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I'm going through a similar situation. My man told me he needs time. I always find myself wanting to text or call, but recently I have not and that has hin calling to check up on me. If you fail to show him how vulnerable you truly are and how much you want him back, he may open his eyes. Like the old saying goes: You don't know what you have until it's gone. If he doesn't come around, maybe your better off. Just don't give him the satisfaction to know how bad your hurting.
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Let me say this : I don't think changing your number is the way to go.Why go into all this trouble of changing numbers and informing everyone just so you can avoid someone?It shows that someone has all this power on you and your life even after the break.F that.I'm not going to change my life around so that I can avoid anyone.Just don't answer.Simple,no?
I say again,this whole deal is a chance for a trip inside yourself.Unpleasant thoughts always find someway to your mind,making you wonder who's really in control,you over your mind or your mind over you?And which is which?. It's going to be a sucky time,that's a given.Why not make something out of it,like working out like crazy? Personally I've been windsurfing like crazy,playing tennis,swimming,going to the gym,going for long runs etc.Sure beats staying in all the time feeling like sh!t.. I strongly recommend taking care of your body,it will help feel better in general.I have been receiving a lot of interest from women,and although I'm really not interested in any of them right now since my mind,heart and soul are not clear yet,it does feel nice to know that.Listening to a lot of music.. Just do stuff,read books,paint,play the guitar,whatever works for you,whatever you enjoy. Go |
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 Originally Posted by ka1111
Yea, I'm not going to change my number. The problem is, I actaully want to hear from him again. That's where I get into trouble. I haven't yet reached the point yet where I don't want to talk to him. Given the circumstances, I know it's not healthy. But I still love him. |
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Originally Posted by confused1145
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Originally Posted by Lilyloo
More time,more time has to pass,it's still too soon.. |
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Im going through the same thing girl, Just remember that we all go through breakups and WE STILL SURVIVE! Don't let him bring you down to the point that you lose yourself.
Me and mine were together 3 years and had a child... thats especially tough! You will make it! I promise! |
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Originally Posted by ka1111
So when she texts you, you don't respond? Does she continue to text you after that? I tried to ignore him the other night when he started texting, and he got kind of passive aggressive which I thought was odd. He was like "oh, no answer.....ok." Very confusing behavior. I mean he dumped me! What does he expect? Sigh... :confused: |
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We mans are sometimes really jerks.
OK. He did finished the relationship. It was his decision - so let him eat that and digest it alone. Don't make him know what you feel right now, give him a freeze Even if you like to get some message from him, don't answer and don't let him know that you like to get messages. It looks a lot like he is 'trying' you. Some guy's think a relationship is like a game where they have to play with the girl a little from time to time. By showing no sign's of deadly unhappy or close to get nut's you kill his intentions and if he still loves you he will try to come back. You have to find the balance between setting your rules for the future with him and not making it look like a dictatorship. He just has to understand that you talk serious stuff when it comes to your relationship, no room for games. If this doesn't work out, drop it and go on with your life. G. |
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Originally Posted by Lilyloo
I believe that she,like so many people and probably your guy too,is scared Sh!tless.I think that people like that are governed by fear.Fear of feeling,letting go,getting hurt,fear of losing control,fear of me seeing her vulnerability which she hides proficiently behind huge walls of pseudo-confidence and false ego.So they run away. But then they realise what they are running away from.They miss it.They know it doesn't come every day.They find it hard to erase it.So they call and text and stuff.Just to keep it alive and convince themselves it was true. They are too weak to go and be gone but terrified of staying. Fear prevails in the end. |
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Lily,
I feel your pain. He is texting you and trying to contact you because he feels guilty. He wants to know if you are there, hurting with him. Remember the saying "Misery loves company"? Well its true. Just like you would love to talk to him and find out he is miserable, he would like the same. The difference - your strong enough to know better. Your strong enough not to let it happen. You know better than to put yourself back a few steps and have to relive those feelings of the last week and a half. You don't want that, so you Won't let it happen. Good for you. Ignore his phone calls, he will get the hint. The text's mean NOTHING. Don't read into them, that's not helpful. I know that's MUCH easier said then done. My mind is my own worse enemy, which is why you need to remain busy. You had fun, and like JB said: KEEP DOING THAT. That way, you can not think about him without thinking about not thinking about him. Does that make sense?? Oh, and ka1111
She hides proficiently behind huge walls of pseudo-confidence and false ego.So they run away.
