[CarolinaP81]

I have come to the realization that I am a temperamental time bomb. If the wrong look, or thing is said I can go from 0-100 in a second. I can flip out on people who I love the most and then I just leave the scene. I have done it to my boyfriend and he had enough so he called for some space/ time to think. I have done it to my younger brother.I feel anger towards my family at times because I feel like sometimes they exclude me from family events or they just think I won't show up. I have struggled to change my behavior throughout the years.

At times I feel like no one really loves me. Like if I am alone in this world. I have been talking to a counselor but I feel like I need to speak to my family. I just tried talking to my mom about it and she kind of brushed me off. I asked her why she does or says the things she says sometimes and she answered its who I am I tell the truth whether it hurts or not. I feel like I get nowhere with her. And, when I try to talk to my dad if he is mad he just walks out and says we'll talk later but later never comes. My boyfriend and I had an argument and told him that maybe he didn't know what he wanted so he got mad at me because he says this is the third time I tell him that and I flipped out on him told him I didn't want to be with him then I regretted saying it because I love him so much and I apologized and told him I loved him and wanted to be with him. I tried talking to my boyfriend and being completely honest with him I broke down and cried hysterically but then when I was done opening up to him he calls for space and time to think about our 3 yr relationship and where its going. I just feel so alone.

Its very ironic because I am an Applied Behavior Analysis therapist and my job is to modify behaviors through the use of reinforcer and therapy. I have gotten honorary certificates and my name is known through the Board of Education. Yet I feel so lost and confused within myself that I am a behavior analyst/ therapist yet can't take my own advice or change my own behavior. Should I leave my home and find a place of my own? Should I isolate from loved ones for a while and find myself? How do I find myself? Can someone please help me? Thank you in advance.

[IM4U]

Have you looked at the book, "Search for Significance?"

[CarolinaP81]

No I have not. I am currently reading a book on how to communicate--- 'Communication- What works and why'. I had planned on heading to Barnes and Nobles tomorrow in search for self help book. I will definitely look for the book you suggested. Thank you.

[J_9]

Many mental health professionals need a mental health professional of their own. Do you have a therapist? If not, I would suggest one.

[Choux]

I think your career is too stressful for you. What do you think? That has set you up for being unable to deal with other areas of your life in a rational way. Each individual grows up in an environment that preconditions that person to how they can deal with life's stressful areas... career, male relationships, family, friends, death and loss, and so on.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist because you need more than just what a therapist has to offer at this time. I don't think you should wait too long because you may be starting to spin out of control. Do not make any decisions right now; try to find a way to calm yourself until you can be seen.

Very best wishes to you. :)

Caveat: I'm not a psychiatrist; my family and I just have a lot of experience with mental illness along with all the different manifestations of illness... helpful drugs... and winning strategies.