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AKaeTrue · Mar 19, 2006, 08:40 PM

How does one come to terms with dying.
How does one get over the fear of the unknown and find peace?

samjg · Mar 20, 2006, 03:59 AM

What are you fearing? Is it death itself (a fear of you dying) or a fear of someone else dying? I don't think you can easily over come the fear of this! I did fear death at one stage, I really didn't know what helped me get through this, but now I do not fear it, at all! When it is your time, it is your time and you really can't stop it or do anything about it! You need to come to terms with that!.

fredg · Mar 20, 2006, 05:09 AM

Hi,
I assume from your question that you are referring to yourself. I am 64 yrs old, and really don't think about dying. I know it will happen eventually; all living things die.
If you could be specific with another post, it might help. Some know they only have a certain approx. time left; others don't know, like me.
Talking with others is one of the best ways to come to peace with it. The more you talk about it, the more you understand that it's not in your hands. Anything can happen to anyone at any time; accidents do happen. Think about other things, get busy with a job, hobbies, etc; take your mind off it, and think about positive things.

augustknight · Mar 20, 2006, 05:47 AM

Whatever death is I know this one universal truth. It is natural and necessary. The fear is the fear of the unknown. In some cases death is welcomed to alleviate unassuagable suffering. Nobody knows what lies beyond the conscienceness of being. Perhaps it is not at all bad. At least will will be in good company.

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 20, 2006, 08:40 AM

Augustknight says it best. Death is something you simply accept as part of life.

I personally believe that your soul never dies, it "moves on"... to whatever may be.

AKaeTrue · Mar 21, 2006, 01:11 AM

I guess I should have been more specific - I apologize.
Yes, it's me. I don't know if I'm in the right forum or not for this, but recently (and I have been under a lot of stress) the thought that I'm going to die has been scaring me into panics. I'll be watching my children play and they'll be doing cute stuff (singing and just doing precious baby stuff) then the thought that something is going to happen to me. I try to just think of something else, but it comes back over and over again until I start crying, panic and such.
I know everything and everyone goes at some point, but I don't want to be so afraid of it - not a good feeling.
Thanks for reading and any advise.
-Kae

augustknight · Mar 21, 2006, 05:13 AM

Are you experiening physical symptoms? The panic part sticks out in your post. You may be having panic episodes or attacks as they are called. This is caused by an over abundence of adreniline. Symtons can be: feeling of overwhelming dread, impending death, heart racing, sweating, feeling that your throat is closing in on itself, strong need to urinate, blurred vision and an overall vague sensation that something is wrong.
If this is the case this can easily be treated with proper medication. In any event what you are experiening is affecting your life. If it isn't physical than a visit to a quailifed psychotherapist or psychiatrist would be a prudent move. It is doubtful that this problem will take care of itself and getting help is not a weakness, it's smart.

fredg · Mar 21, 2006, 06:01 AM

Hi, Kae,
One thing that might help. Do you have a Will? If anything happens to you, do you have someone you would want to take care of your children? That always helps, just knowing they would be in good hands, if God Forbid, something did happen to you.
I agree with the answer before this one. Go to a Counselor, or even a Priest, Minister, Pastor, or someone you can talk with about this.
If that idea doesn't suit you, then you really need to talk with someone, face-to-face, to help you get over this. You can do it, just hang in there are talk with someone. Best wishes.

AKaeTrue · Mar 25, 2006, 01:28 AM

Hi
Thank you for the wonderful answerer.
I do have a mental illness that I take Lithium and a few others to control symptoms. I see a psychotherapist once a month a counselor every two weeks along with weekly groups, and a psychiatrist every 10 days (this is because he has to monitor the lithium so closely along with the blood tests that go along with it is all done at his office - I know that sounds like a lot, but I actually keep myself together pretty well.
This fear of death has just recently started - I'll definitely talk to the Dr. about it Mon. and the counselor on Wed.
I run a business out of my home and volunteer teaching art classes in the spring and summer at the community center (this is the first year the added classes has caused me stress). I will not break my commitment to these wonderful students. This stress has probably more than likely brought this on, but now that it's here, I have to find a way to cope with this death thing.
My children would be well taken care of, so I will discus this next week during my appts.
Thank you everyone
-Kae

bizygurl · Mar 25, 2006, 05:20 AM

Hi.. I agree with the above posts about the soul never dying. I too had an extreme fear of dying. BUt I absolutely believe that we all go to another state of enlightenment. Whether that be heaven or somewhere else. I don't look at death as an end to all things just a transition unto something better.. a continuation. I've read tons of books on the afterlife, near death expirences and in doing so my fear has been eleviated greatly. I mean know one wants.. to die, but if it were to come I think I would be ready and if it meant my life or my children's life, I would sacrifice mine for them in a heartbeat. The only thing that I think I fear still when it comes to death is the actual dying part of it all. I don't want to feel pain or suffering. Hopefully its peaceful.

AKaeTrue · Mar 29, 2006, 11:46 PM

Thank you everyone - no one (Dr. & Counselor) had any good advise for me.
(I believe I'll start reading books about the afterlife - thankx bizygurl)
And thanks to all who took the time to share a little here.

DJ 'H' · Mar 30, 2006, 02:53 AM

I have asked myself this question many times, and even though I still fear death, because heaven knows I am young and would not want to be parted from my loved ones etc - its all about accepting it. We have to accept that death is a part of life and hope that we live for as long as we can. That's why it is important to do as much as you can, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you as best and much you can and just appreciate everything rather than take it for granted.

