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beth911 · Jun 3, 2008, 12:01 AM

My bfs cousin died... they were pretty close. He was 19 and died of cancer and has a daughter. I don't want him to feel like I'm not there trying to help him through it escpecially because he keeps thinking I hate him when I don't. And I'm not the best at trying to help people or coming up with the right words to say.

Credendovidis · Jun 3, 2008, 04:39 AM

Dear beth911

It's unclear to me :

In "he keeps thinking i hate him when i dont" : do you mean with "he" your boyfriend?
You are indeed not coming up with the right words, it seems...
How can he think that way about you? And why is he than still your boyfriend?

Assuming you indeed want to help your boyfriend : just tell him what you feel about his cousin. That you like to help him with working that problem out. That you are there for him, etc. Be at your boyfriend's side during the burial/cremation (make sure you go there). Get a photograph of the cousin, and display it in the house.

beth911 · Jun 3, 2008, 06:35 PM

Ever since his cousin died its like he's just differnet. And now he seems to think he lost all he had. He doesn't realise that I'm here. And when I try telling him he just says things like that all a susddn. I can't go to the funeral, it was yesterday and his mom was there and we aren't aloud to talk to each other. He asked me for his cusins obituary, so I gave it to him. I don't know weather I should talk to him about it or not. Sometimes he seems OK. Other times he's just really sad. He said he almost cired and that he never felt that way before. The funny thing is... I never met his cousin but I feel like I'm feeling everything my boyfriend feels. And like I'm doing the crying for him. And I lose sleep at night over it. Sormetimes I'm fine but sometimes it kills me. And its all I think about. I try showing him I care but right now its like he doesn't even notice it. The day after his cousin died, we hung out and he was even laughing and seemed to have fun. But then yesterday he told me that he was too sad and he needed time to get over the death. That he didn't really feel like hanging out or anything. And he kept talking about how much it bothers him that he will never talk to him again or see him again. And I just didn't know what to say.

beth911 · Jun 3, 2008, 06:36 PM

Ever since a little over a year ago, my bfs mom won't let us talk. So she thinks we quit talking. And his parents don't treat him right. I don't want his dad to find out we still talk and beat him or kick him out now that he's 18.

beaubeaubajack · Jun 14, 2008, 12:30 AM

I believe that your friend needs you or any friend to be by his/her side, this doesn't entail any words or actions but show them that at anytime, you will try your best to be there to ta;l or hang with them when they just need a friend. Some times not a lot of words are needed just the effort is. Something even simpler may be to call once in a while and see how their day went. When your friend sees that you are making an effort it should help.