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c_ratinaud · May 22, 2008, 01:56 PM

I met a guy in a chat room and we really hit it off. We are now "dating." The problem is that he lives in California and goes to college in Wisconsin... I live in Ohio. He tells me that we probably won't be able to meet for another year when I go off to college and I don't know if I can wait that long. Does anyone have any advice.. :confused:

jolienoire · May 22, 2008, 02:03 PM

I think you just answered your own question you said you don't think you can wait that long and you know yourself better than anyone else. Its your decision. I mean relationships require a lot of work, and a long distance one will require even more work, If you don't feel you can wait then simply don't you can still be friends in the meantime..

JBeaucaire · May 22, 2008, 03:04 PM

You aren't dating, you're pen-pals. I'm sure your feelings for one another are real enough, they just aren't enough. I bet you even know that and it's making you sad.

Life is something to live on a daily basis. To plan now to put your real-world physical chances at happiness with a real-life boyfriend on hold for a year or more is ill-advised.

Enjoy your pen pal. Stop the "exclusive" talk. If he wants to move to Ohio and court you for real, that's perfectly fine and worth a committed "try" with him at that point. But since EVERY dating endeavor is just a "try", you need to be honest about that. You two aren't even doing that yet.

c_ratinaud · May 22, 2008, 03:32 PM

I understand what you mean, but I really like him. We talk on the phone every day and see each other on a webcam on the weekends. So, its not like we don't know anything about each other. I know its not a normal thing to have a "boyfriend" that you have never actually met before... but I thought I would give it a try.

JBeaucaire · May 22, 2008, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by c_ratinaud

i know its not a normal thing to have a "boyfriend" that you have never actually met before...but i thought i would give it a try.

As long as you're perfectly fine with all that that means you must give up, then go for it.

But you need to ACTUALLY be fine with it. There's no one making you go exclusive with this guy, and based on your geography, you can't even verify that HE is being exclusive. The uncertainty of meeting online and going excl. would drive me nuts. It's not like you two were together for a year and then moved apart.

Do you understand my concern?

Make a list of the things you never get to do in this relationship... A complete list of the things you would be doing with a local b/f.

Read your list out loud, one line at a time. Proclaim: "I'm OK not getting that anytime soon." As long as you believe yourself, so will we.

Good luck.

Fr_Chuck · May 22, 2008, 03:37 PM

This is the issue with online "dating" to really date one has to be able to drive or fly and see the other on some sort of regular basis, and over a period to make the relationshiop mature one party has to be willing to move to the area of the other. So in a relationship like this, I don't see how it can mature properly

c_ratinaud · May 22, 2008, 03:38 PM

Thanks for your help... I think I will do that list thing!

jasmine_rezzag · May 22, 2008, 06:53 PM

Actually,I don't think online dating is "real",nomatter what beautiful words you talked,it seems unreal as you never met,never hang out together... who knows who he is in the real world! Just be careful,wait and see!

elisa4u · May 22, 2008, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by c_ratinaud

I met a guy in a chat room and we really hit it off. We are now "dating." The problem is that he lives in California and goes to college in Wisconsin...i live in Ohio. He tells me that we probably won't be able to meet for another year when i go off to college and i don't know if I can wait that long. Does anyone have any advice...?:confused:

Move on. There are a lot more fish in the sea. Find someone who lives in your state.

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 06:13 PM

Whatever you decide, online or not, don't make him your whole universe to the point it distracts you from the reality of your own life. Have fun, but keep it in the real world. Waiting on maybe, and what if, is not reality, or realistic. Keep your own life going.

ylaira · Jun 9, 2008, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Whatever you decide, online or not, don't make him your whole universe to the point it distracts you from the reality of your own life. Have fun, but keep it in the real world. Waiting on maybe, and what if, is not reality, or realistic. Keep your own life going.

I agree. Well chosen words talaniman. Keep it up!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 9, 2008, 03:30 PM

He can be a great online friend, but it sounds like you are still in high school, so keep real life boy friends also.