[Distantlove]

Another thing, I just found out this morning. Ages I've been on my boyfriends Facebook on my phone to edit stuff for him (he knew about this) and gave me his password. He's changed it now though and I don't know it which is fine because he wants his privacy. However, now, I couldn't get on my own Facebook on my computer because my internet was down, so I used my phone to go on mine, and when I typed in the site, it took me to HIS account which I didn't expect. Its because ages when I was on his account on my phone I didn't log out and somehow its still logged in on my phone. But anyway, as soon as it logged me in automatically to his account I saw a poke from another girl, and it was the same girl ages ago (8 months ago) he was messaging privately on myspace because he found her interesting etc. (shes from indonesia and we live in england tho). But anyway, this was an issue before because I got upset that he never told me about her and tried to hide it and he promised he wouldn't do it again because he knows it would upset me a lot. He did promise me and it was serious. And now he's started talking to her again.. the thing I'm upset about is he promised me before because it hurt me a lot (and he knew this), and now he's done it again and not told me. So I rang him and asked why he's done it again when he promised before that he wouldn't, I also said he just couldve just been more open about it because it was an issue in the past, but he said I wouldntve understood because I would think he just fancies her when he doesn't. But I wasn't mad at him I was just talking to him politely, he apologised and said he would be more open about it. I asked why he likes talking to her and he said she's interesting. It makes me kind of upset because he can make the effort for her and message this girl 2 times a week (long messages), yet I get nothing. It just makes me feel as if he's isn't interested in me anymore at all. He said they talk about general stuff like football and uni etc. but I can't be entirely sure. I also asked how long he has started talking to her again for, and he said something like a couple of weeks, but again, I can't be entirely sure. She's also got him as her number 1 on her top friends on myspace. I don't know how I should feel about all of this? What do you think? Do I have a reason to be upset? Or is it just silly? I feel betrayed. I just need someone to tell me. Also the fact that he knew it upset me so much before, yet he's managed to do it again knowing that it would upset me.. thanks.

[N0help4u]

It is very likely that he could just find her interesting and be talking normal everyday things with her. Be realistic she lives how many miles away in another continent.
I use to talk to some guys on the I-M's and we talked about life, kids and things in general.
Until you have tangible reason to not trust him build on your relationship
Accusing only tears it down. If you feel he isn't giving you enough attention maybe he isn't into you as much as he should be but you need to concentrate on your relationship issues rather than the girl in Indonesia.

[Distantlove]

Okay, thank you for your advice, its opened my eyes. I appreciate it, your right, she does live in indonesia, she seems to talk to anyone on myspace who doesn't live in her country because she's interested in it. I just felt upset because he didn't tell me when he knew it upset me before. But I should focus on the other things in our relationship other than that. I just needed someone to tell me how I should feel so thank you :)

[talaniman]

I think when the actions of others influences your thinking to the degree it makes you insecure, or obsessed, you have an issue to deal with personally. LDR's do bring those feeling out, and magnify the smallest things into giant conflicts.

[Romefalls19]

It is a social networking site, making friends on the website is kind of the reason you join it. If my girlfriend got jealous over every friend I made on myspace, well she wouldn't be my girlfriend anymore. I could see a possible conflict if he was sending messages that talked about meeting her and posts of the sexual nature but if it's just friendly, that should be fine. She lives a fairly great distance away so just let it go unless it goes above friendly

[emopunk7]

I don't know about everyone else but if you two had an issue about this before and he still did it behind your back, I see a major red flag...
1) He broke a promise!!
2) Does it matter how close or far this girl is?. It may not be something physical but it is emotional and both can hurt equally.

Surely this isn't something to go crazy about, but I think you should at least take some time to think what kind of man you are with and if you want to be betrayed like that again... He already lied n did something behind your back which you would have never known had you not been logged in unintentionally. He lied and broke a promise and hid something from you... Something you both spoke about. I think that is a no no. You both really need to have a talk... and fast! Maybe go out on a picnic and have a very calm discussion... see where it goes. Good luck!

[N0help4u]

People do make mistakes so she needs to determine if he will learn that it is better to be honest or if he will continue to feel the need to hide what he thinks she will get upset about.
Until she has concrete reasons or a few undeniable red flags that it is a pattern with him I would give him the benefit of the doubt and work on where their relationship is going.
If he is spending more time and effort on talking with other girls that I think is more the issue. It seems to be a guys nature to hide things that the girlfriend has a problem with. Hopefully,
They have talked and worked out an agreement and understanding.

[kp2171]

He can have other friends, even those he will be attracted to. He made a promise he didn't keep... a reason to be upset.

But forget about that... lets talk about this AND all the other posts youve made about this relationship...

For reference:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ms-183914.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-197943.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...im-203192.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-207478.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...go-226994.html

You complain that he doesn't listen to you and he isn't touchy feely... you are jealous about his having friends at university, especially friends who are girls... THEN you got bored of spending all the time with him on break... and now this.