No one likes death and fears the unknown, and even though we don't have a clear understanding as to why, we just have to accept it!

Krs · Apr 4, 2006, 04:26 AM

It is surely very difficult to accept that this life we live in is just a passage, but infortuntaley we have no control at all over this life. When its our turn we can't really change that. Ive experiences seeing a very close loved one getting terminally ill and as the days went by we knew he was slowly dying. Its all about acceptance, accepting that this is life. So until we are here in this passage make the most of what we can and show loved ones how much we really love them.

DJ 'H' · Apr 4, 2006, 04:42 AM

Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

I guess I should have been more specific - I apologize.
yes, it's me. I don't know if I'm in the right forum or not for this, but recently (and I have been under a lot of stress) the thought that I'm going to die has been scaring me into panics. I'll be watching my children play and they'll be doing cute stuff (singing and just doing precious baby stuff) then the thought that something is going to happen to me. I try to just think of something else, but it comes back over and over again until I start crying, panic and such.
I know everything and everyone goes at some point, but I don't want to be so afraid of it - not a good feeling.
Thanks for reading and any advise.
-Kae

What you are experiencing is panic attacks. I suffer with them and they are not nice and not easy to control. It's the power of the mind. You need to keep calm when you feel one coming on. The best thing to do is to get someone to talk to you about anything - engage you in conversation- you then forget about what's was happening and carry on like normal. I do this even when on my own, I just pick up the phone and call someone - it works a treat!

Panic attacks are bought on by stress and regulated by your nerves. If it gets out of control it leads to hyperventilation. Your breatheing sppeds up and then the balance of your Oxygen in take against the output of Carbon Dioxide become imbalanced and your brain is then filled with too much oxygen. You need to slow down your breathing and level both your oxygen & carbon dioxide out again. Breathing into a paper bag does this or cupping your hands around your mouth is also effective. Once you have panic attacks you are never free of them. You just have to learn to control them and when you feel them coming on you have to prevent them from getting any further.

Signs that they may be coming on include:
Pains in you neck or chest area or stomach
Pulpitations to the heart (where it skips a beat)
Feeling sick

Your mind will then start to make you believe you have something wrong with you, then you will feel anxious that something is going to happen to you, then panic because you fear you may dies and no one will find you. That when the breathing gets out of control and hyperventilation kicks in.

After a really bad Panic Attack you will be left feeling really weak and you legs may even feel like Jelly and you may even experience Pins and Needles around your mouth area, in you finger tips and toes.

I had them so bad when I was a teenage that I could not be on my own. I had 2months off college due to them - but I learnt to control them and when they show themselves these days I know exactly what to do and how to prevent them.

You just have to train your mind! And know you are in perfect health and there is nothing wrong with you.

AKaeTrue · Apr 5, 2006, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

If it gets out of control it leads to hyperventilation. Your breatheing sppeds up and then the balance of your Oxygen in take against the output of Carbon Dioxide become imbalanced and your brain is then filled with too much oxygen..

Thank you DJ'H'
I always feel like I can't breath in enough oxygen. I feel like I'm taking huge breaths - all my lungs will take - but not getting enough oxygen. Is this what happens during hyperventilation?
You gave valuable info.
I do try to redirect my attention, but I guess I have little power over my mind. Lately, I'll have a panic attack over any stressful situation - they're getting worse.
Thanks again,
Kae

RichardEve · Sep 20, 2009, 03:31 PM

I sympathise very deeply with your situation.
Death is funny like that, you always know that you are going to die, but no matter how much you try to process that fact, it can still come to you as a terrible shock.
I think for a lot of people it depends on what mood they are in and how much they worry about quality of life.
There is no quick answer to this, the deepest of human preoccupations, but consider this;
Every time you go to sleep, before you start to dream, you experience a total loss of consciousness, which is exactly what happens in death.
Ask yourself, how do you recall sleep? As a stressful experience? As an anxious experience? Of course you remember nothing, since you lost control of your faculties.
...
The fear of death is closely linked to the fear of a loss of control. If we can learn to be less anxious about control in our lives, then perhaps we may be closer to achieving a state of grace before our deaths.
My best wishes for you, and how brave of you to ask this very important question in a public forum!

dontknownuthin · Dec 4, 2009, 06:49 PM

I agree with the others that you should speak to your doctor about the anxiety - could be a side effect of your meds, or a symptom of your other mental illness issue.

I also agree that instead of indulging in worry that you consider what responsible people do to address these worries - worry is pretty useless unless it gets you to act in a productive way, such as making an appointment with an attorney to draft a will.

And there is a lot of wisdom to focusing in life on what we can control. Just like little kids who are doing negative things (like throwing the CDs off the shelves) distraction is a lot more effective than telling them not to do something, so we give them a hunk of clay, or get them to sing a song. You can do that with yourself, too - if you're thinking too much about negative things, perhaps you should go exercise, or play a game with the kids, or grab a cookbook and think of something new and different to make for dinner - distract yourself into thinking of something more positive.

Best wishes!

lindon007 · Jan 4, 2010, 11:08 AM

I Know for sure that death can be a great release if you are in pain, not only a release to you from the pain but also a release to your family and close ones from the worry and upset caused by watching somebody go through that pain. Its nothing to be afraid off but in the end its something you have to face head on and with courage and more often than not alone, but it won't last forever one last hurdle and its over so treasure the moment when it arrives be brave and relax.