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laurenogr · May 26, 2008, 03:10 PM

F I've years ago, my mum, who was my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. A year later I found out that my dad was having an affair with his secretary, he left and moved in with her. Then mum was re-diagnosed with a more serious type of cancer. It had spread... But mum was always a fighter, she had so many friends and the most positive outlook on life, "everything happens for a reason" type thing. Then dad announced he was getting engaged and mum gradually got worse, then he took a job in dubai and moved away, which made mum kind of OK for a while. Then out of nowhere she took a turn for the worst, and I spent days and nights beside her in hospital, watching her "deteriorate" and basically, watching her die. It was the most horrible experience of my life, I couldn't bear to watch her die, she was my best friend, and she never saw it coming, and she was on so many pain killers that she didn't know what was going on. Everyone around her was crying and I tried my best toe strong for her in case she could hear me, and also for my younger sister, who I'm now taking care of.

She passed away peacefully with myself and my sister holding her hand on 18th April 2008, and I still can't get those images of her on her deathbed out of my head, I can't sleep and I'm constantly depressed. I feel like I now have to take on the role of the mother with my younger sister as my dad isn't moving home.

Any advice would be really really appreciated :(

Thanks guys

tickle · May 26, 2008, 03:26 PM

I sometimes wish, very honestly, that when someone offers us a tale such as yours that they would giver a name we can relate to, as in a first name, because we really can't connect anyone to a name here.

You were very close to your mom as I was to my mom, and she died two years ago in a nursing home calling my name to the last without knowing I was there. I respected her wishes after many years of taking care of her that she go in a nursing home when things got tough. Well, they got tough, taking care of an elderly parent is draining financially and she knew that and didn't want to prolong my indecision. We were close, I was her one and only and she was mine. She loved me totally, I always knew that. Her passing was peaceful. I live with a lot of guilt and an excellent memory.

You should have grief counselling and move one, 'lauren'. There is nothing else you can do and just hope that your memory fades to that one time and you think of just love and not your suffering because, quite basically, they wouldn't want us to sufffer because of them. Think of that.

Talk it out, even just to yourself, I know what you are going through. It all fades after a while.

Love and hugs

liz28 · May 28, 2008, 04:45 PM

I am very sorry for your lost of your mother dying and father leaving. I am happy that you stepped up and is taking care of your sister and stood strong even when you was weak and maybe some days felt like you couldn't. Remember your mom is always looking after you and with you in spirit and may come to you in your dreams like my grandma did. Seeing a grief counselor is good maybe a support group for people who losted a loved one is not a bad idea, you get strength and meet a great deal of people who dealing or went throug the same thing and is a hugh support for one another. You can Google it to find a group in your area. Just stay strong and you will be in my prays, when u feel lost look up and smile because someone watching.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

progunr · May 28, 2008, 04:55 PM

The loss of a dear loved one has to be one of the worst life experiences, yet, we all have to face such loss.

The saying "time heals all wounds" applies here, but, it often takes more time than any of us would like.

Having lost almost all my relatives by now, just my brother and I left, I can offer something that helped me.

Whenever you find yourself remembering her, try as hard as you can to see you and her at your happiest times. Do your best to avoid any recalling of the last days.

It is not easy, since the most recent memories are the most harmful, you will have to really work at it. Maybe even make a list, write down every fun thing you can remember doing together. List as many as you can, and writing them down, will help keep them closer in your memory so they are there when you need them. Once you have the BIG list, make a smaller one, with the most enjoyable times, on an index card. If you find yourself dwelling on the sad times, pull out your card, and remember all the best ones.

I truly wish you the best in your time of struggle.

AGS1975 · Jun 2, 2008, 12:02 AM

There are 7 diagnosed parts to dealing with the loss of a loved one. How old are you? In my opinion, it may help for you to be on anti-depressants for a time. I hate that you lost your best friend. My mom is my best friend and I would hate to lose her. I don't know how you feel about medications, but, it they may allow you to have more clarity and focus during your time of sorrow. May also help you to cope with your loss. Hope this helps.