[strat07]

All right.. here goes nothing,


So it's been about 2 months or so since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me.

Let me start by saying I thought she was the most amazing person in the world, and I was the luckiest guy on our planet earth. I loved her so much to the point I could cry just out of happiness I had her.

We dated for a year and about 3 months, we both started dating as freshman in high school. She broke up with me when we were in the middle of our sophomore year.

Now, I was her first "real" boyfriend, she told me she loved me SO much. She wanted to stay with me forever. I did everything for this girl. Literally, everything. I made her things to eat, I bought her stuff, took her out places, the normal boyfriend stuff. But, I treated this girl, and I know I treated her, perfectly. I didn't rush her into anything, I didn't pressure her into having sex, and we didn't have sex. It was a loving relationship. We had great fun, and we just were plain old in-love. At least I was in love. I called her to tell her I loved her, I missed her, and let her know I was always thinking of her. I was the happiest person you could ever meet. We both didn't have licenses but we saw each other around once or twice a week. It didn't bother us at all. Everything was perfect for about a year. She started changing after that one year. She stopped calling me those names such as "babe" "honey". She stopped telling me she missed me. She seemed as if she was losing interest, and was falling out of love, If she was ever in love with me in the first place.

Well, Needless to say she broke up with me through a text message saying that I was only cute for a week, She wanted to live her life, I was too smothering. She didn't see me enough, yet she got her license the day she broke up with me. She wanted to see what else was out there.

Everyone whose helped me says she did NOT deserve whatsoever. Girls said I was the best boyfriend to the girl that they have ever seen. I know I treated her good.

But I see things that remind me of her, I hear music that reminds me of her. I wrote her songs and played them for her and those make me incredibly sad and depressed. I see pictures of her on the internet, I see her friends, anything along those lines. I get pretty sad over all of it.

I need to let go, but I don't know how. I could use some words of wisdom or some advice. Right now It's been the hardest point since the break up.

Thanks for taking the time to read this if you do, I know there's some good people out there who wouldn't call me an idiot for doing this.

[talaniman]

I need to let go, but I don't know how. I could use some words of wisdom or some advice. Right now It's been the hardest point since the break up.

That one of the things we must learn when we are making that transition from youth to adult, coping with loss, and our own feelings. There are no magic pills, just experience and hard work.

It starts with leaving her alone and getting busy, regrouping and rebuilding your life with the things and people that you enjoy.

Click on the links in my signature, and get some insights, and suggestions as to what to do when a relationship ends. Read them all, and let us know if it helps.

[strat07]

I've actually been reading it, and I remember reading this about a month ago. It somewhat helped actually.

I haven't talked to her since she broke up with me really. I haven't said a word to her or her friends.

Lately I've been feeling so down about this whole situation. I have a feeling like I won't ever be able to do better.

[plonak]

Strat:

My relationship just ended less than a week ago.. we were togther for 13 months.. let me tell you it hasn't been fun, but you will do better, trust me.. It's funny because people keep telling me this, and it's hard to believe, but I have been doing better..

Distraction is seriously the KEY!! Exercise, getting your heartrate up helps tremendously! I'm starting the CPA today, and the thought of studying for hours actually excites me because I can focus on something else other than him..

I know how it feels to have everything remind you of the person. Sometimes, I just sit there and get hit with this deep deep sadness and loneliness, and I feel like I'm going to lose it.. but then I tell myself that it's OK to feel like this.. and then it passes (by distracting myself) don't wallo in self pity all day.. it's OK to feel sad and cry about it, but don't do it for too long.. you don't want to dip into a depression...

I suggest you don't go online and look up pictures of her.. I can't even think about looking at a picture of my ex, it would drive me crazy..

Find solace in the fact that we are going through this too.. it will get better.. I need to keep telling myself that too.

[strat07]

Heh yeah, Working out does help. I have a weekly routine I've been sticking to for the past 3 years. I'm a student pilot and that helps keep me busy. Im also in a band and I'm constantly making music.

I just felt so in love with her that I didn't know how to basically live without her in my life. Everyone I see with brown hair reminds me of her.

