[quiteconfused22]

I have been happily married to my husband for over 8 months now which I know is a very short time to be having problems like this. Recently I have been hanging out with a friend of mine from work and we both know that there is a physical attraction for each other. We haven't done anything as far as cheating goes. But I'm not sure how much longer we can restrain ourselves from each other. Although I am still a newly wed the sex between my husband and I isn't the best. He doesn't know foreplay and it's hard to achieve an orgasm with him. I have a feeling if I did have sex with the other man not only would he know how foreplay goes but I would be able to achieve an orgasm easily with him. I really don't want to hurt my husband. I love him so much but I'm beginning to fall for the other man. I really don't know what I should do. I have tried talking to my husband as well.:(

[Fr_Chuck]

You should stop "hanging" out with people from work and going home, esp men if you don't have the ability to not feel sexual with them.

As for as your husband, teach him what you like, he will not know if someone does not show him.

Either that or leave your husband, and let him find someone that is not out looking for men

[quiteconfused22]

I have tried teaching him.

[ylaira]

If u love ur husband u will communicate ur needs. Any relationship wont last if communication is not good. You can express it by chosing ur words properly and finding a correct time to talk about it. You dont need to compare and tell him what he's unable to do. If he do things right, let him know.You can also get him to read magazines, watch videos, surf to some sites. He married you, he loves you and he will be pleased to know what makes you feel good so all you have to know is how to communicate and motivate....and certainly is can't be resolved with another problem

[Dreamer]

I honestly have to agree with Fr_Chuck on this one.

You have to make a choice: Either you're going to stop hanging out with this guy and any other men that you're tempted to cheat with or leave your husband and pursue others.

As you probably know, marriage is work but it's so incredibly worth it if you put the effort into it. There's a saying that I love: "You get out of life what you put in to it." The same applies for relationships of all types. Either you put as much effort into really getting to know your husband as you are this new guy or get out and spare your husband the pain he's going to feel from having a wife that isn't really in love with him. I'm honestly not trying to offend you, so please understand that, but is it really fair to him to be with a woman who doesn't really want to make it work with him?

You say that you have tried teaching your husband what you like... in short: keep trying! Take a little more control of the sex yourself, slow him down, do whatever it takes to make him see what you need to feel satisfied. When he does something you love, tell him! Keep complimenting him on what he just did that made you feel so good & believe me, he'll continue. He needs that vote of confidence from you.

Really though, you need to stay away from any & all temptation if you're going to make this work in your marriage. You just need to stop and figure out what's really important to you. You don't have to actually reply but answer me this: Why did you marry your husband in the first place? What made you love him? What made you commit to love & cherish him, for better or for worse, 'til death do you part? Remember those vows and why you made the decision to take him as your husband. Stop focusing on this other man and remember your husband. The grass is NOT greener on the other side.

[excon]

Hello quite:

The Padre is right again. You made a mistake with your husband. Ok. Don't compound it by making him a cuckold. At LEAST let him has HIS respect. Leave him, and then screw your brains out.

excon

[Fr_Chuck]

And no you don't really love your husband or this would not even be a issue and the minute you starting having feelings, you would have know to cut it off.

Love means working out all of your problems, what if he had a wreck next week and could not have sex? Love means being there for him because you have emotional connections

[ylaira]

"Couples who have satisf yingsex life said that sex is only 10% of the totality of the relationship. For those who are not, sex becomes 90% of the problem."-read from one article

[quiteconfused22]

Thank you Dreamer for not offending me. As for Fr_Chuck, I DO love my husband and that is why I'm here. It's not to get insulting answers from complete strangers who don't know my entire life history. I wanted some prospective, after all I'm still a newly wed and I am STILL getting the hang of my marriage.

[friend4u178]

How would you feel if you found out your husband had feelings for another woman and was contemplating cheating on you with her?

[RedneckMama]

I don't think anyone is here to offend... just to dispense advice the best they can based on their own experiences, and the very short history they're given to work from...

I think from where you stand now, you have all the perspective you need to make a decision that no one else can make for you...

