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StrongButInLove · Jun 10, 2008, 09:54 AM

I have been dating this guy for over 5 years now. He has a history of being an impulsive gambler. He would spend hundreds of dollars in 1 night. About 2 years ago we built a house together and married under the impression he had left that life behind. Everything went great at first until I found out his family had been covering up his gambling habit for over 3 months. He refused to get help, so eventually we divorced. During our time apart I "played the field." Part of the reason was to see if someone better was out there, part of the reason was because I was so angry at him. Over this time I made many new friends (some being male). About 10 months ago we got back together. He had quite gamgling and was going to meetings. I moved back in about 2 months ago. Last night one of my male friends (who I hadn't talked to in a very long time) text me. It was his birthday, so we exchanged a couple texts. I told my boyfiend about the occasion and he FLIPED. He wants me to chose... either my single life (AKA. Having male freinds) or my life with him. He then stormed off to the bar until 3am. This morning I was informed by a family friend that he was gambling at the bar last night. I just don't know if this relationship is actually savable or if it was a figment of our imagination.

eastcoast1 · Jun 10, 2008, 10:02 AM

Have you explained to him the situation with your friends? And do your male friends know about your situation with your husband? There needs to be a line where everyone knows what reality is. Your husband I'm sure is going to feel somewhat insecure, but it shouldn't be to the point where he is going to flip out. He clearly still needs work on his gambling issues, along with some personal issues it appears.

Have you guys gone through marriage counseling together? I think this would benefit your marriage a great deal.

Good luck & keep us posted

mrchef1110 · Jun 10, 2008, 10:06 AM

Trust issues are something that a relationship is built on. If he can't deal with you having male friends then that's a big slap in the face for you as you do not have his trust. If you don't have his trust what is your relationship built on because it isn't something that is healthy.

If he gets upset at you TEXTING someone to tell them happy birthday and having a small conversation with them there is a big issue with that. That does not constitute the actions that he did. However, his relapse into gambling shows that he uses it as a crutch.

I don't know if you two have since become remarried, if you have you might want to seek marriage counseling. If not look at his actions and probably he hasn't changed very much himself you need to ask if you want this life. As being tied to him will mean having to deal with all his insecurities and issues but emotionally and financially. Take a deep breath, step back and reevaluate as only you know what you want.

starlite1 · Jun 10, 2008, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by eastcoast1

have you explained to him the situation with your friends? and do your male friends know about your situation with your husband? There needs to be a line where everyone knows what reality is. Your husband i'm sure is going to feel somewhat insecure, but it shouldn't be to the point where he is going to flip out. He clearly still needs work on his gambling issues, along with some personal issues it appears.

Have you guys gone through marriage counseling together? I think this would benefit your marriage a great deal.

Good luck & keep us posted

Marriage counseling is a great idea. Even though both of you are divorced, you still can go to couples counseling. It appears that he is acting very selfish.. he knows the reasons the divorce took place, he says he got his act together (although he didn't; apparently if an issue arises that he doesn't like, or can't deal with, he goes back to gambling), and by you having friends that happen to be male, and there is nothing more than just friendship, he really should be all right with that.

StrongButInLove · Jun 10, 2008, 10:22 AM

Yes and Yes. He knew that this group of friends exsisted and they know that I am back together with my ex. On the other hand, I have not talked to them recently since I knew this is how my boyfriend felt. They have met each other, but are not what you would call friends. I really try to respect his feelings HOWEVER I don't feel that it is his right to choose my friends. He is not willing to even hang out with them because he feels that they had a part in our divorce.

eastcoast1 · Jun 10, 2008, 10:33 AM

I agree 100% he should not chose who you hang out with. The last sentence you said regarding the role they had in the divorce is the catalyst in his insecurities, and they won't be easy to overcome. This would be best dealt through a counselor, if either of you try to rationalize it, it will create tension/further insecurities on his end.

Good luck!

Bosnian510 · Dec 7, 2011, 01:59 AM

Ask him why he is throwing a fit about you having guy friends. Reality, I am one of those insecure boyfriends as well. For me it's that..

I'm not good enough for my girlfriend.
I don't have the car and money some of her guy friends have.
I worry she'll find someone better than me and leave me in the dry.
Don't trust other men. YOU KNOW HOW MEN ARE!

If you really love him and see him changing, especially wit his gambling, take that into consideration when making the right choice. Are your guy friends worth losing your lover? Your guy friends should understand that if you need time to take off with them to fix problems and help your boyfriend with his insecurities, they should understand.

Insecure boyfriends need time, support and patience from their lover. Its hard to deal with them... but give it a shot. That's my opinion.

I am one of the craziest boyfriends you'll meet... and I made a promise to my girlfriend 8 months into the relationship that I am willing to change and go normal.

Insecure crazy boyfriends care. We care too much. That's my point of view.