I just wish I knew when I could start getting better faster, because it's been 2 months and I'm starting to feel like I won't be able to get better

[strat07]

I also seem as if all my love was wasted on her. She ended up not loving me and I feel like I loved her and it was all no use. Im so confused on everything.

Some days I'm beyond sad, some days I'm really mad due to the fact of what she said to me and how she broke up with me. She seemed like she stopped caring about me.

Someone said a quote to me that helped me tremendously and it was "You do not have to feed her already big ego."

And she does have a big ego. She hangs out with the "wrong" crowd ever since she broke up with me.

She has a new boyfriend that she's been dating for probably a month already. She liked him as soon as she broke up with me. (Go Figure).

She wanted to take a break she told me. But I had a feeling in my stomach that just wasn't what she wanted. She wanted a permanent break from me. She is now dating a kid who smokes and drinks, as well as all of her friends now drink/smoke. She goes to parties now, and thinking of her with other guys just KILLS me inside. It makes me sick to my stomach just typing it.

[Alty]

Honey, it's time to think about yourself and only you. Find something that you love to do and do it.

Stop looking at photos of her, you aren't ready yet, one day you will be.

Breaking up is hard, why do you think so many people write songs about it? It hurts, and it sucks, especially if you are the one that got dumped.

We've all been there, we've all gotten through it. I have never met someone who ended up with the first person they ever dated. Heck, I went through allot of toads before I found my prince. ;)

Don't worry, it will get better eventually, just stick to NC and find happiness somewhere else.

Good luck sweetie. :)

[strat07]

I know you're right. It's just so hard to think that way. I know she was no good for me, but I don't understand why my mind won't let me feel that she was bad for me though. I know she was not a good girlfriend to me, but I feet as if she was.

[plonak]

I know how you feel, I broke up with my boyfriend becaseu there was too much stress and he had too many problems for me to deal with and it wasn't healthy, but I can't stop thinking about him and his good qualities and his good looks and it's so hard because my heart is saying you love him why are you without him? And then my brain says that it can't be.. it's this constant battle with our heart and brain

[ka1111]

Stratocaster,

It sucks,doesn't it?. Doing everything right and ending up losing?. It is unfortunately a sad fact of life that most (yes,most) women out there don't want to be treated nice.Sounds crazy,but there's a reason.
It's cause they know they don't deserve it.

Subconsciously that is.. They know they are not worth it and it's killing them inside.It's the same with all those talentless worthless semi-famous people who take up drugs cause they know they're not worth all the hype and it's eating them from the inside out.They have no feelings,only ego and needs.

They are scared,insecure and afraid,oh so afraid.And being so close to someone free and not afraid of loving and taking a risk and giving,instead of inspiring them it makes them feel even more uncomfortable and scares them away,cause they know they can't match that bravery and heart.

So,they run away.And make choices that they can feel comfortable with.Then they pay-inevitably-the price of those choices.Firs they think along the lines of "oh,why am I so unlucky" and "oh,why do I end up with @$$hole$" and stuff.Then they remember what they used to have and ran away from.And that makes them more miserable as they realise once again how scared and small they are.And it's a vicious circle.

Now you can become that sort of person.Or you can stay true to yourself.

BOTH choices have a price.

It's just a matter of who you want to be.

Good luck friend.Keep on playing that start,it does help.

[damaged]

Strat... unfortunately we all have had breakups, so we know how you feel!. It sucks badly... so believe when people tell you this: it will get better.. You may not think it will now, but later on you will realize that this may have been the best thing that ever happened to you... As for now, there's no quick fix... You're going to hurt for a while, and it does get worst before it gets better... but you got to focus on you(school, work, friends).. If you start to think about her, go and get busy... go to the gym, watch a movie or w.e keeps you entertained... Keep NC and slowly things will start to make sense again!. one day you won't hurt any longer :)... Be patient, you need to get used to the idea that she won't be in your life any more. It takes TIME but you'll make it...

If you feel like talking you can always come here & write, we'll gladly help you..

