[bigdaddy0]

Hey guys this is actually my first post on this website, but I was looking through a lot of the questions and answers, and it seems like there's a lot of guys on here who know exactly what they are talking about. With that said, I'm having a little dilemma with my girlfriend...

I just finished my freshmen year of college, and during the year I was lucky enough to meet a great girl. She's nice, beautiful, and basically has all the attributes that any guy would love to have. We have been dating for seven months now, and because she is so cool, we have never really had any problems relationship wise: no fights, no jealousy, no issues with trust, etc. But anyway, we have been dating for 7 months now (which I know is nothing compared to the big picture) and I feel that we might be hitting a little speed bump. She lives 3 hours away from me, and we make every attempt to see each other, mostly on the weekends. We talk every night, but lately in our conversations, I feel like I am the one who is always initiating conversation. If I don't, it seems like we're just sitting there listening to dead silence. She is a shy girl, and I think she might have a lack of confidence initiating things.

First of all, does anyone know why this is happening? It's kind of frustrating just talking every night and getting the dead silence. Sure we do have good conversations sometimes, but it is most likely that I am the one who is initiating it. Is there any way I can approach her about it? Is it a good thing that I'm talking on the phone with her every night? These are some of the questions that are popping up in my head with this. I know we're definitely going to make it through this, and this might not even be that big of a deal in the big picture, but there is a possibility that I might be going away next summer, and I want our conversations to be good, just like they used to be. I'm not sure if anyone has ever had this problem, but it's bugging me, so if anybody can give me any advice with this issue, I will certainly take it in and consider it. Thanks a lot guys

[Distantlove]

Hey, I don't think there's much of a problem here on her part. Me and my boyfriend are away from each other because he's off at uni etc, and we used to talk on the phone all the time, until it seemed like we had no conversation left and all we were doing was listening to silence/humming to ourselves. Why not reduce how much time you two speak to each other on the phone, instead of calling every night, call every few days.. you'll find that you have way more to talk about with each other because you'll have stuff to catch up on. In the end, you can't really force her to talk when there's nothing to talk about ! So just reduce the amount of time you speak with each other, because in my experience, I think speaking every night might be a bit too much, especially if you run out of conversation.

[JBeaucaire]

It's hard to date a telephone. It REALLY hard to do it for months and months and months. Liking each other is one thing, beating this thing to death long-distance is a HARD, HARD habit.

You're dating. Do you date anyone else? Life is interactive. Email and texts and phone calls are OK, but you two are young. Don't you actually want an interactive relationship?

It takes a lot to make a growing relationship. You two at best are coasting along, you know it. Spread out. Keep calling her and seeing her if you want, but don't end your local life over this. Too much life to live to be stuck on the phone.

[bigdaddy0]

Thanks for the replies guys. They really do help a lot. To JBeaucare though I want to clear things up. I do go to college with this girl, and I may be misunderstanding you, but what are you suggesting that I do? Are you saying that I should cut off all ties with this girl and live my life? Or are you saying that I should just cut back on the phone calls? You're answer was helpful, I just want to clarify some things.

Distantlove, thanks for the answer. The more that I think about it the more logical that option seems to me.

[JBeaucaire]

For the next 3 months you two aren't in that close dating environment, right? I'm just saying that avoid unnecessary rules or restrictions on each other while you're apart. Enjoy your respective summers. See each other if possible, talk some, but forcing multiple or even daily phone calls just to listen to dead air... what's that even about?

When I have something to say, I call the person or go to see them. If not, I don't. I'm MARRIED and when I'm away on business trips there are occasions where we don't call each other for several days... we're busy and tired and not the least bit insecure in our relationship.

So, have more fun, stay off the phone unless it's actually needed. Hang up when done. If you two aren't officially exclusive, also enjoy your time apart to possibly date some. What you experience with other girls could actually enhance your relationship when you two get back together in the fall at school.

If I'm off base on any of this, forgive me. I'm looking for peace in your life and sometimes I miss the target.

[talaniman]

Distance and time put a strain on the best couples, no doubt. You miss the personal interactions that bonds couples together. All the little things that cause those speed bumps get magnified. Not an easy road. Knowing what to expect, and being on the same page is what's needed. Not to scare you, but many committed couple have a problem with long distance relationships.

In your case, having set time to talk may help, and give you space, for yourself, and something to look forward to. If you can stick to it.

[teastalk]

I want to know what happened to this person.