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Bikini__Kill · Jun 1, 2008, 05:38 PM

I met a really nice guy on Thursday during a night out with the girls. We got on together really well and ended up chatting 'til the early hours. At the end of the night, he asked for my phone number and said he'd text me on the Saturday, which he did. I replied to his message but he still hasn't responded. I did have a missed call last night from a number I don't recognise, so I suppose that could've been him, but I didn't bother texting it to ask. I'm not sure where to go from here though - do I send him another text message tomorrow or shall I just leave it and see if he gets in touch? I don't want to seem too pushy, but I'd also like to know if he's still interested or not. Ugh. Boys are so confusing. :p

Fr_Chuck · Jun 1, 2008, 05:47 PM

Persoally "texting" what ever happened to using a phone to actually call someone ( wild idea but I understands phones still do that)

Bikini__Kill · Jun 1, 2008, 06:46 PM

My question was about whether I should be the one to get in touch with him, not about anyone's personal opinions on texting versus calling.

I don't mind people suggesting that I do the latter instead, but there's no need to be rude about it.

Anyway, thank you for the sarcastic, and somewhat patronising, reply. You were beyond helpful. :rolleyes:

Fr_Chuck · Jun 1, 2008, 06:59 PM

No, it is just plain silly, if you want to talk to him or know what is going on, you pick up the phone and talk to him about it.

JBeaucaire · Jun 1, 2008, 10:35 PM

Let me try to shed light on this issue another way, please forgive the speech.

Text messages are a one-sided form of "attempted" communication. They do not and cannot represent information to another person the way YOU would do it voice-to-voice, or face-to-face.

Your mind and voice is a phenomena to behold. You can hear things in multiple levels. You can say "hello" and send 3 or 4 additional subliminal messages at the same moment. And add body language... oh, my! Don't get me started.

So Fr_Chuck is right suggesting that your REAL interest in this boy would be better served if you communicated in ways that allowed you to use all your skills. Texts are flat, and they are just messages. Real communication is a two-way process, and it is phenomenally rewarding when it is done in real-time, interactively.

===============
Ok, speech over. Now as to your basic question: "Do I send another text message or leave it and let him get in touch?" I, too, am sorry you feel these are your only two options. They limit you to

a) sending another emotionless, non-interactive "message" and hopes it does something
b) puts you in holding mode wondering and waiting while you watch the clock until he calls

Those both sound awful to me. I would still suggest a third option:

c) CALL him directly, don't leave a voice message, but if you get HIM on the phone, talk directly, be pleasant, and invite him to something specific in the coming weeks.

That's real communication, and you win all the way around when you do it personally.
================

If you absolutely MUST communicate only through texts, then I say text away. No need to wait on someone else to get the job done.

Each text, however, should really say something substantive.

Reasoning:
My daughter treats texts like a "summons". She says very little in them, basically instructing others to stop what they're doing and text back. It's very disheartening to read some of the ones she sends to me. Some are very cute, but she ALWAYS expects me to answer in kind and actually punishes me when I don't/can't.

brookeleigh · Jun 1, 2008, 10:41 PM

Forget their advice..
I'd wait it out girl... He will get in touch with you if he's worth it.

Kia · Jun 3, 2008, 10:51 AM

Yeah I agree. Hed most likely got your text message. Just wait, if he didn't he'll call eventually and leave a message if he doesn't get you. If he doesn't ever respond then he wasn't interested enough.

Kia · Jun 3, 2008, 10:52 AM

And you should let it go

liz28 · Jun 3, 2008, 03:44 PM

I don't see anything wrong with giving him a call. He might be waiting for you to call so your both might be playing the waiting call.

I was in this situation with my boyfriend but I called and months later we starting a relationship, a phone don't hurt. If he don't answer leave a brief message and if he don't call back then he's not interested.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 10, 2008, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Bikini__Kill

I met a really nice guy on Thursday during a night out with the girls. We got on together really well and ended up chatting 'til the early hours. At the end of the night, he asked for my phone number and said he'd text me on the Saturday, which he did. I replied to his message but he still hasn't responded. I did have a missed call last night from a number I don't recognise, so I suppose that could've been him, but I didn't bother texting it to ask. I'm not sure where to go from here though - do I send him another text message tomorrow or shall I just leave it and see if he gets in touch? I don't want to seem too pushy, but I'd also like to know if he's still interested or not. Ugh. Boys are so confusing. :p

Let him contact you. Guys should ALWAYS initaite things. If he is interested trust me he will call you... and if you really dig him don't fall for him over a text message.

liz28 · Jun 10, 2008, 02:14 PM

If you want something you go and get it, just girls sit around and wait on a guy to call that guy could be doing the same thing. While your sitting waiting another girl that bolds will be stepping up.

