[gwc1980]

I proposed to my girlfriend of seven years last year and she accepted. It came after we had split up for a couple of months and she wasn't sure if we were right together but after separating for two months she realised that she did want to be with me and we got back together..

Over the past couple of months I have begun to feel her distancing herself from me. I put it down to her work load, as she is a teacher in a High School, and she is having to find a permanent role now. We have planned our wedding and booked the venue, photographer most of the wedding is organised. We moved in together last August and settled into living together really well before we lived together as she stayed around 4 nights a week with me anyway so it wasn't really that great a change.

I had begun to feel things were not right as she was always texting on her mobile phone literally for hours on end non stop. She became very secretive with her mobile phone where as she had never done it before, now she would take her phone everywhere with her even to the bathroom. I had said to her that it did annoy me but it made no difference she continued as normal. She would go out with her friends and she would stay at her girlfriends house as we live quite far away from them, I had no issue with this as I trusted her 110% and had no reason to ever doubt her. I begun to feel that something wasn't right and I began to look for any clues that might confirm my suspicions.

Last week I found 5 different home pregnancy tests, two of which showed positive and one was negative, in her bag and I knew it couldn't be to do with me as we haven't slept together for four months. I also found a leaflet about abortions and a document that came from a Hospital that deals with abortion.

I quickly confronted her about my find she confessed she had a one night stand with a guy she met in a club at the end of February. She also said that they used protection but her period was late and she panicked. She said she took the tests but she was never pregnant and that she got the abortion leaflet from the hospital from her friend NOT from the hospital. She said because the test had been in her bag for a few months and that's why it showed positive but she was adamant that she was never at anytime pregnant, Im not sure if that happens with pregnancy tests? I asked her why then she took 5 different tests and quickly got information on abortions she claims because she panicked. I also asked if it was more than a one night stand but she denies this.

She then went on to say she is not sure if she is happy to go ahead with the wedding. She claims she slept with someone else to detached herself from the situation. She feels that although she sees me as her best friend she thinks that's all we will ever be and nothing more. She has asked me not to tell anyone about the one night stand as her family would disapprove of the situation. When I ask how she sees the future she says she sees three different ones, one with me, one on her own and one with someone else that she possibly connects with more. I have said to her that "cold feet" are perfectly normal in the lead up to a wedding and she is going to speak to her mum about it to see if these feelings are normal. She said she will not tell her mum about the one night stand as she doesn't want anyone to think bad of her, she hasn't even told her best friends about it! No-one knows anything about our current situation as we don't want anyone to know until we know what is happening, this was at her request.

I have already said that I forgive her for the infidelity as I am not willing to throw sevens years and the life we have together away over a one night stand but she says that is NOT the main issue for her the issue is wither she wants to be with me or not.

I am so confused as I know there is nothing I can do and I have to let her decide. She isn't sure if it is panic over the wedding as she has not ended it yet she says it's a risk if we stay together cause she might end up feeling like this again and it is a risk if we split up because I have told her if we do I won't take her back like last time.

The longer this goes on he worse it is getting for me. I can't sleep at night, my appetite has gone and I just feel as if someone has ripped my heart out and crushed it.

I love my fiancé so much and I was so happy and excited to be spending my life with her but now I don't know what to do or think. I know I can move on from the one night stand and I do trust her as I know she would never do it again but I just wish there was something I could do to fight for our relationship because I am just hurting so much now.

[f104]

Glad you are here with us. I feel for you mate, I really do.

[brian1231]

Id give her some space. Don't push.


I feel bad for you, I as in your similar situation. Not knowing is the worst. This won't help much now, but realize it's better your're going through this now than after you were married. Trust me on that one.

[cant breathe]

You must be in a horrible place emotionally right now and I hope you are doing OK but I think you need to really take a close look at this. There are obviously trust issues in that you felt you had to go looking for clues of her infidelity and I'm sorry to say that all the signs are there that she is/has been seeing someone else. It must be devastating for you but do you really want a future with her if you won't be able to trust her. Maybe she left the pregnancy tests in her bag so you would find them and that was her way of telling you things are not right. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to discuss this matter with anyone... that's because she knows what she did/is doing is very wrong. You obviously have a lot of soul searching to do and it's so hard because you love her but take a step back and be completely honest with yourself. We all put up with situations we shouldn't beacause we are so in love with that person but if she is unfaithful, only sees you as afriend etc etc then it's not pre wedding nerves. You deserved to be loved back as much as you love the other person. Hope it works out for you.

[talaniman]

Just a suggestion, but give her all the space she needs to think of what she wants, without any pressure from you whatsoever.

Nice you can forgive, now let her think.