[starlite1]

Strat...unfortunately we all have had breakups, so we know how you feel!!...It sucks badly...so believe when people tell you this: it will get better..You may not think it will now, but later on you will realize that this may have been the best thing that ever happened to you...As for now, there's no quick fix...You're gonna hurt for a while, and it does get worst before it gets better...but you gotta focus on you(school, work, friends)..If you start to think about her, go and get busy...go to the gym, watch a movie or w.e keeps you entertained....Keep NC and slowly things will start to make sense again!!..one day you won't hurt any longer :) ...Be patient, you need to get used to the idea that she won't be in your life any more. it takes TIME but you'll make it...

If you feel like talking you can always come here & write, we'll gladly help you..

Hi Strat,

I know the pain you are feeling, and it is horrible. But what Damaged said is right. Even though you are going through a really hard time with it right now, it will get better. We all can attest to that. You will have some really down moments, but you will get past those as well.

You mentioned that you feel that you perhaps wasted your love on her... Sweetie, not at all. Be proud of the guy that you are.. you are able to love, you feel love and you give love.. that is awesome, and a wonderful quality. Even though things didn't work out, you gave her love... you are a good guy, and don't change that. Now what you need to do, is keep playing your guitar, get a band together (if you don't already have one), and have a great time! (I have a start myself, and I am trying to get myself to play again, but I too have my days where I cannot get motivated). Time will pass, and you will get through this :)

[ladada]

You sound like you was a lovely boyfriend who put his everything into this relationship, so you should't give yourself any kind of complex, I understand you are naturally going to put this girl on a pedestal. I split up with my boyfriend a few days ago, and he cheated on me and all sorts, but I still think of him as an amzing good looking person, you naturally will, but one day you will realise that you are a great person who deserves better, you have to forget what you want and remember who you deserve! And this girl clearly wasn't the one for you, and you need to take each day as it comes. This way you will with time be stronger and happier in the long run.

Good luck, i know its easier said than done but everybody goes through heartache, im feeling the same emotions currently! But in time it will be okay (:

[strat07]

Everything you all said really, really helps. I've read it all over and over and it starts to make me think about how much I deserve better.

I really did give her my all and didn't do one bad thing to her. I always kept her happy, or so it seemed. I did what she asked of me, and I took responsibility in being the best boyfriend I could ever be. I never let her down in my mind. I just don't understand why she left me to be with a kid who drinks/does drugs, and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. She liked this kid probably a year after our relationship because she worked with him. It hurts the worst to think about her being with someone else. But I feel as if I'm getting better through ought each day. Little by little. But having all of you giving me advice, and words of wisdom helps me in a great deal.

[plonak]

Hey Strat,

TRY as you might not to think about who she is hanging out with and where she is.. push her out of your mind.. it's normal to have those thoughts, but it's NOT healthy!! It doesn't do you any good to think about who she is with.. think about yourself and who you could potentially be with in the future.. that helps to direct your mind.. see yourself as a great person, where your ex missed out..

She will someday know that she missed out and she let someone really great go.. just know that, she may never tell you but, girls like that have unfufilling lives and they end up lonely and they remember those select, special people who were worth being with, and they gave them up and they can't have 'em back

[strat07]

I think I'm still somewhat in shock with the decisions she made to break up with me, date some new guy after she told me she wanted a break from a boyfriend, started going to parties, and could be drinking/smoking. She's almost a completely different person from who she was when I fell in love with her. If I saw her now and I never met her before, I would not even think about dating her. I really need someone who would love me for me, and loves what I do, and treats me how I treat her. I obviously got the short end of the stick there. I treated her with the utmost respect, love, and care.

When I think about trying to be with someone else, I always imagine the person I'm thinking about to look exactly like her or something. There was a pretty strong attraction between the two of us, and we just look like we'd go together. I feel sick to my stomach when I see a brown haired girl, because basically now I'm a sucker for girls with brown hair. I don't know if it's because my ex had brown hair, or it's really my favorite color for girls.

[damaged]

I agree with Plonak.. One day she will regret ever leaving you.. bc you sound like a really nice BF... Good things will happen to you and one day you will hurt no more because of this.. You will find someone who appreciates you because good things happen to good people.. Be patient and we're here for you..
"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy" -NNG

[strat07]

This is all really, really tough. Sometimes trying to not think about her, makes me think about her even more. And it sure does take a lot out of me. I was with the bassist from my band all day and I didn't really think about her as much as before if I can recall, I mightve not thought about her at all today until up to this point.