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talaniman · Jun 13, 2008, 04:01 AM

All due respect, but do yo actually think you can change him into what you want?? I think he has laid it out what he wants.

f104 · Jun 13, 2008, 04:47 AM

Just be careful Starlite1. It would be horrible to have to start the NC process again. I know how it is to want an ex back in one's life. Twice in my life I have pined for 2 ex's for more than 10 years. I know that is extreme but I put my life on hold for those two women and to no avail. I will not do that again.

The more I read the comments by posts such as yourself Starlite1 and others the more confident I feel that I do not need my latest ex in my life. Granted I only feel that way sometimes but at least I am starting to feel that way.

Starlite1 you sound like a great person. I just hope you do not get hurt by this man anymore than already have been. Take care, F104.

damaged · Jun 13, 2008, 05:55 AM

I agree with TAL.Do you think you can change him into what you want?.
He doesn't see a need to change because he always gets what he wants from you regardles of his attitude or behavior, so why would he change?.

I still think you're better off w/out him.. I know for sure there's someone so much better out there that deserves your love..

starlite1 · Jun 13, 2008, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

It's in the attitude and appearance.. so, what are you going to wear, and what are you going to say?

Try it out here and pretend you're giving someone else the same advice..

We are a good sounding board. So, go for it..

Your first question to yourself could be: 'what's in it for ME?'

Hi Chery,

Thank you so much. That is a great idea. I will definatley let you guys know what I am thinking about wearing, and what I will say... I would love all of your feedback. Thank you with all of my heart.

starlite1 · Jun 13, 2008, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

All due respect, but do yo actually think you can change him into what you want??? I think he has laid it out what he wants.

Hi Tal,

It's not that I want to change him persay, I love who his (I know this sounds kind of contradictory), but I really want him to see what I said what I said, and why I broke up. Not that I want to punish him, not at all. But for him to recognize that his yo-yoing behavior really, really hurts, and has me nervous and feeling not very secure sometimes in the relationship. I want him to realize that relationships are not fantasies. For the most part, of course relationships have euphoric impacts, which is beautiful, but, there are ups and downs sometimes, or can be, and that they need to be worked out together, not run away. I hope I made sense with this ;)

starlite1 · Jun 13, 2008, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by f104

Just be careful Starlite1. It would be horrible to have to start the NC process again. I know how it is to want an ex back in one's life. Twice in my life I have pined for 2 ex's for more than 10 years. I know that is extreme but I put my life on hold for those two women and to no avail. I will not do that again.

The more I read the comments by posts such as yourself Starlite1 and others the more confident I feel that I do not need my latest ex in my life. Granted I only feel that way sometimes but at least I am starting to feel that way.

Starlite1 you sound like a great person. I just hope you do not get hurt by this man anymore than already have been. Take care, F104.

Thank you F104. That means a lot to me :) I really hope this works out too, I don't want to hurt anymore...

starlite1 · Jun 13, 2008, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by damaged

i agree with TAL.Do you think you can change him into what you want??..
He doesn't see a need to change bc he always gets what he wants from you regardles of his attitude or behavior, so why would he change??...

I still think you're better off w/out him..I know for sure there's someone soo much better out there that deserves your love..

Hi Damaged,

Thank you so much, sweetie. I guess either I'm dedicated or stupid (or both).

damaged · Jun 13, 2008, 11:14 AM

No... not stupid.. You're just in love!. I understand really, I do... but sometimes you are too close to see things for what they are, so its always good an outsider's opinion.. we(outsiders) are less attached to the situation so sometimes we see clearer..

starlite1 · Jun 13, 2008, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by damaged

no...not stupid..You're just in love!!..i understand really, i do...but sometimes you are too close to see things for what they are, so its always good an outsider's opinion..we(outsiders) are less attached to the situation so sometimes we see clearer..

That is so true, my friend. I get so blind sometimes because of my love for him. I can't tell you enough how much I love all of you and appreciate all of your insight and support. You guys are truly the best!

f104 · Jun 13, 2008, 01:58 PM

Ah starlite it's a two way street. Your advice and suggestions are really helpful.

Chery · Jun 15, 2008, 11:04 PM

Hi honey, just checking in..

How was your weekend?

starlite1 · Jun 16, 2008, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

Hi honey, just checking in..

How was your weekend?

Hi Chery,

You are a sweetheart, thank you so much. I was okay. I am feeling a bit down. I thought about him so much this weekend (and still am). I can't wait to see him in July, and I hope that when I talk with him when there it has a positive outcome. I know him very well, and I have a feeling that he is going to say 'I'll think about it' when I state that I would love to get back together. But, when I do talk with him, I am going to say that the reason why I broke it off and said that I couldn't marry him/move there, etc was because of cold feet and the fact that the yo-yoing in the past really hurt me so much that I don't want it to happen again. Of course I could move down there, marry him, etc, but he needs to understand that no relationships are perfect nor are people. I don't want to come off mean at all to him, and I didn't mean to hurt him or break his heart. I want him back so badly, but I want to know that in the relationship, down the road if issues arise, no matter how big or small, that we work on them together, and that his 'fantasy picture of the perfect relationship' doesn't cloud his vision and then he runs away (either emotionally or physically or both). But in the past when I try and get him back (and he was the one who broke up with me), I would talk to him, and I would get 'I'll think about it', then the answer was 'no' then months and months later, he comes back...

Any advise on how to get through to him?

Thank you my dear. And how are you feeling? How was your weekend? How is that sweet kitty cat of yours?

damaged · Jun 16, 2008, 06:02 AM

Hey...
Long time no see!. lol...
How's everyone doing??
How's everything star?

starlite1 · Jun 16, 2008, 06:13 AM

Hey Girl!

Nah, same ol, same ol. Still feeling kind of down... How are you? What did you do this weekend? How are you feeling?

damaged · Jun 16, 2008, 06:46 AM

Hey... same herre... same ol same ol.. this weekend I worked my butt off.. lol... Im feeling good!. Tired but w.e..

starlite1 · Jun 16, 2008, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by damaged

hey...same herre...same ol same ol..this weekend i worked my butt off..lol...Im feeling good!!!..Tired but w.e..

Good for you! I am glad you are feeling better :D I cannot get motivated at all today (typical Monday). I'm at work, and I doing what I need to do, but still :p

damaged · Jun 16, 2008, 06:55 AM

Yea.. me 2... im half asleep.. hate coming to work on mondays... lol... they suck!

starlite1 · Jun 16, 2008, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by damaged

yea..me 2...im half asleep..hate coming to work on mondays...lol...they suck!

Oh Yeah, big time! LOL!

jpm247 · Jun 16, 2008, 01:57 PM

Keep going Star, your doing well!

waystogetexback · Jun 16, 2008, 02:14 PM

I think that you need to take time to work on yourself first. You sound insecure and relying on a man to fulfill your complete happiness is the wrong concept of marriage. Even when you are married, you need different identities. You said you are "pining" after him. Stop the pining, take control of your life and move on. A toxic relationship is not worth saving.