[thatdamgood]

Hey all I'm still quite new here and this is one of my first posts,I would really appircate some Help.

Ok well I split with my ex four months ago after being with her for a year and a half,we have a wonderful 8 month old daughter but in the end the stress of life etc just got untop of us we stopped communicating and we started fighting.

Anyway 3 months down the line I'm missing her like crazy but I'm so far holding up the no contact rule writing letters never posting them,Texts but never sent,you know the recommended stuff,But one of her friends recently told me she still loves me and would give it another go! Well I just crumbled and I sent her one of the letters,Sent her one of the texts and from there that's when it starts getting tricky .for a week and half we started textin,at first about our daughter and how much I love her and would do so many things differntly!She would text back saying she didn't want a relationship with me she was happier and I should Move on.

Anyway 4 days ago I was in the area and I thought I would drop by and put some money through the door for my little girl,anyway as I was driving away I got a text from her 'You can come in and see her if you want,make sure nothing happens though'.. this was a due to a sexuall harassment charge filed against me that was never taken further as was totally untrue lol...

Anyway we spent all day Tuesday together just talking about things and looking after our daughter,she told me SHE WANTED TO HATE me but the moment she saw me all her old feelings come rushing back and she is now confused and has really mixed feelings.Anyway we kissed hugged and yes on Tuesday.I went back round Wednesday and the same thing happened,we talked looked after our little girl and kissed hugged etc... Anyway I had to leave at 5 that day instead of the day before's 10.. reason for this was becauase her mum was coming round and well I and she didn't want me to be there when her mum turned up.So we said good bye and I left after her inviting me back round the following day.Anyway She did say on Tuesday she was really mixed espically since her family have told her if she ever got back with me then they would disown her.

Ok so Thursday come,I had heard no word from Wednesday night and I turned up Thursday at midday,just as I had got there however I received a text saying think its best you don't come rnd again till next week(she goes to her mums fri-mon),Ineed time to think and get my head sorted out you know I'm self confused atm and cnt think when your here,I also find you sometimes 2 pushy I know you probs don't mean 2 but I find that you are,U can text about Lilly(our daighter) but I need some time to think.

Anyway I was there and she let me stay,we talked she said I'm confused but I can't see us working and I'mnot sure if I want us 2,I would lose too much and you have already hurt me so bad.Anyway we got into a disagreement and I left simply to avoid any further accusations of my appreant bed hopping in the last four months... I wish lol... Anyway Today shehas text saying I need time to think,I will think it over the weekend and let you no Tuesday,then in the next saying she doesn't want to hear how sorry I am or how much I LOVE her as she doesn't see us working. I just don't no if I can trust you or if I even want to be in a relationship with you.etc

So I just want advice lol,Is this girl playing me or is she being controlled by her mum or she erm generally confused!. Any other observations you have will be well recivived

[BMI]

Hey Bud,

Sounds as if she is very confused. 3 months is not all that long post break-up,if contact is made than these situations almost inevitebly come round. You followed the advice until she contacted you or you heard she still had feelings for you, your both still confused.

I once had a similar situation, thought I had won her back and she gave me the "i need to think", never got her back though. Your girl has said she doesn't know if she wants to be with you already, you being available to her isn't helping the situation, although I hate to say I don't think she is coming back myself either way.

I doubt this is a good time for either of you to consider this, it's too soon and there are signs that she is very confused about it all. I maybe totally wrong of course so really go ahead with it so long as you know its what you want and prepared if you don't get it.

If it does not work out you will have learned avery good lesson on N/C and why it is stressed so much. If it is successful than you will be an N/C success story (depending on someone's definition of success of course). It's a very small group.

[lovedoctor]

thatdamgood, wow long story... well I don't think she's playing you but I think she's the type of girl that doesn't know what she wants right now meaning she's confused but I think some part is def from her family. She's trying to protect herself and one day she's like this and the other she's like that... honestly she's wishy washy. If you truly love her and want to be with you need to let her clear her head and let her know that you don't like these games and that she needs to tell you what she wants. If she doesn't know what she wants then you need to give her some space. That doesn't mean you can't see your daughter, you definitely can still see your daughter because your still the father, and your both parents of the child. All I'm hearing is her talk but never you, a relationship involves two people and not just one make sure she hears you too and she knows how you feel as well. So confront her but in a calm manner if you see things are getting out of control, think before you speak and make sure what your fighting about, couples usually don't even remember what they fight about. Honestly you guys could have a future together its up to you both so first thing is you have to confront her and ask her what she wants.

[talaniman]

Just because you don't understand where she is coming from, doesn't mean she is playing you. That's probably been an issue before, not communicating enough with each other to understand one another. She will be in your life though, and you still need to be civil to each other for the life you created. Forget any relationship, and at least be good parents, and strive to be a great DAD!

You both can be confused as you want to, about each other, but not about your daughter.