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sigh_sigh · May 18, 2008, 01:28 PM

My romantic partner has gone to a small town in Germany for three months. Although we e-mail a lot I still feel depressed and cry every day. Things that used to really get me excited don't anymore. I don't even feel like hanging out with my old friends that I was so excited to see this summer. I can't find ways to distract myself, they are always on my mind.

I fear I may have dependency issues as my happiness is totally dependent on whether they are in contact with me or not. And I can't stop thinking about them! The times I am with my friends I feel like I am watching them through glass. Like I can't connect anymore. I figured the sadness of missing them would subside after a couple of days but It has been a week now and I feel like I'm going crazy. I fear I'm becoming clingy and suffocating to my partner and totally estranging myself from my friends. Do you think I will get over this in time or should I seek some help?

-lost and confused

batgirl2009 · May 18, 2008, 01:45 PM

I have a friend like that. Things get better over time but you should continue to go out and have a good time without them. They will be back home with you soon. And then you can make up for all the time you spent apart. But right now enjoy being able to do things for YOU. Do things that make you happy. Like a personal vacation. This is perfect YOU time. Enjoy it while you can. There is nothing to be sad about. Not trying to belittle your feelings. But they are coming back. And they will still love you. So go have fun. It's okay to think about them and to miss them but you'll be okay... I promise. I don't know if that helped or not!

sigh_sigh · May 18, 2008, 02:55 PM

Yes, well that's why I thought I might need help. I know I'm being totally irrational missing them all the time but I just can't seem to shake it.

Illusion · May 19, 2008, 10:06 PM

Oh goodness. You are really missing your love and wanting to be close again. You are obviously emotionally bonded to this person and he or she is very important to you. Ah, to be in love! And to be separated from our love is so painful, yes. Countless poems have been written over missing our love. You are crazy in love with this person, intense and emotional. No, it is not crazy - you are missing your love like never before and how lucky that person is - and you also for knowing how to love and feel love! And it is so wonderful to love another and to miss them and to know that I am waiting for you and missing you with all my heart - and the day draws near when we will be reunited again. Why not write a letter with all your longing for your love and how much you miss them. No, I don't think you are clingy - just crazy in love. Just take a deep breath and relax, and count down the days. Lost and confused? Only because he or she is not there. Take a moment to join your friends and share with them. You'll feel better you did.

Choux · May 20, 2008, 03:55 PM

I guess you have a major red flag about your status as becoming an independent adult woman... you are still as emotionally dependent as a child, and that is a problem for you.

To be an adult, every person has to have a well-balanced life in order to maintain emotional stability... hobbies, sports, friends, continued education, volunteering, a lover, enjoyable work... this is important because when one area of one's life disappears for whatever reason, then there are so many other aspects of life to enjoy, a person is not swept under.

It takes work to build a life, and it can't be done overnight.

It might be a good idea at this time to talk to a therapist about your emotional situation an get some positive support at this time. :)

Best wishes,