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topladyj · Jun 5, 2008, 03:34 PM

Okay not trying to be nasty but it takes me FOREVER to get off even if masterbating. I really have to work myself up and it used to not be like this. I used to get so wet down to my knees. Can this be from looking at porn or what?? Sorry but can anyone offer any good advice please.

RedneckMama · Jun 5, 2008, 07:51 PM

So, you're saying it takes you forever to , right? Or just to get wet... I'm confused...

Either way, are you sure you're relaxed enough for it to happen? If not, that could be a major factor..
Also, are you on any new medications? You'd be surprised what some of those things do to your sexual health & libido...

Maybe you can't (if that's the problem) because you're used to looking at porn and trying to prolong your pleasure... there's nothing wrong with that... that's what masturbation is all about!

topladyj · Jun 6, 2008, 11:54 AM

Yeah it takes me forever to and I am usually to dry that I have to use lube for him and yes it feels as good as its ever felt but not its like I have to work my way up to it for some reason and no new meds so I don't know what the deal is, but its getting old and makes my man feel like crap. :(

topladyj · Jun 7, 2008, 09:54 AM

So anyone have any advice please??

Choux · Jun 7, 2008, 07:34 PM

How long is "forever"?

RustyFairmount · Jun 7, 2008, 08:51 PM

Are you healthy? Are you drunk when masturbating, or possibly dehydrated? Try abstaining for a month from drugs, alcohol, masturbation, and porn. See what happens then. (BTW: I am not implying that you do illegal things or are an alcoholic. I just am making suggestions based on personal experience. Health plays a BIG role in quality of sex/masturbation.)

topladyj · Jun 8, 2008, 06:59 PM

No I don't smoke cigs and I don't drink I eat a healthy diet and drink plenty of water, I exercise. I'd say I live a pretty healthy life style and forever to me is 20 or 30 minutes I don't think this is normal?! I used to not take but a min or two. I am only 23!

Synnen · Jun 8, 2008, 07:58 PM

A friend of mine used to say "I've had me so many times, I'm bored with myself"

If you're doing the same thing every time, you're probably becoming a bit desensitized.

20-30 minutes is pretty normal for me.

Try stimulating yourself in different ways--MENTALLY. Read some romances or erotica (I'm personally very fond of Anne Douglas, who I think only publishes online, but she's pretty wow). Try imagining yourself in an erotic situation you hadn't thought of before. Try masturbating in different places--like if you're usually in bed, try the living room or the bathtub, etc.

You're probably just very used to yourself, and need to shake it up a bit.

bushg · Jun 8, 2008, 08:19 PM

Read some of kp2171 post.https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/kp2171.html

Baby-_-Girl-_-19 · Jun 8, 2008, 08:28 PM

Relax more, maybe you're too worried about hurting your man's feelings about not getting there quickly enough or at all that you just wind yourself up.

Here's a question, are you thinking about other things that could be playing a big part being distracted...
Maybe you could:

*Try something new, sometimes the same thing in the same place gets... boring to say the least... trying a new position in a new place enhances that adrenaline rush you get whitch in turn might be able to help you.
*have longer foreplay, generally girls respond more to foreplay because the is getting stimulated more which in turn can help you during sex
*and synnen said try to stimulate yourself mentally, it could go along way physically... trust me...

And as for it taking you a long time to get there, its not a bad thing, trust me its not bad is when you just cant, no matter what. So unless your having a quicky and pressed for time, don't worry about it and enjoy the ride

topladyj · Jun 10, 2008, 10:14 AM

Wow I really apriciate it and would like to get into reading some erotic books can you recommend any that I can buy from a book store? And we don't do much of the foreplay you know how guys are when they are ready they are ready but I'm not and it makes me feel horrible I tried explaining this to him years ago that I like foreplay. And probably have a few things on my mind at the time too. But I don't think its right that I have to be someone's rag doll like he can't even take it slow so I can get to his point. Oh and another thing it is boring he is one of those lets do it in the bed only after ten o clock at night. I'm more spontanious (sp?) right here right now any position. I'm still confused!

Synnen · Jun 10, 2008, 10:48 AM

You need to communicate your NEED for foreplay with him. It's not a want--it's a need. If he can't get it, well... then he doesn't get in your pants, does he?

You have to discuss with HIM the wants and needs you have--but be prepared to listen to his too! Work together to accommodate each other--sometimes things will go in his favor, but an equal number of times should be in your favor.

As far as books go--I really can't recommend any particular book, but Anais Nin is a great author (Delta of Venus is probably her best book) and I particularly like the Black Lace books of short stories. If you have a REALLY open mind about sex, the "Beauty" books by Anne Rice (I think she wrote them as A. N. Roquelard or something similar to that) are great--but they're pretty kinky.

Generally, I find the Sexuality/Erotica section at Half Price Books and just pick out a few every couple months. B&N has a pretty good selection of Erotica too, though depending on the store, it's hard to find because it's dispersed throughout the Fiction and Romance sections.

topladyj · Jun 18, 2008, 08:32 AM

Not meaning to be nasty but thanks to everyone and it is a foreplay issue for sure cause he fingered me and I got all worked up and ready to go thanks everyone and I will try and start reading the erotic books sounds like something I would enjoy! Bless you all.

snowalps · Jun 18, 2008, 01:58 PM

Actually this is happening to me too.. but as they say it's the way you try to experiment, though I can't figure out what experiments need to be done. Before , it used to be so simple!
Nyways, guess its normal as you prolong with age... one of the reasons, its no longer a fanatsy, its an everyday thing and reasonably gets you used to it.
So my advice, don't worry too much about it, but yes do change your style and work out different ways to explore your own self. All else, it's the same with me and I try to think it out this way!
Take care and njoii.