mar 22, 2006, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I believe here is where we insert the joke about panty hose. :D

what?? There's a pantyhose trick too?? =)

NeedKarma · Mar 22, 2006, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

what??? there's a pantyhose trick too????? =)

http://bepop.com.ar/chistes/jokes49c.html

Wildcat21 · Mar 22, 2006, 09:17 AM

"i think that maybe i am scared of getting hurt again." - that's it for sure. I think you have also built barriers/tests to keep you from getting hurt - which is good. Hopefully you learne from the last relationship -then you will be redy to move on.

sarah11282 · Mar 22, 2006, 04:16 PM

Thanks for all the help :) now I don't feel so strange. Yes I think I am perfectly happy not dating at the minute and remaining single so its nice to know that I'm not all that strange.

But yes Wildcat I agree I have put up barriers and I have learned so much from my last relationship.

kp2171 · Mar 22, 2006, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by sarah11282

Thanks for all the help :) now i don't feel so strange. yes i think i am perfectly happy not dating at the minute and remaining single so its nice to know that i'm not all that strange.

well, we never said you weren't strange. You're just weird like us! =)

letmeno · Mar 22, 2006, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Until you are happy with yourself as an individual you will not have a healthy relationship. A man will not make you happier or a better person only you can do that for yourself.

I agree with this one ten fold. If you are not ready to date anyone else, either man nor woman, don't rush it. I have said over and over again to my husband, if this does not work out, then I am flying solo. When you have put so much of yourself into something, given it your all, and have exposed sides of yourself that no one else has seen, and then for it all to go down the drain, it does feel like you have wasted time of your life that you will never get back. Just take your time honey, and I don't blame you for that one bit.