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Reicheru-006 · May 28, 2008, 01:00 PM

First of all, my boyfriend and I have been going out for a few months and we've kissed and stuff and yeah. Well he's been talking about stuff that's soooo far in the future that I don't know if I'll be ready for that for at least 5 years. I'm kind of scared to tell him that I just want to live it up while I'm young and still want to go to collage and stuff but I don't want to send the wrong message that I don't want to be with him. I sertianly hope we stay together that long so that stuff could happen but I think he's moving waaay too fast. How do I just tell him without sending the wrong message because he's really sensative and insacure sometimes and I don't want to make it sound like I wouldn't like that stuff... I just don't want that in my life right now. I just want to have a good time and that's all he really talks about. Is he just being a guy with that kind of thing or is it me? I'm so confused right now I don't really know what to do.

progunr · May 28, 2008, 03:55 PM

He sounds a little scary to me too!

So young, and with so little time together, MOST guys are not in a hurry to plan the wedding and white picket fence.

I think he is very insecure, and since you are this uncomfortable with things so soon, my advice would be to tell him that you don't share his plans for such an immediate future and it would be best for the two of you to remain friends, date if you want, but to also be free to explore other options.

Best wishes to you both!

JBeaucaire · May 28, 2008, 05:11 PM

You can't SEND the wrong message. The only way your words are miscontrued is if your boyfriend is hypersensitive, self-absorbed, narcisistic and makes everything about him and his feelings.

Does this sound remotely familiar?

It's not your responsibility to teach your boyfriend how to calm down. It's your responsibility to calmly, lovingly, unapologetically present yourself to him. Either he gets it or he doesn't. If he's self-centered, everything you say about YOU he will turn into something good or bad about him, and when he chooses "bad"... well, you're defenseless.

Does this sound remotely familiar?

When he talks about future life stuff, ignore it and talk about the weather.

Him: "I think we should choose baby names."
You: "I think we should make dinner plans."
Him: "I'm serious."
You: "I'm serious."

Fr_Chuck · May 28, 2008, 05:28 PM

The early part of dating. You find out about the other, often you find after a few months it is not working out.

But it is time to be honest. I remember a lady some years ago I dated after my wife passed away. On the 2nd date she started talking about marriage, so that was the last date to say the least

mimi03 · May 28, 2008, 05:58 PM

I agree with JBeaucaire, your only responsibility is to be yourself and be honest with him... like JB said if he mentions something completely out of line like: Let's chose baby names, Ignore him and continue on or simply respond with what you're comfortable with like: I don't want to even think of children until I'm ready and right now I'm not even close!

Don't make the mistake of leading him on to believe your on the same page when you aren't this could only spell trouble later.

hjpan · May 30, 2008, 12:56 AM

You're young. Same happened with my ex-girlfriend. She was so into me and said "I want to be with you.."

This past week, she dropped me and said she had no feelings for me anymore

life is full of... =/

talaniman · May 30, 2008, 05:12 AM

He is moving way to fast, and you have to stay honest with him, to keep him focused on now, as he thinks this will last forever. He is in love. Or so he thinks. Keep it very real with this guy.

f104 · May 30, 2008, 01:32 PM

Yes let him know that he is moving to quickly and you are not comfortable with it. If he cares about you he should take a step back. In the past I have done the same thing and it's kind of crazy.

Reicheru-006 · Jun 11, 2008, 03:17 PM

thanks everyone this helps soooo much! ^_^

brkfstatiffs · Jun 13, 2008, 11:49 AM

You have to be open and communicate with him. That is what dating and relationship are all about. It will also be a test on your end. If he listens to you and respects what you have to say and slows stuff down, or whatever you feel comfy with - that is a BIG sign that maybe is a good guy to continue to be with. Just let him know what your priorities in life are for YOU. Rememeber this is YOUR life to live in the long run.