[neededtoask]

I started dating a married man a few months ago, he piquéd my interest because of the open relationship he has with his wife(I'm pretty open minded) and now we've fallen in love with each other. I've been seeing him for a while and his wife is fine with it. My problem is that I don't like the thought of him being with her physically, even day to day. He says he is with her because of a feeling of commitment more than desire, I'm a pretty good looking lady and he says he loves and desire me but he doesn't think he could leave her.
So now my predicament is do I try to find a way to deal with my feeling about him being together with both of us or am I going to drive myself crazy thinking about them together while I wait to see him again. One point is I really do like this guy, and haven't felt a connection like this before. I've been married, I'm kind of scared of commitment and have teenage kids. His kids are grown or teenagers. Any advice would be a welcome outside perspective. Thanks!

[liz28]

You knew what you was getting into before you got involved with him and any who deals with someone knows there are possiblites. It means you develop feeling for that person that can turn it love or you might not like them. You entered this unusual triangle arrangement knowing that he has a wife and basically screwing you both, you agree with this but can change your decision because I guarantee if you leave you be replace with someone else. He basically telling I love but I love my wife mor she numbe 1 and will always be. That will never changed and your expections for him to hig go find a single man who wants you and only you and he will make you number 1 in his life.

[450donn]

This is so sick and perverted I can't really comment on it except, get out of this mess and get some professional help to get your head on straight.

[Tugboat]

Walk, no run, away. Time will heal your feelings and you will get over it and will realize how you were used. Wake up woman.

[JudyKayTee]

I started dating a married man a few months ago, he piqued my interest because of the open relationship he has with his wife(I'm pretty open minded) and now we've fallen in love with each other. I've been seeing him for a while and his wife is fine with it. My problem is that I don't like the thought of him being with her physically, even day to day. He says he is with her because of a feeling of commitment more than desire, I'm a pretty good looking lady and he says he loves and desire me but he doesn't think he could leave her.
So now my predicament is do I try to find a way to deal with my feeling about him being together with both of us or am I going to drive myself crazy thinking about them together while I wait to see him again. One point is I really do like this guy, and haven't felt a connection like this before. I've been married, I'm kind of scared of commitment and have teenage kids. His kids are grown or teenagers. Any advice would be a welcome outside perspective. Thanks!

"They" always love and desire you but don't think he can leave "her." He's got the best of both Worlds.

I would look more at the time you are wasting than anything else.

So you leave. He either follows (legally without a wife) or he doesn't.

And then you know whether the two of you have a chance together or not.

Been through this with friends; thank goodness I never met anyone (married) I thought was worth the hassle or my time. Heck, I wouldn't even date guys who were legally separated! No divorce papers? I'm not interested but thanks.

[c_ratinaud]

I agree with the fact that you should leave him and if he truly loves you, then he will follow you, divorced and available.

[JBeaucaire]

I read your question as "How do I deal with my resentment for his wife?" Is that correct?

Can you explain the basis for the resentment? Or do you believe it is unwarranted and want to know how to make it go away?

Since you joined this couple in their oddness and got yourself attached, now you want him to change? Isn't that odd to you?

"I started dating a guy who skydives, and now that we're together, I want him to stop skydiving."
"I'm dating a military man, but I hate war and violence and think he should quit."
"My boyfriend has 2 kids, has always put them first, but now I want him to put me first instead."

Do any of those ideas above make sense to you? Yours falls into the same category.

"I am dating a married man with an open relationship, now I want him to be in an unopen relationship with me alone."

So, you like him, as long he completely changes his whole life? I guess I'm lost here. Why is this reasonable to you? He's got a wife and wants a mistress. If you don't want the mistress job, how did you find his wife's job is now up for grabs?

[jasmine_rezzag]

If I have feeling for a man who has girlfriend or wife,I will keep distant from him!

[JudyKayTee]

This is so sick and perverted I can't really comment on it except, get out of this mess and get some professional help to get your head on straight.

I wonder - if OP's boyfriend is "into" open relationships and he leaves his wife and ends up with her how long it will be before he goes back to his old lifestyle? Did he persuade the current wife that this was a good idea? Just how manipulative is this guy?

Do cheaters always cheat?

Do swingers always swing?

How long before the OP finds herself in an open marriage?

I don't know. Any thoughts?

[jolienoire]

I Suggest you close this relationship, because it is unhealthy. I am not going to judge your lifestyle or your preference. But you are upset that he is intimate with his wife. Many people will say "how dare you" and look at you with a distraught look. You came into this relationship with the acceptance of it being "open" meaning you were okay with him having a wife and knowing about your affair. Is it healthy Absolutely not, not for you nor the party involved. He won't pick you, why should he his wife allows him to sleep with other women knowingly, he is honest with her she accepts it. Why? It is beyond me as to why.

Maybe to keep her marriage by allowing her husband to have affairs. But believe me she isn't going anywhere. So you just need to disconenct yourself from this relationship before you overwhelm yourself. There are plenty of single men who will be great in bed, dedicated, and love you and only you and don't have a wife waiting at home. Some things you just can't share and a man is one of them. Besides set some example for your teenage kids. Being afraid of commitment is far better than being with someone who is committed, and you being the mistress. I believe you are better than that,but you are allowing yourself to be the "other woman" through fear. Face your fears, understand that you have to work that out first, and then think about a relationship. First leave this one.

Good luck

[talaniman]

You signed on to be a mistress, and that's what you got, and that fantastic connection is a one way street. Either keep wasting your time or be happy with the bed you made.