I noticed you wrote that you tried talking to your husband about the sex problems, and you've also tried teaching him... can I ask is he oblivious to the problems you're having? Or is he unwilling to work on it? Or is it he's clueless as to where to go from there?

Men tend to think logically, and bluntly... in order to influence your husband if he is willing to try and please you... tell him FLAT OUT, in NO uncertain terms... "I like it when you do this..I get off if you touch me here..." and let him know how often you'd like it, where you'd like it...

I'm going to hope here that you married this man for more than just sex... the first year of marriage for any new couple is the hardest what with all the adjusting to a new person living with you ALL the time... you have to remember though, that you took vows to love this man... not just when he can get you off... but everyday...

Leave the new friend right where he is now, at work... if you don't think you can restrain yourself around him, don't be around him anymore... Just think what would happen if you ended up having sex with Mr.GrassisGreener and he couldn't get you off either... what good is that going to do you? I wouldn't go borrowing trouble if I were you, you seem to have enough of a problem now... Give your husband some time to work out the kinks before you totally write him off...

[quiteconfused22]

Friend4u178, I have been asking myself that question a lot lately. Yes I can be a jealous person but you can't control your feelings.

[friend4u178]

Friend4u178, I have been asking myself that question a lot lately. Yes I can be a jealous person but you can't control your feelings.

I agree you can't control your feelings , BUT you can control your actions!!

Don't ever become a cheater , it'll stay with you for the rest of your life.

[Alty]

How old are you? It sounds like you are very young and immature.

If you didn't think that he was the one, then you shouldn't have married him. Marriage is a commitment, not something you do for the fun of it, or until something better comes along.

You don't love your husband, otherwise you would have stopped hanging out with this guy as soon as you felt an attraction. And yes, you can control how you feel, show some self restraint.

As for the answers you've been getting, what did you expect? Did your really think anyone was going to tell you to screw this other guy? Really? We don't do that here, so if you want confirmation, find it somewhere else.

So what should you do? Stop hanging out with the other guy, and get marriage counselling. If this is something you are unwilling to do because hubby can't get you to orgasm, then leave him or buy a vibrator.

Good luck.

[kp2171]

I'm going to pi$$ you off perhaps, but that's OK. You came here and we talk like old friends... no holds barred. If you want to be coddled and rocked... well, public forums are rarely the place concerning premeditated marital infidelity.

So sex isn't great with your husband. It happens. A lot. Find a good book about sex. Read it. Then share it with him. If he has half a clue and a care he will read it and try... especially if you mark pages. One I've recommended so much I should be getting royalties is She Comes First. Not a sex bible, but an easy read and good to get the dialogue going. Some other books on sex can be a little over the top to start with.

And seriously, not to take sides, but id be pretty ticked knowing my wife of less than a year is hanging with a guy she knows she's attracted to and in a position where she's not sure she can hold out much longer. Were he to write in here wed tell him to leave you before he wastes another month of his life married to a person who can't do the hard work it takes to make a marriage work.

Its bull$hit.

I'm glad you are here looking for help. Sometimes that help is tough love with no soft gloves. Were you my sister id tell you the same thing.

Either you are all in or not. Either you have self control or not.

You are going to be around men the rest of your life who will tempt you... who will intrigue you. My wife travels overseas often. There is a charming man in mexico who would bed her in a heartbeat. There are guys in seattle who will buy her champagne all night long hoping she will relent. There are men in her life who intrigue her, excite her... even men she might fantasize about.

But at some point you stop making excuses... that your husband is a lousy lover isn't justification to cheat. If you cannot be with him, leave him... then engage the other man.

Anything less is just false justification during one of the hardest periods of marriage. Call it the honeymoon period all you want... the first two years of marriage were harder than the other eight.

So... you have control over your body and your actions. You own it.

If you choose to continue to push emotional energy into this charged relationship outside of your marriage, you are to blame. Period.

Its fine to be friends with a member of the opposite sex that excites you or turns you on. I know of two women right now whom id chase like mad if I wasn't married. Instead, I turn that attraction into simple admiration. There will be women I see the rest of my life who will intrigue me and excite me. It's the human condition.

But please... you can hold out as long as you want to.

