[hjpan]

Don't live in the past. What happened is over now, you need to look to the future. If you think it was a serious problem that you had, then learn from that and ensure that you don't make the same mistake again.

However, you must be honest with yourself as to whether or not it was as sreious a problem and your mind is making it into.

Yep.... my sister and I talked about MY future plans..

Career, job, money-income etc.

Well.. she recommended vocational school and I am considering going =D

but it's just so hard...

[hjpan]

I am going to LA this week to visit my mother and some shamans =]

No, I am not in a cult; its more of a Buddhist fortune teller.. similar to a Christian priest giving advise status

Yeh....

[jiltedgirl]

Well, I guess it's my turn to feel the loneliness tonight. Lol! I admit that I've been thinking about my ex after he's been so responsive. It's true that I still have feelings for him, even though he's selfish and an a$$hole (of which I have informed him :)). I guess I fluctuate on any given day. (Those damn emotions... )

Funny thing, I met up with a friend who had been abroad this weekend and it turns out she was flatmates a few years ago with his ex-gf, who apparently worshipped him, even though he treated her with little respect. Now I know why he thought I was always so "cold" to him because I told him constantly to keep his arrogant self in line and that he wasn't at the center of the universe.

I have to say... I'm just glad that I'll never have to be that girl.

What are you guys up to?

[DazT]

I'm finding it really hard to grasp that my ex has a new boyfriend! Her new boyfriend is a lot younger than me, he's wayyy different looking from me (I have short hair, he has long), he has completely different tastes and styles from me.. I guess that's the type of boy she goes for now.

She told me she didn't want a steady relationship when we were breaking up, now 3 months later she has a new boyfriend? I don't get it.

I got told the other day that they were going out for a while then she dumped him, and I was telling you lot about my ex texting me a while ago.. that was the time she dumped him! As soon as they broke up, she started texting me, and me, like a fool, replied to her messages. Now apparently she has took him back.

Little girls, sigh.

[jammyb]

Welcome to the club Daz. Its easy come, easy go for them usually. I was even fed the steady relationship BS as well. It cusions the blow, and then triples it when you're not in contact with them anymore. Cowardly is the only way to describe it. Personally, I went out and found a new and improved model. That p**sed her right off. Knocks them down a peg or two as well. Not that I'm bitter or anything haha.

[jpm247]

Fair play jammy.

Stay strong Daz, sounds like your better of without her to be honest.

[DazT]

Yeah mate, but we broke up mutually.. nobody dumped anybody, we both agreed to the break up. She texted me 3 or 4 times since we broke up, I never texted her back once until the last time she text me (which was the worst time I could have possibly chose to text back! ).

But yeah I am better off without her. She had my emotions in a rollercoaster most of the time because of her constant mood swings. Just when I look back on the good memories, it hurts me to think that this new fella will be having them with her. But then I think at the way she treated me and the way she's going to treat this other guy..

If she said to me "I'll dump my new boyfriend and take you back", I'd tell her to f### off! Just the comfort of the thought that now I can't have her back even if I wanted her back.

[bigbird213]

I know its tough to think about these things, but try to put it into this perspective:

Your trust was betrayed, your faith in them destroyed and your overall vision of them tarnished since they broke up with you, or you broke up mututally. If they were to come crawling back, would you be able to give them a second chance? Wouldn't your mind be racing constantly, wondering when it is going to happen again? Walking on eggshells to make sure you don't slip up?

If that's the case, then recognize that you couldn't take them back even if they came crawling back. Therefore, your wish for them to ask for you back, or tell you they made a mistake is merely an ego booster, nothing more.

So perhaps it doesn't really matter at all in the long run if they come crawling back or not, because the result is the same - your not together. In time, the pain of thinking/knowing they are with someone else will dwindle and your emotions will return to normal. This is yet another reason why keeping as far from your ex as possible is a good thing. Don't we all wish that we don't hear anyhting about our ex's until we are well enough to hear anything??

[jiltedgirl]

I'm sorry, daz. :T I know it's really hard and hurts like hell. In the end, you need to drive into my head that it doesn't matter. NOTHING will change or bring you guys back together. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on.

Like bigbird said, just concentrate on all the times they took you for granted and made you doubt not only them, but yourself. Also, maintain the NC! (hhmm... I admit I feel a bit hypocritical saying this... but at least I know it's the right choice. I just need to stay the course. SIGH)

[spion_kop]

So yesterday would have been my three years with the ex. But it's safe to say that my day passed by pretty quickly because I kept myself busy. I was out since 10 in the morning with my friends and didn't come home till about 3 in the morning. I didn't think about her for the longest time yesterday and I see that as a great accomplishment.

I know for a fact that she was thinking about me/us yesterday and it, may or may not, have hit her hard.

Now that all the obstacles are behind me (her birthday, the three years that would have been), I think I can finally put her behind me and start focusing on the future.

[jiltedgirl]

Congrats, spion!! And things will only get easier! :)

I am going to reinstate NC again. Lol. Day 1... again.

