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rachael18 · Jun 11, 2008, 10:19 AM

So here is the thing. I really like this guy that I have been knowing a good while. He knows how I feel about him and all that stuff. But the only thing is that he doesn't want a relationship right now, in which I respect that. He hasn't said that he don't like me he just doesn't want a relationship at the moment. So here is the thing there is this guy I have been talking to who seems to really like me, but I'm not sure if I like him back the way he likes me. I mean I am still lusting over the other guy still. But I know I can't wait around on him forever. Any advise to help me would be really great.

bushg · Jun 11, 2008, 10:21 AM

Don't get involved with someone Just to be involved, It is not fair to make someone else be 2nd fiddle.

rachael18 · Jun 11, 2008, 10:29 AM

Yeah I know because I would then be compairing the other guy to the one I still like. But like I said I can't wait around forever and it's hard to let go of someone you have feelings for and not sure if they have the same kind of feelings back. More so when there is someone who is saying 'hey look I have the same interest in you' it's not easy.

AlwaysWriting · Jun 11, 2008, 10:40 AM

If you can't be with the one you love... Love the one you're with.

JBeaucaire · Jun 11, 2008, 01:10 PM

Here's how I read your question:

"I like him. He doesn't like me. Should I avoid getting involved with someone else on the off chance he might randomly change his mind and like me all of a sudden?"

No, you shouldn't avoid other relationships just because they aren't some other guy who ISN'T interested in you. That makes no sense whatsoever.

You start leading your life that way and you'll never do anything, since there will always be some other better option you'd prefer but can't have but want anyway so you don't do anything. How can you live like that?

rachael18 · Jun 11, 2008, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Here's how I read your question:

"I like him. He doesn't like me. Should I avoid getting involved with someone else on the off chance he might randomly change his mind and like me all of a sudden?"

No, you shouldn't avoid other relationships just because they aren't some other guy who ISN'T interested in you. That makes no sense whatsoever.

You start leading your life that way and you'll never do anything, since there will always be some other better option you'd prefer but can't have but want anyway so you don't do anything. How can you live like that?

You pretty much hit the nail right on the head. I know just because he gave me a slimmer of hope that he may want to be with me when he is ready. But the thing is that when he IS ready for a relationship it may not be with me even. But beings I do have these feelings for this guy I am scared that if I move on he will then suddenly want to be with me. But like everyone told me that if he had wanted to be with me he had his chance. That I shouldn't wait for any man. I just wish it were easier to get over people.

JBeaucaire · Jun 11, 2008, 11:50 PM

The depth with which you love is actually a good thing. Don't fret it too much. It means you will be a good catch, as long as you don't turn it into clingy-needy-psycho-girl. Hehe. You know what I mean.

Yeah it's hard, but it's bearable. You'll be through it before you know it as long as you keep from isolating yourself from the rest of the world and the future that is already headed your way. Eyes forward!

Guidostern · Jun 12, 2008, 12:34 AM

How well do you know this other guy that likes you so much? If you don't know him all that well, or even if you do - give him a chance... I definitely wouldn't sit in waiting on someone.

At this point, you may be experiencing some false hope... but it's not a reason to avoid others that could end up making you happy. Plus it will help you keep your mind off this other guy that you're infatuated with.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2008, 05:00 AM

Don't be stuck on a flimsy false hope, that's not fair. Leave this guy alone, and have fun getting to know the new guy.

bigbird213 · Jun 12, 2008, 05:37 AM

Agreed with the above.

Why worry about a maybe when you can be excited about a new thing?

rachael18 · Jun 12, 2008, 08:54 PM

Thanks you guys. I guess the best thing for me to do is give this new guy a chance. I mean what could it hurt right? Its not like I'm in a relationship and committed to anyone. Because I don't think the other guy (the one I was interested in first) wants a relationship anytime soon, and I shouldn't have to wait on anyone. More so if they aren't even sure if they want to be with me.

Guidostern · Jun 12, 2008, 10:03 PM

Good for you. I wouldn't waste my time waiting on someone else either. If he ends up wanting you, just let him know that he lost his chance. I'm sure you deserve better than this other guy has given you anyway.

rachael18 · Jun 14, 2008, 01:25 PM

My only thing I am worried about is going in there and compairing this guy to the one I liked first. Like I said before I wish getting over people would be a lot easier then it is. So I guess I need to go in to it with a open mind and just see how things go. All this time I am thinking the other guy is best/right for me and in the long run the new guy might be the one.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2008, 07:57 PM

All this time I am thinking the other guy is best/right for me and in the long run the new guy might be the one.

There is no real hurry to find out is it?

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 08:08 PM

Wow, I just read this thread, and the progress made is amazing. Just as a quick comment, this is how the site should work. Advice is given, decisions are made, and all is good. :)

Anyway, in my opinion, this new guy sounds like a good option to you. Everybody said it right, why waste time on a questionable relationship when you have a one ready to be explored. Just don't let the guy you like affect your new relationship. I would watch out for that. He may realize that he likes you, and wants a relationship after you begin a relationship with this new guy. I've seen it happen before. "You don't know what you got 'till its gone."

I wish you good luck with your new relationship!

taytortot · Jun 14, 2008, 09:30 PM

I know you ike him but you don't have to wait for him!! Just take a break till you find someone else that you like and likes u... rightnow don't wait for him just have fun till another special someone comes around

Guidostern · Jun 14, 2008, 11:03 PM

You really should give this new guy a chance like he is willing to give you. If you aren't sure that you can do this, then don't get into a relationship and break his heart... Like previously said, you don't have to wait for this guy... there's no reason to wait for him... if he wanted a relationship, he would let you know... like taytor says... have fun until someone else comes along. Don't pull this other guy into the circle of confusion that you're currently in.

rachael18 · Jun 15, 2008, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by jrsg

Just don't let the guy you like affect your new relationship. I would watch out for that. He may realize that he likes you, and wants a relationship after you begin a relationship with this new guy. I've seen it happen before. "You don't know what you got 'till its gone."

And that is exactaly what I am thinking he would do [I could be wrong] but I mean I can't on someone forever. I also mentioned that when and if he is ready it may not even be with me, so basically I could be passing up a good guy waiting around for something that may never even happen. Like the guy who doesn't want a relationship realizes that he has lost a good thing and that he has had feeling for me but wasn't ready for a relationship now wants one with me. His loss right? Ah gah this is hard. But thanks again you guys I really appreciate you helping me with this.

jrsg · Jun 15, 2008, 12:03 PM

Yes. His loss. You should give this new guy who likes you a chance. Who knows, maybe he's 'the one.' You even said it in post #14; that he is probably better for you in the long run. So see how it goes with the new guy.

And this kind of thing is hard, isn't it? Just be proud of yourself for handling the situation so well, and for making good decisions. I'm glad I could help!

-Jay

rachael18 · Jun 16, 2008, 01:14 PM

I am probably seeing the new guy sometime today, so we will see how things go. Besides I haven't heard from the other guy in almost a week. Which is kind of telling me that one he doesn't want to talk to me or two he is just really busy. But regardless of the answer if he was interested in me he could take five minutes out of his busy day to call me or text me a hi or a hello.