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kenyangirl08 · May 27, 2008, 08:17 PM

Hi,
So here is my story, my first love was from my high school. I broke up with him due to some family culture clashes. I had arranged marriage with a guy I didn't know. And so did he.. he got married to someone he didn't know either. Then I get divorced! So when I went back home to stay with my parents we see each other and get really close - not physical or anything like that.. just friends. And now I'm also friends with his wife. He has kids and I think happily married. Its been over 20yrs and we still keep in touch, there isn't anything going on between us but I want to forget him! I don't know how to though! All the posts that I have read says "time" is the factor. But for me.. its way past time! The thing that bugs me the most is I broke up with him! He waited but I never went back... was too proud to go back! It isn't that I want to breakup his marriage... I just want to get over him! Any suggestions on what I could do..

NorthernNiceGuy · May 27, 2008, 08:27 PM

Cut all contact with him is all I think you could do... There is no magic cure... If you stop seeing him or talking to him the feelings will eventually fade. Also, maybe try and meet some new people and go on some dates. I think you are still hopped up on him because he is the only person you have loved and he's all you know to associate with that feeling. I think if you could develop these feelings for someone new than these feelings for him would disappear quite rapidly. Get out there!

Ash123 · May 27, 2008, 08:42 PM

This a tough one I'm sure.

I hope you don't mind a quick psychological evaluation of your situation:

I think you have been in a world that has made it difficult to develop emotionally and romantically, and now you are facing the consequences: You had an arranged marriage, cultural boundaries, and then a divorce.

So, in many ways it has not been 20 years. You have been in a time machine, and now you are back in High School. This is not uncommon. Revisiting High School at a tough time in mid life is emotional.

If you have to it's OK to see the guy. Talk to the guy. But move on, and accept he is not for you... and try finding some new social circles. In these groups are men you can spend time with - with no agenda - in a platonic way - and learn to enjoy time with no pressure - and learn what it's like to be friends... more may develop in time.

Since you have been fighting an uphill cultural battle for so long, it may be helpful to find a group that shares a similar cultural background, and that is what you are used to... join an outdoor group, a book group, a sports group. Look in the local activity magazines and online. It takes WORK to change out patterns. A lot. But if we work hard good things suddenly happen.

Cheers.

Ash

jasmine_rezzag · May 27, 2008, 08:46 PM

If you really want to get over him,and don't want to breakup his marriage,then leave him,leave the place where he lives in,start a new life.I think as long as you are in the same place with him,you will be more close to him as you can't forget him... which maybe not good for you,him and his family!