But then they realise what they are running away from.They miss it.They know it doesn't come every day.They find it hard to erase it.So they call and text and stuff.Just to keep it alive and convince themselves it was true. They are too weak to go and be gone but terrified of staying. Fear prevails in the end. |
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Rules to live by in a relationship
• Don’t live by someone else’s standards, only your own. • men love men that give off a devil-may-care quality and have an edge. • A dreaman won’t kill himself to impress anyone. • A nice girl/boy makes the mistake of being available all the time. • get back to him when you are free • see him when its convenient for you • has no clue where the relationship is going and leaves it like that • A man will always want what he can’t have. • hold yourself with dignity and pride • believe you are a catch • trying too hard gives the impression you are desperate • don’t be mothering • Love yourself and don’t want anyone that doesn’t want you. • Ignore him and he is intrigued; make him the center of attention all the time and he runs. • When you don’t pay attention, his more intrigued and chase you even more • If you don’t make him feel locked down, he'll come your way. • If you try to corner him, he'll bolt • fun equals freedom • give the appearance that he has plenty of space; will drop his guard • If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so. • Men are attracted to someone who can speak their mind. • Begin a relationship with a voice • Space is very important. Makes you look proud rather than desperate. You remain a challenge, because you choose to be w/ him, you didn't need to be. • Independence rather than dependence. • That you can hold your own • demand treatment as if you are worthwhile • be slightly standoffish • be sexy, don’t try to be sexy • play by your own rules • Be unpredictable. • Reassure in 2 areas: 1.that he is sexually desirable to you and (2) that he sees that he’s still in the game • give kisses that are sexy and sensual • smile allot, be happy • Compliment him; let him know he’s desirable to you. Tell him he looks great • don’t be needy • Be secure with yourself, that he doesn’t feel like he has 100 a hold on you. • Eliminate these words: “we need to talk” • Tell it like it is in a matter of fact way. • Be relaxed, secure and happy with him or with out him. Be happy go lucky • he should always feel free to go • leave some questions unanswered • don’t stop going to the gym or your lifestyle to accommodate him • don’t stop spending time with friends and family • don’t check messages too often • focus on work • don’t check emails constantly • don’t stop moving at your own rhythm • do not abandon your routines • don’t put pressure him so that he’ll want to be around you • value your priorities • stay boss of yourself • act as your own guide/boss • you don’t need his approval for anything • Have more confidence, some else’s mood doesn’t have much impact on you. • Only give when reciprocal • When a relationship starts lightning speed, at some point someone will pull back to regain the need for space. • Stay in control • The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. • Once you lose your rhythm, you lose your psychological equilibrium an you become needy. • Power is the control you have over yourself. • When someone is being too cocky, they are trying too hard to convince that they are stronger that they really are. • When treated with disrespect and you take it, they begin to loose respect for you. • Prioritize yourself over melting into someone else. “No” means no. • Be clear and direct of what you need without second-guessing yourself • Don’t wait more than ½ hour for anyone. Leave and you will get respect and it won’t happen again. Remember, you are a prize! • Know who you are and what you will or will not accept • Having self-control because true power is the control you have over yourself • When you have control over yourself, you don’t need to be emotional all the time. – stay the boss of you. • People get spooked by too much sappy emotional talk, particularity early on in the relationship. • Do not send tear-jerker cards early on. • Don’t pout or whimper when you don’t receive calls. Make them wonder every now and then what you are doing and why you are not together. When you regulate the timing, it keeps them wanting and it charges up the batteries. • Never call more than once in arrow or too much. • Don’t leave mushy messages; keep the messages friendly, short and sweet. • Don’t email more than once in a row or send emails about feelings, issues and what you need that you are not getting. Don’t respond to emails immediately every time. • Don’t stop eating, socializing, sleeping and exercising. • Avoid last minute dates because you miss him • Don’t walk in the door, check your messages or call right back. Settle in, eat dinner and relax, move at your own rhythm and then call back. He has to know you have a life. • Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a call. • Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him. • If ignored, don’t try harder to get attention. • Stay focused on your life. Stay sassy, perky and happy. • Stay ever so slightly just outside a persons reach, because it charges up the batteries. • Don’t be governed by fear of losing a man, because a real price to pay is when you loose yourself. • If you feel you are going to resent something after you give, don’t give it. • Give only what feels comfortable to give. • It’s better to give and receive • Love yourself first • Never say, “We never spend time together” this is a sign to person that he/she has a right where he wants you. Don’t be needy. • If taken for granted, pull back a little with no explanation, it catches the person off guard and gets their attention big-time. • Avoid being a “mother”, transition back to being a “lover” • Win him back by acting as though you can take him or leave him. • Treat him casually as though your friend and he’ll come your way because he wants things to be romantic and he wants to be the pursuer. • Alter the pattern that has become convenient for him; pull back without an attitude and without warning. • Don’t be a , be kind and strong. • If it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a compliment in disguise. He wants you so much that he doesn’t want to appear too obvious about it. • When you act as if you don’t care, it will scare him. • Get creative and don’t be predictable talking about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one. • Never sit home waiting for a call from a guy or that he’s your whole life. It’s like waiting for water to boil. • Live by your own rules. • Move to your own rhythm instead of moving to the beat of some else’s drum. • Decide how you want to be treated. • Choose what you will or will not tolerate. • Discreetly leave if you don’t get what you want. • No one person should be doing all the giving. • Don’t give too much • Getting a life will make it seem like you are no longer impetuous, or impatient. When you are relaxed, you’ve take the “need” out of the equation. You no longer appear needy and strong, which immediately changes the dynamic of a stale relationship. • If you want to renew the challenge, it is imperative to continue the activities you did before he came to the scene. • When you will not drop everything to be with him, your appear as though you have more going for you. • Never stop living you life. You are happy with or without him, this will keep you just outside his reach. |
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Where's my pill for heartbreak.getting worse.