You feel insecure about his having other friends exclusive to school... understandable, but that's YOUR problem, not his. My wife takes a part of almost every weekend to visit with one of several friends without me present. A social network is a great thing. I'm wondering if you have much of a social network? That's not a slam... it's a question.

Some of the best friendships I made were in college both guy friends and girls who were nothing more than great friends... and he should feel NO guilt about having these friends and even having exclusive times he spends with them and without you. Period.

As for his being friends with women, even women he could be attracted to... again... its life. You don't think I'm not attracted to other women now that I'm married? That my wife doesn't enjoy an occasional flirtation with a man? Your boyfriend is going to find women around him the rest of his life that will interest him. Its life. Some people have no control and cheat. Some people accept that there are a lot of interesting people out in the world and just because I find someone interesting doesn't mean I'm going to try to get them in the sack.

My opinion is this relationship might be an important one for you... maybe a first big love... maybe not the first... but you two are just in two completely different places.

Were he to write in saying "my gf doesnt like that i have friends i want to spend time with, doesnt like that im friends with girls, and then got bored when we spent time together"... id tell him its probably time to leave. Doesn't seem like a good fit.

You are going to have to come to terms with issues about trust. And perhaps expand your social network as well.

[Chery]

When I was still with my ex, I noticed that he'd sit somewhere behind me watching TV while I was on the internet. I only belong to this forum, and I have made a lot of friends here, and have done my best to help those who need advice here also. He would get up and get one cup of coffee after the other, looking over my shoulder, coughing loud, and just be stupid. I still continued to communicate with my friends and later, when I logged off, I would spend time with him.

What counts is the time that we spent together - it was quality time if he didn't act stupid, and NOT quality time when he complained about my 'internet friends'.

We all have a right to communicate with anyone we wish and also have the right to our 'space'. It's important to have a life of our own and it's even better when we can share common friends and interests, and not have to have the stress of a partner objecting to communicating with others.

When in a relationship we cannot and should not expect the rest of the world to be excluded... that's not reality and is based on our own insecurities. You need to find a stress-buster for yourself so that the time you spend with him is filled with more fun and not bickering.

Good luck, dear.

[Distantlove]

I agree with you all, I haven't complained about the internet thing to him, I've just agreed about it then came on here to ask if I should feel OK about it and that's fine. And yer kp, I used to get jealous a lot but I've overcome that pretty much now, I like him spending time with his friends and talking to girls is fine because I've realised that I talk to my guy mates and there's nothing wrong with it. All those posts are in the past now and there not an issue now, the only thing that really upsets me atm is the feeling that he makes a lot of effort for everyone but me. He doesn't call anymore, he doesn't email. When were together its fine, just the contacting when were apart is a problem. I've found that recently I've had to text him first all the time and yday he didn't text me at all so when I went to bed I said goodnight etc and I just asked how comes he didn't text yday (especially as I had an exam and I thought he'de like to know how I found it, although he did say goodluck beforehand), and he just said "i just didnt :S how comes u didnt text.." and I just said "iv been textin the past week :) i just thought maybe you could text me instead?" and he was just like "oh sorry" but its hurts because I know he proberly won't text me. It just hurts feeling like he's not interested because I know I'm completely interested in him, I ask him how his interviews go, how his day has been, wt he's been doing etc. I just don't know what to do really :( ? Because I do have friends, I go out with them a lot, but when I'm with them and he hasn't texted I just wonder why. I don't know whether to ignore it. It also hurts feeling like when I asked him to contact or whatever, he won't, so I feel like there's no point in even telling him. I cry everyday about him because I feel like he's not even there for me anymore. I don't know what I should do? Do I really just ignore it?

[talaniman]

Don't mean to sound to harsh, but most guys are like that. Some of us hate texting or calling, especially from work. He may change later in life, but for now this may be one of those things to live with, and not make a big deal out of it. Especially if he has been this way from the beginning.

He may not be one of those romantic fellows that makes extra efforts when he is away to show his love to you, so make sure this is not an insecurity issue on your part, or examine if your one of those people that need constant reassurance all the time.

[Distantlove]

Yer maybe its insecurity. Maybe its me because I feel like I should hear from him sometimes when were not together, I should think about that. The thing is, he used to do it until a few months ago he stopped.. he used to make so much effort to talk to me and I thought he was really interested but now he doesn't anymore. Or maybe that's how he really is? True colours etc.. I'm not sure..

[talaniman]

Relationships grow, and change, and the need to be flexible, honest and make adjustments, after the honeymoon fades, is always tough to deal with.

I thought he was really interested but now he doesn't anymore. Or maybe that's how he really is? True colours etc.. I'm not sure..

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and I love him, he's great. He treats me how any good boyfriend would, he likes to take me out and he's very affectionate towards me and shows that he loves me. All my friends and family can see he's a nice guy.

Your still in the learning, building phase.

[Distantlove]

Okay thanks for your advice, much appreciated. I guess I just need to try and deal with it and the changes. Its hard !