[rauf]

Hello All,

I have recently started to correspond with a Russian lady. The more I think about it the more apprehensive I get. After the physical appearance (I have to fancy someone in the first place), I am trying to consider the personal compatibility (psychological, emotional, type traits). I am sure the older I get the more critical I am getting (I think I am getting cynical and quite easily annoyed too). How will I know? What on Earth am I going to do? Thank you.

Rauf

[Fr_Chuck]

Many of the oversea dating (introducion) sites are fruads as I am sure you are aware. That sexy 18 year old in the photo may be anyone and the person answering the emails or regular mail is the 55 year old man named Burno.

Of course on the other side many are merely looking for either someone to send funds or to find someone that will marry them to help them gain citizenship.

If for example this is a real person really looking for someone, they will be looking for someone to improve their situation where they are at. Or they have been convinced that all Americans are rich and want the better life.

That is not to say people do not have love over the internet, many people find another and do marry.

But it is not based on looks, but based on personality and what you learn about the person by long chats online, by long emails,and by phone calls.
(calling Russia is easy and not really expensive, I call some church members there on a regular basis)

Only you can tell if this is for you, and if you can afford it also. If you are getting serious, you will have a couple of trips at least to make over there.

[fredg]

Hi,
You might re-consider this. There are many, many great American women looking for men online; much closer to home, and some very close to you, if in the US.
Sure you want to do this? If you live in the US, this is going to cost you much money for traveling! It also might turn out to be "not true" with her.
I do wish you the best of luck.

[rauf]

Fr_Chuck. I wanted to thank you for your advice but I couldn't rate your comment. Thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

That is fine, I don't even look at ratings or even truly understand how all of them work.

I do say now that you can find women women on the internet, actually I found my wife online. But it was not a dating service, we bumped into each other on a instant message service she liked my log on name) We chatted on line ( not exchanging photos) for about 3 months before I was in her area on work. ( about 300 miles away)

But with that same note, I also meet a self proclaimed witch that said he put a spell on me so I would only love her, another lady that had ( well lets just say tastes that were beyond my desires) and another who after the third date brought along her girlfriend to meet me also. And the one who by the 2nd or 3rd date had already planned my carrerr out for me, including who I needed to meet and so on. And the one who on the first date was talking wedding plans( first and only date for her)

Yes and the one who forgot to mention her child and husband at home, so I would say that you can't first believe a lot of the people online talking about thierself, But if you chat on line enough you should find where they are at and what they are about.

[scaredgal]

I have to agree with the previous posters. I did the online dating scene for quite some time before I met someone I felt I could be with for the rest of my life. I did meet a few in person over time but always in a public place at first and I would insist that we just exchange emails for at least a couple weeks before I would do that. It helped weed out the ones that were just looking for sex or just wanted a woman not necessarily the woman for them.

I actually saw my fiance's profile on a dating site and didn't think we would end up together because I was in VA and him in WI. I just liked his interests and thought we could be friends. We emailed back and forth for about 3 weeks then he asked for my number and we talked on the phone and emailed for another 4 months before he came to meet me. He stayed in a hotel in town and I took him sightseeing and such for about a week. We continued talking and emailing for another 3 months before I decided to relocate to WI. I got my own apartment in a city near him and we dated like a regular couple would for a few months before we got engaged. Several months after that we moved in together and have been living together now about 5 months. Hope to marry before 2007 but I am in no desperate hurry.

I guess my point is it can happen online as long as both people are mature adults and are interested in finding someone they can be friends with first. I have had friends of mine find guys and girls online and jump into moving in with them right away. It always ends badly for what I can see because a person can appear to be anything they want online but the real person you would need to live with can be totally different.

I would be scared to do the foreign brides thing because of what FR CHUCK mentioned most of the women may not be what they appear in the photos and may just want a green card, rich hubby or plan to divorce you once they are citizens. Who knows? I know sometimes it works out but that is a rare occurrence. I think if you are going to do online dating you should do it in a way that has you both on equal ground. Instead of you forking over all this money to have a chance to maybe be with this girl.

[jc105]

I think your cynical/easily annoyed attitude could use some re-evaluation and that may give you a lead into meeting girls in the 'real world'. Not that internet dating can't get you places, but face to face can be more challenging, but conversely more rewarding.

If you know you hold bad traits that women wouldn't want, why not change?

There is a girl for every guy. What they look like should be what gets you into a conversation, but what they say and how they act will keep you there.

And how well you click will determine if you will be together forever, not if you purchase her online like an xbox.

A submissive girl would kill me. No opinions, no needs, just kind of floating along with you. Not my idea of a dream date no matter how hot she is.

That's my opinion, but you don't sound like you care too much about 'feelings'. I would recommend looking into a lifestyle change, maybe not your job, but just an attitude and environment change. Not feeling 'comfortable' with life can make you act in a more personable way, mellows people out to be thrown out of there routine, and it is how people cope with that, that shows how strong a person can be. You should do something different or adventurous to liven yourself up a bit.

JC

[Cgirl]

I agree JC105! You should focus on women here in the U.S.
And looks are important to most people, what's attractive is up to each individual person, but it's what's inside their heart and brain that counts, and I can prettymuch guarantee you that the person you are contacting isn't in it for what's inside of your heart and mind, she(or he for that matter) is in it for something else

[GenomeX]

rauf... there are loads of people that marry russian women online (my old neighbour had a russian (or somewhere from east europe) wife... not sure if they met online but they were pretty smoookin!). Yeah sure american girls are great, but a lot of us want something foreign (everybody prefers foreign food, cars, style, etc... so yeah a lot of us prefer foreign women!). I also heard that foreign / russian women can be far more faithful (the idea of being unfaithful actually never crosses their minds). Also having a relationship with a foreign woman means that your having a relationship with someone a little more 'special' than the locals - I've never interacted with a foreign woman before (with a foreign accent).. but I would sure love to (totally dig the east european accents)!

[rauf]

Thank you all for your invaluable comments. I realise now that my problem has been that I have never (since around the age of 17) been single. Having a partner made me feel complete- I provide, fix things, take out the garbage, and keep those other unwanted males away. So my quest continues; I have started speed dating! Which is more fun and closer to home. I do recommend it (if your single of course). Sounds like another post? I am from England by the way.

[Sunnyday35]

Hey man, you can find a decent girl, that's not a big deal. Just be super careful and don't act silly. Nobody will scam you if you don't let yourself being scammed:). You might find this website useful - there are a lot of experienced guys over there, who'll be eager to help you!