[TwinkletOes26]

Quote : Twinklet, why are you still living with your mother?

Just Graduated (transfering from one school to another was a BADDD idea lol) so I'm looking for a job so hopefully ill be moved out in 6 months after I find a job yahhh... trust me if I could move today I would... shes way too controlling do you know I wasn't allowed to wear tampons when I started my period because she thought I might start having sex.The only reason I wanted to wear tampons was because they were easier to dispose ofI also wasn't allowed to take swimming lesson because she swore up and down the people at the rec center would drown me because I was blk I never learned swim... but hopefully 6 more months and I can move away.

[startover22]

Oh goodness Twinklet... I hope you work extra hard to move on your own. This is not good for you

(I just can't get your name right can I... I apologize);)

[TwinkletOes26]

I also was not allowed to join spanish club in 9th grade because she said I was just using it as a way to meet up w/my boyfriend and have sex (I was a 15 yrs old and considered a "nerd" I had no bf) I just wanted to join spanish club because at the end of the yr you get to ride a float... and just now my good friend abby is in town for one night and wanted to go out to eat. I out of repsect for my mama (like you good folks say I shuld do) I asked her if she minded if I went out with her and she said no because they may have drugs in the car(nevermind none of my friends do drugs she just doesn't like my friends because they are white she has no problem when its my black friends I want to go out with just the white ones because she says that blk and white people can't be friends because white folks will always think they are better than me and like I said we go to church) so did I disrespect her and leave anyway nope I stayed home so I am here miserable and hoping the department of labor calls soon.

[startover22]

How was the time that you weren't living with her? If you are living in her house, you both should have started this with some ground rules, like mom if I move in here, I need some privacy, daughter if you move in here, I need you not to wear that dress... Like that, you guys should sit down and talk about things, I tell you one thing, if my mother was like that, I would be gone before she could blink. Get a roommate, work two jobs. I did that and struggled just so I could be on my own. I finally caught up with everything and it worked. I am not telling you to leave right away, but 6 months is a while to be able to move out!

[mimi03]

Like others have said maybe you could find a nice white cardigan like so:
dELiAs > Tracy Cardigan Sweater > apparel > sweaters but wow I feel for you having to live at home right now...
*Best Wishes*

[TwinkletOes26]

When I stayed on campus it was great I was free to do what I wanted and didn't have any one breathing down my neck. I didn't get into any trouble while I lived on campus I drank but in moderation and I kept up with my grades and was successful but she still doesn't trust me... she once called me at 6 in the morning to yell at me because she found out I smoked cigarretts (after having bronchitis I've learned to quit)6 monhs is about how long its going to take to get a job, buy a car(im carless and live in rural ga no public transportation),get a roomie,and GET A LIFE lol

[startover22]

Seriously, your mother is far too involved in your life. I would even go as far as too say this will never end unless you put an end to it. You will have to go through 6 months of BS and as far as I am concerned, that is way to long. On the other hand, it is her house, so... you are stuck unless you decide to get two or even three jobs to get out of there quicker! I suppose it is up to you!;)

[TwinkletOes26]

I'm prayin the labor dept calls soon they say theyd call w/in two weeks and I'm hoping a friend of mine may be able to get me a job with her as a secretary... start over you think those stories were incredible those were the tame ones don't get me started on how she she made me break up with my very first boyfriend (I was 14)bc he was white and I was blk. She said because she taught in the town where I went to school her boss would fire her because they wouldn't approve of my relationship with a "white boy"... or when I first started my period I was highly irregular and one month I missed my period she made me take a pregnancy test (I was 10 yrs old) I barely knew anything about sex I didn't even know how you had sex... lets just say recalling it still makes me want to cry. I was a scared 10 yr old peeing on stick while my mama yelled at me about being pregnant.THEN when she couldn't read the first test she made me go with her to the store to get another test... of course the results were I wasn't pregnant she apologized(yrs later) but its horribe to do a child like that especially one that was as young as me at the time

[startover22]

I agree... I think it is all terrible, and I would be gone. Don't you have a friend or anyone to be room mates with or something? I wouldn't be waiting on anyone to get me a job, I would be gone to search every day and getting the heck out of there. I suppose its easier said than done, and I do understand. I would just do everything possible to get the heck out. Go babysit during the day in town, or go to the local store, see if they need help, I don't know, I would just get out of there;)
You are welcome to share your stories here, just know that. And remember that venting is a good thing, if you end up needing to stay that full 6 months you are going to need to vent. BUT, if you don't work very hard to get out of your situation, then no one is really going to want to sit here and hear you complain. I think you need to work really hard on getting two jobs!

[liz28]

I am sorry to say this about your mom she sounds like my grandmother and she was a mess. She too makes a big deal that I go out with a white guy, I'm black, and think the worst, I mean horrible stuff.I realize it because the era she grew in and lack of education. She was and still is controlly and I just limited my time with her in person and on the phone.

Once you get a job, claim the job and it your. You going get a job to get a place and get out of the wings of your mother. What state do you live in and sorry for all the unnecessary things your mind put you through. I use to thing my grandma was bipolar.

[mimi03]

Twinkle, she sounds too much like my grandmother too, lol... she's a bit hyper-religious, paranoid and to be very blunt I think she's (my gram) crazy...
The sad thing is that they don't know how much their controlling behavior pushes the people they're trying to protect (if that's what they call it) away...
I hope everything falls into place for you. Maybe then you can have a honest discussion about her boundaries with you because you are an adult now and all of her rules do not apply to you anymore. And when you do leave don't allow her to still have control, if she calls you at 6 in the morning don't answer, let her leave a voice mail... if it's an emergency call her back if not don't even feed into the nonsense!