Neve sit around waiting for a guy to call you because you losing time. If you want something/someone you should let them know. A phone call never hurts.

mimi03 · Jun 10, 2008, 04:51 PM

I agree with Liz... def. try calling him but don't just sit there waiting!
The guy could be a little shy (my boyfriend was) and a woman taking the initiative shows confidence and most importantly it shows interest... there are so many poss. Reasons he didn't call/text you back so I won't get into that...
Bottom line: You won't know if this could be something until you try! If it isn't ~No Big Deal!

Kia · Jun 11, 2008, 08:19 AM

I don't agree. So what if another girl steps up. If he's really feeling her, he would still call and leave a message because he is interested & wants to know more about her. If all it takes to forget about her is another girl talking to him, then he isn't interested enough in the first place.

BMI · Jun 11, 2008, 08:44 AM

I say wait. HE asked for YOUR number thus indicating the onus was on him to call. I will say texting someone as a first communication is odd but perhaps it is less nerve wracking and that maybe why it was a text rather than a call. Nevertheless, the ball is in his court and he knows that.

Look at it this way, if he likes you and wants to pursue something he will contact you, if he doesn't like you than he won't. I don't know of too many guys (none) that would be interested in a girl and then not call her ever just because she didn't contact when it is obvious that responsibility falls on him. I'll wager almost anything that he knows he's the one to call next, its how society operates:)

If he's not interested there is little a call from you is going to do to change that, it will only reveal your cards to him and then he can really call whenever he feels like it.

liz28 · Jun 11, 2008, 12:22 PM

I only said what I stated earlier due another member comment on the first page Kia. If you read what I wrote on the 1st page you would see that.

I don't remember the person name off hand but she/he suggest that she sit and wait no matter how long. There's nothing wrong with a women showing interest a guy by giving him a call and after a 2nd call if he don't respond he not interested and she needs to move on, again I said that already. Like mimi, I too was the 1st one to make a move and I don't regret it, if your confident enough to do this there nothing wrong you might get rejected but that's life, you can always get what you want.

BMI · Jun 11, 2008, 12:49 PM

I agree Liz.

I just don't think that it fits into this particular situation. To me its obvious that the guy ask for her number and so has taken the initiative to produce the first call. Texting is not an acceptable cover for not calling and so he still needs to call. Her calling him at this point, in my opinion, would not produce much. If he does not call he is not interested, if you call him you are going to find that out the hard way. Also, it is tooearly to suggesthe is not going to call to make a move on phoning him.

Stand firm. Rent a movie:)

mimi03 · Jun 11, 2008, 01:17 PM

This is being blown way out of proportion! Being an adult means taking care of yourself amongst other things, going for what you want etc. etc.
Dating in some cultures(and sometimes age groups) allows for women to sit back and wait for a man to come to them and do all of the work but the truth is, Going after what you want does apply to dating and women too... She wants to know if he's interested so there is absolutely nothing wrong with her getting in contact with him to find out! Playing games are just immature and a waist of time: whether it's the sit by the phone and wait game or guess that the opportunity is real only if it reveals itself to you game or even the "guys should make the first move" game... Dont play games with your dating life, You take control of it!
Besides it's such a waist of time to sit and wait and wonder or rent a movie and sit and wait and bite your nails... finding out will free you whether it's the answer you want or don't want---But having the answer is so much better than guessing!

Kia · Jun 12, 2008, 07:32 AM

I understand your point but I think that men like a challenge to some degree as well. If you want to call that "playing games" then you can, but most men think that way. There are a few men who don't feel this way, and I guess she could pursue him and find out if she wants. But on the other hand; how would she know if the guy sees her as special, and not just being polite when she hunted him down in the first place when he wasn't even thinking about her enough to call after they met. If he's really too shy or scared to pick up the phone, what does that say about him anyway. That to me would be a turnoff because he would be a guy who needs to grow a backbone.

.

liz28 · Jun 12, 2008, 01:50 PM

Everyone is entitle to their own decision. I have one question for, why do you think it something wrong with go after a guy and preferred to make a "love spell" on someone? I think that is wrong and to the extreme to get a guy.

taytortot · Jun 14, 2008, 10:29 AM

No!! You don't seem pushy at all if he didn't get it send something else like when he called you say did you call me but no he won't think your pushy at all but don't send too much if you want to talk just talk on the phone