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full-timemommy · Jun 3, 2008, 08:01 PM

I'm also wondering if I can adopt my new husband's daughter. She has only known me as her mother for 2 years. Her real mother does not try to contact us about her daughter and it has been months since she last saw her or even called about her. I'm wondering if this can be done or not. The only rights her biological mother has are visitations when my husband agrees to it, the right to say we can't move out of state, and she pays child support. Just wondering if adopting her is possible.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 3, 2008, 08:05 PM

If they will sign over their rights to allow you to adopt, then you can.

mooviequeen13 · Jun 3, 2008, 10:08 PM

Yes, you can. If you don't know where she is it is easier. Some states will let you post it in the paper for three months and if she don't respond it is a done deal. My husband adopted my daughter. When he realized he wouldn't have to pay child support he couldn't sign the papers fast enough. He still sees her from time to time, but she feels more secure in our "family" now that he has no real claim on her.

I guess the real important question here is how old is she and is this what she wants? In court they asked my daughter questions like why do you want this guy to be your dad and is this really what you want? His was officially hers 3 days before her thirteenth birthday, she still says it is her best present ever. What ever you do get a lawyer before you approach the subject with her mom. You have to have your ducks in a row before this takes place. If your child wants to be amancipated from her mom at the appropriate age for her state, it helps if you already tried to adopt her. Keep a calendar of every time she calls or comes by. This will prove her diminished desire to be a part of her life. In the same instance if the daughter calls her write it down too. This proves that she is trying to provide herself with a mother figure whom isn't there for her and she has to contact. Keep track of how long they talk, whom breaks contact, and why. Either way this goes a good lawyer will make it work for you.

blackblue · Jun 17, 2008, 05:45 PM

I think it's kind of stupid that they post that in the paper.Not everyone reads it.

Synnen · Jun 17, 2008, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by blackblue

I think it's kind of stupid that they post that in the paper.Not everyone reads it.

And you would suggest... what? Getting a PI to track down a biological parent that hasn't been in touch in years, paid for by your taxes?

It's an attempt to contact a person who has been out of contact for some time. If you don't want to lose your parental rights for someone else to adopt, in my opinion, then you should make sure the court knows where you are, if no one else does. And you should REALLY make sure that you attempt to keep in contact with your child.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 17, 2008, 06:14 PM

The issue here is they know where she is, if she is paying child support each month, the courts would know where the money comes from.
And the court views paying the support as contact and if they are paying their child support, the court would not allow the adoption without them signing the rights away.

Synnen · Jun 17, 2008, 06:17 PM

Have to spread the love, Chuck... but great post.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 17, 2008, 06:31 PM

Yes, perhaps I read too much into the post, but they were saying they had not heard from, and had not seen, they never did say they did not know where they were and they did not say they did not know how to get hold of them. And in the last line it says "she pays child support"
Just not visiting is normally not a reason to take away their rights, in some states, not paying child support is not even a reason allowed to take away rights.

While I am sure this perosn would make a great parent, and in fact since they are going to raise the child they will be the parent even if there is never an adoption. But if the person is paying support, the court will know how to contact most likely.

RedneckMama · Jun 17, 2008, 06:40 PM

"I think it's kind of stupid that they post that in the paper.Not everyone reads it."

... That's kind of the point here...
... I mean, if what you mean by your post is that it's unfair to the absent parent that they're not notified directly... well, they have free will to exercise their parental rights--if they choose not to--if they choose to stay gone and someone else comes along willing to fulfill their obligation, at least the ad in the paper notifies the general public for a period, what more can an absent parent really ask for?