[Wondergirl]

WHY would you want to wear it to church? What would be the point?

I vote no. Or, like the others said, wear a sweater and don't take the sweater off until you get home again!

[TwinkletOes26]

Wondergirl I want to wear it because it's a nice cool dress to wear in a hot poorly air conditioned church and because to me it's a cute dress that's not inappropriate in the least I guess the point would be I am a 26 yr old and should be allowed to decide what I put on my person especially since I bought it (with what little money I got left over from financial aid all 100 dollars whoop whoop). Don't get me wrong I love my mama and I know she loves me but its just hard because she's so controlling... she not only controls me but she controls my stepdad as well... do you know she reprimanded him for listening to secular while she's in the car with him lol. She once tried to choke me for "venting"when I was at home for the summer to my then boyfriend when I was 21 about how she ruined the family vacation to disney world because she spent most of it yelling at my stepdad because he filmed female dancers in the park during a street performance because she says he was lusting after them.I don't know if he was are not but she should have waited until later to yell (at least until I wasn't in the room) she brought me into it asking me did I see him lusting. She said I was spreading their business and that my boyfriend would care enough about them to tell everyone he knew(like they would care enough) about her yelling at my stepdad

[Wondergirl]

I feel your pain, Twinkle, but you do live in their house right now and they are your parents.

I know this will bore you to death, but I'm someone who grew up in the Dark Ages before ac was thought of beyond movie theaters, so we girls and women wore rubberized girdles and hot nylons with seams and churchy dresses made of nylon. We were, like, wrapped in Saran Wrap. And during church we used little paper fans (donated by the local funeral home). Oh, yeah. This was in North Carolina. In the summer.

So you see, I do understand your need to be cool. But please reread my first sentence. When you're on your own, you can dress as you wish.

[TwinkletOes26]

I hate to sound cliché but "when i have kids" I hope I would not be trying to instruct my 26 yr old adult child how to dress of course I'm probably going to be a pretty liberal parent as a result of how I was raised so strict... two last venting stories lol : when I was 18 she found out that I (with money from my summer job no less) bought a vibrator because she was rummaging through my room(she did and still does this) and found it and threw it away saying "the lord revealed to her that i was sticking foreign objects in me and this was sinful" I just went out and bought another one and still have it I may get another one just because I know she doesn't approve lol... heres the last one my first college I attended was a two year so it was easier to just commute so I lived at home. Well when I was 22 I went to a halloween party (I was only allowed to go because my mom said she said she wanted me to see how sinful parties r) so I went and when the party was over I called her to tell her I was coming home but I was going to be a little late because of a police road block(they were stopping people to catch drunk drivers) well I arrived at 100am(note I was 22 or 23 at the time and I had called a million times to let her know I was ok) she was there waiting and she asked me how did I like the party and I told her it was fun. She flipped out screaming saying that if I wanted to party I needed to live on campus(note this was the only party I had ever been to up until then) and she spent the rest of that weekend making remarks about how I was a party animal and would look at me and roll her eyes... all this after she said I could go she was just mad because I had fun at a halloween party.

[Wondergirl]

im prolly gonna be a pretty liberal parent as a result of how i was raised

I'll match you story for story. My parents didn't believe in dancing--Satan was waiting for teens and young adults to become inflamed with passion--so I was never allowed to attend one high school dance. Not one. I couldn't wait to go off to college, which I did when I was still 17. I thought I had it all figured out. Beep! Wrong!

I'll check back with you when your daughters are approaching their teens. I'm betting you will not be a liberal parent. I thought that same way too when I was your age.

[TwinkletOes26]

Quote: Satan was waiting for teens and young adults to become inflamed with passion

LOL that is a new one.. my grandma never allowed my mama to play cards she said playing cards no matter if it was go fish or war cards were sinful

I mean liberal as in I'm not going to go nuts if my 14 yr old wants to meet her friends at the movie theater to see a movie or if my 18 yr old daughter has a vibrator I won't throw it away especially if she bought it w/her own money lol

[Wondergirl]

i mean liberal as in im not gonna go nuts if my 14 yr old wants to meet her friends at the movie theater to see a movie or if my 18 yr old daughter has a vibrator i wont throw it away especially if she bought it w/her own money lol

I can't wait! Be sure to post here when these things happen.

[mimi03]

I hate to sound cliche but "when i have kids" i hope i would not be trying to instruct my 26 yr old adult child how to dress of course im prolly gonna be a pretty liberal parent as a result of how i was raised so strict....

I encourage you to be a liberal parent be responsible of course but there's nothing wrong with taking the mistakes your mom made and continues to make with you and use them as motivation to do and be better...

Like I said earlier my gram sounds a lot like your mother and did some pretty insane things to my mother and her siblings from mental terror to physical abuse... my mom said she'd never be like her mother, in some ways she is but for the most part she is very liberal and most of my friends envied me for this and loved my mom for this...

So, being a liberal parent is possible... teach your children right from wrong, responsibility, accountability, and love and they'll not only be closer to you but be better prepared for real life!

Now my mom didn't give me alcohol or do anything nutty like that but we talked about my curfew and agreed upon a time, she didn't look over my shoulder when I had responsibilities so I learned how to make the best choices myself, I think my siblings and I benefited greatly from this style of parenting...