Your hubby might be a zero in the sack... deal with your marriage first. If all avenues are exhausted and there is no way to save it, get out. Before you bed Mr Miracle.

Its OK to be in the wrong marriage. It happens.

It is not OK to play the victim here. And "i dont know how much longer we can hold back" is making this something bigger than your ability to keep your panties on. Wrong.

So time to be all in or get out. There really isn't a whole lot of in between that lets you off the hook.

So, virtual sis... what's it going to be?

You can engage this other man outside you marriage knowing it will very likely ruin your marriage or you can face it yourself and own it yourself.

[starbuck8]

I also want to add... and I know this may Pi$$ you off also. But seriously, how dare you waste one more minute of your husbands life with this? I personally think that you are using his supposed inadequacies in the bedroom to justify your immoral behaviour!

Some marriage counseling would be in order, or if you feel the need to just go screw this guy, then get on with it, and let your husband be with someone worthy of his love! I find it quite curious that the only thing you have mentioned about your husband, is his lack of experience in the sex dept. Did you not know this before you said "I DO??" Did he all of a sudden become impotent the moment you said your vows... I'm sure you remember how they went... for better... for worse... in sickness... in health... till death do we part!!

I think you will just blow with the wind, wherever it may take you, and you never intended to be in this marriage for the long haul. Let your husband loose, and go with the guy at your job! You will be doing your husband a huge favour.

Yes, I was blunt, and straight to the point... but you have no right to take time from your husbands life, just to get a little. Karma is going to be there to bite you right in the A$$!!

[jimmymat87]

Why did u marry him in the first place... U knew what his foreplay was like, u knew what he was like in bed.. If this was such an issue then why would you of married him... Marriage is meant to be a life long commitment.. 8 months and u already starting to feel like u want to do the dodgy... How long did u know him/were u dating before you got married.. also how old are you how many serious relationships have u been in before this.

Jim

[hjpan]

I am definitely going to pi$$ you off so bad that you might as well cry.

First off, you're an immature, dumb, sex-addict female who has no feelings for what so ever. You're married to a man who is not good in bed. So what? I was inexperience with my girlfriend (now ex); both of us were virgins and none of us had sexual experience. How did I improve myself? We talked about it and discussed what we liked and what we didn't like. It worked out perfectly.. hit home-runs on a baseball field as guys would call it.

Secondly, hanging out with another guy WHEN MARRIED? Are you stupid or retarded? I am going to guess both. Having feelings for another person WHEN married is OK as long as you don't sneak over to his place and fuq like jackrabbits; just a queasy squirmy feeling and it's fine. I hung out with A LOT of girl-friends, but I promised myself that I WOULD NOT FALL FOR OTHER GIRLS WHEN I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP. What about you? Do you think you will feel all happy and joyful when your husband comes home and says "honey, I slept with your boss. Damn, her slit was pretty tight."

Third of all, are you even aware of yourself as a person WHO IS REALLY SHALLOW? From the moment when I read your part about how your husband suqs in bed, I realized you're nothing but another piece of society's trash who leeches off of their partner. Marriage works when sex, communication, and LOVE function together. There would not be any "oh... yeh... hey hubby.. I let my guy-friend finger me today" or "hubby, you suck at oral! get the fuq out!" It's called COMMON SENSE.

Basically, I'm saying you need to get your head out of your a$$ and start using your brain. Bad in bed does not mean bad in life or a failure. If you're just going for sex, get a divorce and go fuq your friend instead.

I pity the husband who has to deal with this.

I speak the truth. It's hard criticism, but don't be a wuss and rebutt what I said.
Accept it and fix yourself.

[ylaira]

Oh dear quite a lot of blunt responses here but they are right. Maybe you should start analyzing yourself. That poor husband of yours are clueless what your feeling... if he only knew, he should have read lottaaaa sex articles before marrying you. Is it the sex really or u'r attracted to other man thats why his "flair in bed" is becoming an issue?

[happy_jester]

Hello,"quiteconfused22"

The reason this is such a great site is because we all tell the
TRUTH

Well you posted your question here,to get advice,& now you have it.

As others have already said,work this problem out with your husband,& NOT your
Friend @ work.