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mommaveloso · Mar 6, 2006, 05:46 AM

Well, My Problem Is My 9 Mth Old Daughter Will Not Sleep In Her Own Bed. She Will Not Sleep Anywhere Without Me! I Try To Put Her In Her Crib, But She Just Won't Go In There. She Thinks It Is For Playing In, And Not For Sleeping In. I Am Not A Big Fan Of Letting Her Cry It Out, But If That Is The Only Way, Then Maybe I Should Try. I Am Scared To Let Her Cry Too Long. I Don't Want Her To Get Sick, Or Think I Don't Love Her. What Can I Do? I Never Had This Problem With My Other 2 Daughters... It Is Starting To Take A Toll On Me. I Am Exhausted! I Am Up Till 2 Am Trying To Get Her To Sleep On Her Own, And As Soon As I Let Her Sleep With Me She Is Out! We Are At Fault For This, We Moved To Germany When She Was 2 Months Old, So She Had To Sleep With Us Because Of The Move, And Our Stuff Didn't Arrive Till She Was 4 Months Old, Leaving Her To Sleep With Us Longer. I Was Nursing Her Till About 2 Weeks Ago, So I Know That Has A lot To Do With Her Clingyness.. I Just Want Someone To Give Me Some Suggestions On Getting Her To Sleep In Her Own Crib, Without Me!

fredg · Mar 6, 2006, 06:18 AM

Hi, mamma,
This is a tough one. Been through the same thing, but many, many years ago. Our grandson, 8 yrs old now, had the same problem, and it was eventually solved with "tough love".
There are probably many different things to try, and maybe someone can come up with something.
But, placing a 9 mo old in her bed, telling her goodnight, then leaving, might be the only way. The crying will stop eventually, and she will go to sleep when she gets exhausted. You could also ask your Doctor what he/she thinks about the idea, from a "health" standpoint. I am not a Doctor.
In many, many years now, I have never heard of a young child causing itself physical harm by crying itself to sleep.
Here is a link; if you wish to view it. Scroll down to the heading "Going to sleep alone".
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/child-sleep/CC00020
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 6, 2006, 09:24 AM

She has you right where she wants you. This should have been resolved back when she was 4 months old not 9 month

But yes, first a crib is not for playing, and if you have been putting her there to play stop that, and get a play pen if you have to have a place for her. But put her to bed, OK to leave a light on ( we always used a 25 or 40 watt bulb for them when they were small. Kiss them good night and decide you won't sleep for that night or maybe a couple of nights worrying about them, but they will tire of crying at some point and go to sleep.

This is the way it is done by all parents at some point, unless they still have their 8 year old sleeping with them.

mommaveloso · Mar 6, 2006, 09:31 AM

Well The Thing Is, I Have A Play Pen For Her To Play In, And I Don't Put Her In The Crib To Play, But For Some Reason She Wants To Stand Up And Play In It When I Put Her To Bed. And The Crying Thing.. She Can Cry A Very Long Time. After An Hour I Can't Take It Any More And Get Her Out. I Know That Is Wrong, But I Feel Like I Am Being Mean To Her. I Never Had A Problem With My Other 2 Girls, They Slept With Me When They Were Babies And Went Right To The Crib At 6 Months With No Big Deal. But This One Is Harder. She Is Smarter... She Will Cry Herself Sick. Like Puking Sick. The Doctor Says That I Should Try To Do It In Intervals Of 2 Hrs At A Time, But Won't That Be Like Torture.. Not That I Am Not Already Doing That By Letting Her Have Her Way Eventually. I Am Just So Tired Of Fighting Her And Don't Know What Else To Do... I Feel Like A Bad Mom, Because I Can't Get My 9 Mth Old To Sleep In Her Own Bed. Hubby Says I Should Just Let Her Cry Too... But Isn't That Being Cruel? What Do I Do, What Do I Do?

fredg · Mar 6, 2006, 10:21 AM

Hi,
This is "normal" treatment for getting a young child to sleep by themselves. You let her cry for about an hour? Try letting it go on for half the night!
It is up to you. The more you go back into the room and pick her up to comfort her, the less chances you are going to get her to sleep by herself, until maybe she is 12 years old!
Your answer before this one indicated "be prepared to not get any sleep that night". Absolutely correct. Your child might decide to cry for a couple of hours, then nap, wake back up, and start crying again.
It's completely up to you; as to whether you want to end this at 9 months. Old, or continue letting her sleep with you. The longer she sleeps with you, the more difficult it will be to get her to sleep by herself.
I do wish you the best of luck.

ScottGem · Mar 6, 2006, 10:57 AM

My daughter always seemed to be ahead of the technology to help care for her ;) One of the things they came out with after she was OK on sleeping was a pillow with a heartbeat sound in it. This pillow simulated lying close to the parent and may just be the thing (if you can find it) to wean your child.

