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greeneyedbaby · Jun 27, 2008, 08:59 AM

So my boyfrned and I have just started to have sex. And there is a problem he finishes in the matter of minutes and can't get it back up for hours. Even when we just fooled around he came within a matter of minutes. I was told that it could be that he just hasn't had sex in a while and that the more that we do it the longer he will last, but even before we had sex and were just fooling around he still didn't last any longer. So is it true that the more we do it the longer he'll last? If not is there something I can do to make him last longer?

Synnen · Jun 27, 2008, 11:01 AM

How old are you both?

That actually does have bearing on the answers.

Choux · Jun 27, 2008, 01:22 PM

Young guys are veritable sex machines, ready to go and come in no time at all. That is very normal. If he can go for 2 minutes, that isn't that short a time for a youngster getting laid... and super sensitive.

My husband was a premature ejaculator, and if I remember correctly, he never went longer than 30-45 seconds the entire time we were married. I never considered complaining about it to him because I knew he didn't want to ejaculate so soon and was trying not too.

Anyway, I would suggest that you stop focusing on his penis and perhaps your genitals and intercourse, and both of you focus on all the other areas of the human body that are receptive to touch and stimulation... play and get hot and bothered. Only integrate the genitals when you are both wanting to come in about a minute or so.

There are helpful books to read that teach a person how to pleasure the opposite sex without focusing on the genitals too soon.

Enjoy! :)

Best wishes on a happy and healthy sensual life.

greeneyedbaby · Jun 27, 2008, 10:39 PM

I'm 20 and he's 25. And both of us are not each others first. And actually he's more experienced then me. So I'm pretty sure that its not that he's young and starting

scaredconfused2 · Jun 28, 2008, 12:57 AM

My boyfriend use to do it all the time but the trick is to do it for a minute stop for like 20 seconds and pretend you switching positions, then when he's ready to again stop him for ten and switch back or something. I don't know what you prefer but now I can get my boyfriend up to 25min without it

simoneaugie · Jun 28, 2008, 01:55 AM

Men can teach themselves to hold back. It's probably easier for some, but they can all learn to. There are books on the subject. Sex is very much a mental exercise. Can you talk to him about lasting longer without putting him down. Can he bring you to orgasm first, without using his penis?

If he does not allow you to climax first through oral or finger stimulation and/or isn't willing to learn to hold back, then he is being both lazy and selfish. So, he gets to choose how he wants to be and you get to choose if you want to live with it or not.

ISneezeFunny · Jun 28, 2008, 02:03 AM

I believe there's a book called "She comes first" and I've heard it does wonders for a lot of couples. I suggest you two start talking about it and work through it.

Even before you hit that, I got to ask, is he willing to fix it? Does he know that he's not satisfying you?

kp2171 · Jun 28, 2008, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I believe there's a book called "She comes first" and I've heard it does wonders for a lot of couples.

I've mentioned this book so much its almost obnoxious. Just wanted to state it won't address anything concerning his longevity. Its mostly about foreplay and sensitization with the female in mind, with a push on oral to completion or close to it. If he is really fast, it might not help his situation, but it's a simple, good read that a couple can share concerning sex might get the discussion rolling.

excon · Jun 28, 2008, 07:23 AM

Hello green:

This is a head issue, not a head issue, if you know what I mean. I actually mean TWO things: 1) he can learn in his head how to control his orgasm, and 2) he can satisfy you with his tongue even after his weenie gets limp. That's a head issue if he is interested in you.

excon

MOWERMAN2468 · Jun 29, 2008, 08:25 AM

What I don't get is the fact of her saying he can't get it back up for hours. What's up, (no pun intended), with that?

smoothy · Jun 30, 2008, 05:07 AM

Originally Posted by MOWERMAN2468

what i don't get is the fact of her saying he can't get it back up for hours. whats up, (no pun intended), with that?

I agree there, heck I'm 47 and I can get it back for round #2 in only maybe 20-30 minutes.

He can learn to hold back... it really is all about pacing yourself and learning to disctract your focus.

I tought myself at 18 long before the world wide web (actually before IBM PC's) and before there were any books on the topic. My record is 4 hours with fireworks only once.

I'll admit I never was a minute man but the principles still apply.

greeneyedbaby · Jul 2, 2008, 11:47 AM

Well first he doesn't admit that he's finished he tries to hide it. And then when I try to get things going again he either pulls away and says that its all good and he just wants to pleasure me, which he's not bad at but its better when we're actually having sex. Or he just says that its to sensitive and most times that's the end till the next time

smoothy · Jul 2, 2008, 12:22 PM

That's telling me he really doesn't give a damn...

Everyone has their limits and capabilities but if he don't even care to try then it really is all his fault. Most guys would care and try to make some changes because it really does lengthen his period of enjoyment.

Like the family vacation. Half the fun should be getting there. Not just getting there as fast as you can.

margarita_momma · Jul 2, 2008, 02:15 PM

I dated a guy that was a 2-3 minute man about 6 years ago. We found a trick that worked for us. The first round would always last 2-3 minutes max and then he would be super sensitive. This may sound weird but after he did his thing, he would go and pee and it would de-sensitize it enough for him to get it back up. Round two was usually amazing after that. Never know. Might work for you guys.