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dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 05:46 PM

Why do men talk dirty towards a woman? For example, you may be doing something and he'll say suck my... or
I know you want to...

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 05:50 PM

I think that it gives men pleasure to think... or better yet fantasize that women will actually follow through with the lude comments that they make... self gratification I suppose.

dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 05:55 PM

So do you think he really wants me to do something??

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 05:57 PM

Okay first off... is he your boyfriend... an aquintance... do you know him at all... If I was in your situation, I suppose it would matter in what type of way he was saying it... none the less it would be disrespectful.

dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 06:02 PM

Truth is I have been seeing him for two years, but he is married. We have been intimate but things have changed in the last couple of months because his spouse started to suspect. I know this is all wrong but it is just complex.

I am going through a separation, but he is not. We still see each other every day and when we are together he makes these comments like he wants something but it is more difficult now because we are really terrible and sneaking around.

Before his wife knew we went out because we walked the dogs together but after time she started to suspect.

Help please

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 06:20 PM

My number one suggestion is... stop! How would you feel if it was you as the wife and your husband was sneaking around? I know that it is hard especially with feelings involved.. but think logically... will you two ever be together in an open relationship?? He might be saying these rude comments to you just to push you away... I don't know... Im not a shrink, but I think that in your heart you know the answer... good luck.

talaniman · Mar 18, 2006, 06:22 PM

1 cheater + 1 cheater= 2 losers!:cool: :eek:

dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 07:18 PM

I know you are right, but it's too hard to stop - sometimes I think how did this go so far
I don't know...

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 07:30 PM

I don't know what else to say.. only the two of you can call it quits... Hope that it all turns out well in the end.. which it probably won't because someone always gets hurt.

samjg · Mar 18, 2006, 07:40 PM

You shouldn't have been doing that in the first place, as someone said what if that was you? But what's been done has been done nothing can be taken back, well, I think he talks dirty because it is what he really fantasises about and this is what his wife is not giving him and because you're his 'on the side girl' he thinks your guna give him all the stuff he isn't getting. Do you want to be with this man? If a man will cheat for you, he will cheat on you! Goodluck though

dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 07:46 PM

Don't think I don't know in my heart what we are doing is wrong, but I do want to be with him and I know the reality is I probably will never have him,
If he loves his wife so much and I believe he does why doesn't he stop seeing me?

samjg · Mar 18, 2006, 07:51 PM

I know you know what your doing is wrong, your on here asking for advice aren't you.. well he is prob still seeing his wife because he does love her and he probably can't see the future of you two, but as I said your obviously giving him what his wife is not! So with the two of you together you are giving him everything he wants! And yes it is also obvious you love him but one question? If you got him... would you still want him? It is something to think about, as you may just think you love him because it is something you know you can't have or you know you have to be sneaky,. I'm not saying this is it I'm just asking?

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 07:55 PM

You know what? I have cheated before. I think that the reason that it is done is change... excitement... it is something new.. you get that butterfly in your stomach feeling... you don't leave the one that you are with, because it is comfortable... safe... you know that person... you may not be happy, but it is better then having to start all over with someone else.. I don't know... cheating is wrong... I learned that...

samjg · Mar 18, 2006, 08:00 PM

Correct! Everything you said then is true! I have also cheated before same thing but I knew it was wrong and broke it off with the both of them... I broke up wit my man at the time as I cheated on him and I broke it off with the other guy because I realised he let me cheat, and was fine with it. And if I had wanted to be with him, I wouldn't have been happy with him for that reason! You need to think, is he worth keeping? Mayb you feel he is but will he ever leave his wife for you??

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 08:02 PM

I actually did leave my boyfriend and stayed with the guy that I cheated with... I got pregnant... and left him because guess what?? He wasn't who I thought that he was... I am now in a happy relationship have been for 5 years... cheating is wrong, and you will never be happy doing it, and you will only think bad of yourself for letting it be done to you... because he is cheating on you also... not only his wife...

dutchess · Mar 18, 2006, 08:03 PM

I believe I really want him. What you don't understand is the crazy relationship we had before his wife clamped down, if you will. He would pick me up and we would take the dogs out or in the afternoons if I was off or he was off from work we went out different places. We got too comfortable, I think, thinking we were a couple - people saw us together a lot - same routine every day yes I don't think we gave a crap (that was what started it people were going back telling his wife how comfy it looked)... then he got sick and it was after his surgery that she told him to stop going with me to walk the dogs. But, he is another one did he stop no... the fact is I would be with him if I could so where does this all leave me.

Thanks for your help so far.

tinacasler · Mar 18, 2006, 08:09 PM

I am sorry to tell you this... but apparently he doesn't want to be with you if he hasn't left his wife after this long... sorry.

samjg · Mar 18, 2006, 08:11 PM

Yes I know how you feel by getting to comfy and close to him! But doesn't it bother you that, he is not only doing what he does with you... with his wife?. and he goes home to her at the end of the day? Does this bother you at all? If so you need to talk to him and tell him that your sick of being the woman on the side for him, and you really need to send out that message to him that you are more than that! If he doesn't agree by leaving his wife then I think it is time you leave... what do you think?

dutchess · Mar 19, 2006, 09:27 AM

You are right. I know he has the best of both worlds.

simpleguy · Mar 19, 2006, 12:08 PM

I agree, stop or seek help. I think your behaviour is self destructive. As you are involved with an abusive man and you gain none of the real joys of your partners full attention. Also maybe his psychology in his constant lewd comments is to make you the whore. So when you finally do have sex again he is guilt free.