[spion_kop]

Thanks jiltedgirl, I haven't kept track of the days that I have been NC, but I think it's about two months or so. Keep going at it and eventually you'll be in control of your emotions and most importantly, your life.

[classicrocker]

Good going spion_kop

[f104]

Well I am sucking at NC. I e-mailed her today and tried to call her. It all just sucks. I wish she would tell me to simply F-OFF. I asked to see her next week. If she says NO then hopefully I will have the guts to tell her then we can no longer communicate in any form whatsoever for now.

The thing that stinks is that she never treated me badly. She was always great to me. I wish she had cheated on me or been horrible to me, but she never did, not even once.

[jiltedgirl]

Awww f104. I seriously think that for some people, they need to be ready to do NC and thus, move on. It's hard to do graciously. (example: me!) Only after losing a lot of dignity and self-esteem did I realize that I needed to move on with my life and not contact the person ever again. The point of NC is to circumvent that debilitating state. So don't be so hard on yourself. No one said it's going to be easy. We're only human.

But, I want you to recall that people have a tendency to focus on the good rather than the bad after breaking up and end up idealizing their exes. Keep in mind that she wasn't that great, otherwise, she wouldn't have broken up.

I am somewhat in the same boat. I responded to my ex and ended up fighting with him AGAIN not even on the phone, but online. It's seriously a clash of wills between us. He has a tremendous ego and is stubborn to a fault. At the same time, I wouldn't want him to change. He's quite an ambitious guy and has gotten far because of it, although I always did enjoy bringing him back down to earth when I thought he was out of line. Even though encouraging communication between us was stupid and it made me take a giant leap backwards (I felt quite sh-tty today), I'm glad I made the mistake because it only reiterates our incompatibility. We both deserve to be with the type of people we want.

Perhaps try this? I noticed this helps when I'm going through break ups. I pretend my best friend, brother, or sister is going through all of this instead of me and I try to imagine what I would advise to that friend (example: Don't take his/her crap anymore. They make you miserable. Etc etc.) It helps me in trying to look at it more objectively.

I wish I could be more help. :T I'm here if you just need to rant!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Hey F104,

Its hard my friend, I know exactly where you are coming from. My ex treated me pretty bad and I still kept in contact with her. It finally took me learning that she slept with someone a month after we broke up to go hardcore NC. For some people (you and I) going NC is very hard, something will happen though that will make you want to do it though. I am not saying it will have to be as intense as what I heard, but something will turn a switch on in you that tells you that "yea, I am over this and sick of wasting my emotions on it". In the meantime though just try to do it on your own. You know as well as any of us that its not helping you in the long run.

Keep on keeping on my friend

[hjpan]

Right now, it's been 1 month & 1 week of getting dumped; no idea on how long of NC.

Anyways, I have been talking with my sister for a bit as well as my mom and "priests/priestesses & shamans." From my sisters' view, we discussed my grades and future career in the psychology field. Well, I need to be more independent and she suggested vocational school. I thought for a bit (2 nights) to myself... memories of my ex, the good times we had, my "future" and career etc..

I decided to go for vocational school and university. My sister told me all the benefits which included 5 figure salary/year, hands-on experience, higher chance of med school, and so on.

I don't know what my ex wants cause she calls me certain times and we talk for a little bit... But, I am DEFINITELY NOT telling her my plan.. To me, she's hurt me before and I want to be successful in my life... xD

I sound like an @55, but I just want to keep my life closed.

[classicrocker]

f104, believe me when I say I know its hard to stick to no contact, I texted her today for a stupid reason, not even sure why the hell I did it. But oh well I couldn't care less any more. I miss her, but I hate the new her. The way she acts without me "sluty". But soon you'll be sticking to it a lot better. Everything becomes easyer and less painfull each day that goes on.

[spion_kop]

I had a strange dream last night. My ex was in the dream with her current boyfriend but then he vanishes and it's just her and me. She is carrying a school bag. I wanted to get up because anything that has to do with her, to me it's a nightmare. But I couldn't wake up.

When I got up, I played soccer for 2 hours and on the way home, it hit me. The backpack she was carrying represented baggage, emotional baggage. It showed me whether I wanted a girl with emo baggage and whether I would deal with it.

It was one strange dream. Lucky for me I'm a psych major lol.

[hjpan]

I had a strange dream last night. My ex was in the dream with her current bf but then he vanishes and it's just her and me. She is carrying a school bag. I wanted to get up because anything that has to do with her, to me it's a nightmare. But i couldnt wake up.

When i got up, i played soccer for 2 hours and on the way home, it hit me. The backpack she was carrying represented baggage, emotional baggage. It showed me whether or not i wanted a girl with emo baggage and whether or not i would deal with it.

It was one strange dream. Lucky for me I'm a psych major lol.

Well, dreams are dreams... can't really hurt you, right? LoL

Anyway, I want to get back with my ex but I don't want to be fuqed with~