Well the thing is, if you've read my other posts... I'm trying to deal with my boyfriend dumping me about a week ago after becoming distant witihin the last month. We got along very well, I thought things were progressing then he says that he can't juggle a GF with all of his problems... has too much going on, etc. This was after being together for a few months and after meeting his family and becoming close. Bam, he doesn't want to be with me anymore.
So, I haven't been contacting him... in fact he texted me over the weekend that he "misses me" and really screwed up my head. The thing is, and I know this is not good... he is still one of my friends on my myspace page. I know that sounds juvenile, but I only keep my page because it's a great way to keep up with friends and also my brother who is out of state. Anyway, I haven't been looking at his page, but I do look at my friends status updates, and he changed his tonight to "blissful". Oh ****ing great! I am sitting here with my heart in pieces, barely making it from day to day and he left me in the dust and now he is blissful?! I know, I know, what else should I expect right? I was so good to him, and he just threw me away like nothing. I wish I could turn off my feelings. :( :( |
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Look, you need to realize that yes it is over. I know this seems harsh, but we have all been there.
As far as the myspace is concerned... you use it to contact some of your friends right? Maybe you should think about deleting him for your friends list. I know it may seem insensitive and harsh, but it might be the best thing for you to do. If you don't see this happening, then stop looking at his profile. It will only kill you. It will be hard and kill you just as much to not do it, but you won't be knowing what else is going on. The reason he probably changed his to "blissful" is to get a rise out of you. Or he is just trying to pick himself back up. He was probably equally as hurt as you are. He just decided he didn't want to sit around and wait for a while. I am sorry to hear about this happening. Ending long relationships is hard. We have all been there. Its even harder when you seem to play the victim. It all depends on how fast you decide to get on with your life. I know everyone tells you that and everyone will continue too. Trust me Ex's will use myspace to get you to notice them. To make you jealous. I had to completely delete mine. Yea it sucked, but it needed to be done. I kept looking at her profile and it made me want to break down constantly. Do what is best for YOU! Not him |
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[QUOTE=bigbird213]Lily,
I feel your pain. He is texting you and trying to contact you because he feels guilty. He wants to know if you are there, hurting with him. Remember the saying "Misery loves company"? Well its true. Just like you would love to talk to him and find out he is miserable, he would like the same. Well last night, I was on myspace (I know, I know) and I didn't look at his page but I looked at my friends mood updates. He put his mood as "blissful"! I know I shouldn't put much stock in what I see on myspace, but it really hurt me. I am sitting here in pieces and he is blissfully happy? Just really hurts. |
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I'm glad my ex never had myspace... But you should listen to Fixer12.. If you can't control yourself and not look at his profile then delete him from yours... now u feel like after you saw his new status.. thats why you need to delete him, its going to hurt but it doesn't help having contact or knowing how "good he's doing", it breaks u even more!.
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Originally Posted by Lilyloo
Don't go looking for info about people, don't even go looking near people where you might accidentally find info. Your mind is going to be going nuts now thinking about it, and you don't need that. That's the entire point of NC |
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Lily, perhaps wishing him well IS what you want, especially for your own heart's healing. He's moved on and is working on his future...
Ask yourself HONESTLY, do you want him to be unhappy? Truly? I bet you don't. When you can sincerely wish good on those who you feel have hurt you in some way, then you are an excellently mature and deserving person on whom much good will descend. Count on it! |
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