Just a suggestion you might consider.

mommaveloso · Mar 9, 2006, 04:02 AM

Just wanted to update you on this... been up since Monday! She sleeps about 20min and then cries for 3 hrs and then sleeps 20 or 30 min and cries for 3 hours.. I think I have had 4 hrs sleep so far.. and I know she is exhausted.. but she is refusing to sleep in her crib... is there anything else I can try? I am wore out!

pab · Apr 11, 2006, 02:33 PM

Let her sleep with you. Its natural, normal, and she will grow up feeling loved and secure.

mommaveloso · Apr 12, 2006, 12:47 AM

Well... the whole crying it out thing is not working for me, she cries till she pukes! I have got her to sleep in the crib for her naps.. and that is all so far. She sleeps with me at night, or I don't get any sleep! Maybe I have failed at the whole making her cry it out. Does that make me a bad mom? I just can't do it.. it is so wrong to let her cry till she is sick, and she don't know what she did wrong. I have a week heart when it comes to my kids, and I just can't go through with it. I know I asked for suggestions, and thank you for them all, but if I want any sleep, and my other kids and husband too, she is just going to have to sleep with me till she is ready to move on.. thank you for all the great suggestions, I really appreciate all of them!

fredg · Apr 12, 2006, 04:07 AM

Hi, momma,
Sorry to hear this "first time" trying with her didn't work out for you. Course you know she will be in bed with you for probably the next 5 yrs or so!
She isn't necessarily smarter than your other children, just more stubborn.
I agree with your husband, let her stay there until she finally gives up, knowing this is what is going to be. It does not mean you are a "bad mom".
This isn't the same as "discliplining" a child when they are old enough to know they have done something they are not supposed to do, but do it anyway. It doesn't make you a "bad mom" for discliplining them in that situation either.
I do wish you the best with your decision to let her stay in bed with you, and hope she will eventually be OK by herself.

RickJ · Apr 12, 2006, 05:40 AM

Do not let her sleep with you... unless you don't mind her doing so until she is 8 years old or so. Trust me: the longer you let it happen, the more she will get used to it and expect it.

... kids don't naturally grow out of this until they are many years old... so you've got to train her out of it.

Yes, it's tough, but hang in there mom!

Michou · May 29, 2006, 12:23 PM

LUNGS OF STEEL! That's all I could say about my son. We had a similar problem when he was a baby. He would literally scream for hours if I put him in his bed. At first I did the same thing you are doing. I would get so upset listening to him scream that I would eventually go and get him. But I soon realized that I was just playing the game with him.

I finally took a good book and the baby monitor turned on low, out on the porch with me. That way, I could still hear him but it wasn't so overwhelming. As he would quiet down, I would turn the monitor up. The first night, I was actually in tears because he cried for 2 1/2 hours straight. But I just had to let him cry. The next night, he "only" cried for an hour. The third night he cried for almost 2 hours again and from there, it was easy. He cried for only a few minutes.

I have also found that with my third child, a routine REALLY helped. We all go up stairs and brush our teeth, then it is story time, and then I take her to her room where we have a series of quick rituals that we do. She now goes to bed with out a sound even though she started much like my son did.

aqua@home · May 29, 2006, 10:11 PM

I think you should let her cry (within reason). What I did was go into their bedroom and tell them goodnight about every 5 to 10 minutes in a very monotone voice. Doing this for a few hours for a week is far better than listening to her cry for who knows how long. I think it will have to be done sometime so why not start now. I agree with your husband and I know that it will be difficult just stick to your guns. Find something else to do like watch TV or a movie or something. She will figure it out. Good luck.

susy · May 31, 2006, 03:19 PM

I think that if you let your baby cry, you are being cruel with her because she is just a baby that needs you. Babies are honest, and they show what they feel at any moment. When you let her cry, you are making her feel more insecure. She just shows what she feels. Babies need to feel secure. Don't think that she is going to want to sleep with you forever because that is not going to happen. If she wants to sleep with you is because she feels insecure. If you let her crying in the crib, you are just going to contribute more to her insecurity, and that worsens the problem. For some reason she feels insecure, so show her you are there to help her.There should be other ways to make her feel more secure, but let her crying is not the solution.
Let me tell you that she doesn't cry at purpose, she feels really bad that's why she cries. Good luck

susy · Jun 1, 2006, 11:20 AM

Don't be cruel with your child. She feels fearful for some reason. She needs to feel secure. Let her know you are there. Babies behave as the way they feel, they don't do it to bother you or at purpose. If you let her crying, you will strengthen her insecurity. There should be other methods but don't let her crying in the crib. Good luck.

J_9 · Jun 1, 2006, 11:24 AM

One thing that helped my 4 year old when I had this problem was a "doll" that I took to bed with me, wore under my clothes while at home for about a week. This way the "doll" gained my scent. Whenever I put him to bed I gave him the "doll" and he smelled me on it and that comforted him.

Myth · Jun 1, 2006, 01:39 PM

Many children that are left to cry themselves to sleep have developed a more individual nature. Your baby is almost not a baby anymore and if you don't want to be coddling her all the rest of your life then you need to learn to let go a little at a time. This is one of the first and one of the most difficult to do. Some may say it's wrong but you no what I think it's wrong not to give them a chance to be as individual as you are. I know that I don't want a little clone of me walking around and I want my girls to be able to make decisions baised on what I teach them. I don't want them to hide behind my hip at the age of twenty because I neglected to teach them to be selfconfident. I would let the child cry. You might also give her toys to distract her and for her to take her frustrations out on... it will help her burn some energy and maybe calm down. You are by no means a bad person or cruel to your child by letting her cry, you're a mom that's teaching her that your in charge and when it's bed time it's bed time. This is why we're moms and teachers all wrapped up in one. Now find that backbone and teach her.

s_cianci · Jun 1, 2006, 06:41 PM

When it's bedtime, put her in her crib and close the door. She'll probably scream incessantly for a couple of nights but eventually it will stop. You must leave her in her crib until wake-up time the following morning. Do whatever you possibly can to tune out the screaming ; turn on the TV or CD player, sleep in a different part of the house as much out of earshot of her screaming as possible. She'll adapt soon enough. A few nights may seem like forever at the time but it isn't. In the end you'll be all the better off for it.