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batgirl2009 · May 17, 2008, 11:47 AM

Okay so I'm 16 (I will be 17 in 47 days in case anyone wanted to know)! And we have these new neighbors. His name (I'm changing it) is Tucker. Tucker and his wife have been married for about 2 years and are really happy. They are trying to have a kid but nothing seems to be working. Now Tucker doesn't really talk to my parents or my sister but he talks to me... like when I get home from school we typically talk for like an hour or so. He likes to hug me and pick me up. And I think that I like him. And then last night I had a dream about us having sex. Am I a horrible person? I don't want to be a home-wrecker but I think I might really have feelings for him! Please help!

Chery · May 17, 2008, 12:04 PM

Honey, we've all been there.

My married crush was the father of the baby that I was babysitting. His wife was always out shopping or to the clubs. This was his second marriage and the baby was less than 6 months old.

He was always nice to me and even though I only lived a few houses down the street, he offered to give me a ride home once, saying that he wanted to stop by the shop and get some ice-cream first and if I wanted some. Well, we never got the ice-cream and I learned then that the seats in an old Cadillac reclined at the push of a button. He fondled me and made me touch him - thank goodness nothing further, but acted like nothing happened for months thereafter. There is nothing worse than being in this type of spot - and not telling anyone about it. I just hope that you stick to your dreams and don't go any further. They will eventually fade and you'll feel silly about this crush a few months later. Just imaging how you would feel if making one foolish move... and then DON'T. It's not worth it and can mess you up for a long, long time, not to mention his marriage. It might get messed up anyway, the way he acts - but please don't let it be your fault - let him make those mistakes with someone else and try to keep your distance.

Once discovering our sexuality and getting noticed - no matter what agegroup, it starts us in a new stage of development which should be healthy and carefree, safe and wonderful. So, please don't let acting on just dreams or anyone else ruin it for you.

Good luck dear, growing up is a true challenge.

There is a big difference between falling in love and feeling lust! One takes a long time and a lot of mutual work, the other is just a fleeting tickle. Please recognize the difference before it's too late.

lawanwadee · May 17, 2008, 12:08 PM

Stay away from him...

gracean11 · May 17, 2008, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

Okay so I'm 16 (I will be 17 in 47 days in case anyone wanted to know)! And we have these new neighbors. His name (I'm changing it) is Tucker. Tucker and his wife have been married for about 2 years and are really happy. They are trying to have a kid but nothing seems to be working. Now Tucker doesn't really talk to my parents or my sister but he talks to me...like when I get home from school we typically talk for like an hour or so. He likes to hug me and pick me up. And I think that I like him. And then last night I had a dream about us having sex. Am I a horrible person? I don't want to be a home-wrecker but I think I might really have feelings for him! Please help!

If you really don't want to be a home-wrecker then you should avoid that man. You're just getting yourself into trouble. You're too young there's so many deserving and available guys out there for you. Don't let your feelings grow, and you can just do that if you will stop talking to him and avoiding him.

BMI · May 17, 2008, 12:12 PM

Your sixteen girl!!

Open a window, go for a bike ride, get a slurpee, do some fun stuff while your young and leave complicated stuff like this to when you're an adult. I guess you can say it's a common thing to have a crush on someone older than you (teachers and so on) although anything more than a crush is asking for trouble. You never do know what a man will do when faced with situations such as these (men fantasize too) God forbid that should ever happen, you may be getting in way over your head.

Like I said, get out there and focus on some other activities.

Fr_Chuck · May 17, 2008, 12:13 PM

He should not be hugging you and picking you up. You need to put a stop to this right away.

CFZD · May 17, 2008, 02:08 PM

Ask her wife see how she feels about him picking you up and talking to you only...
This man is too creepy!

talaniman · May 17, 2008, 03:29 PM

Am I a horrible person? I don't want to be a home-wrecker but I think I might really have feelings for him! Please help!

You aren't horrible yet, but if you keep letting him hug on you, and pick you up, your headed that way. Leave the older guys alone, and especially your married neighbor. Sometime we can't help who we like, but we have control over what we do about it. Don't cross that line from feelings, to being horrible.

ordinaryguy · May 17, 2008, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

He likes to hug me and pick me up.

Big red flag. He's a lecher and a predator, and he knows what he's doing is wrong.

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

And I think that I like him. And then last night I had a dream about us having sex. Am I a horrible person? I don't want to be a home-wrecker but I think I might really have feelings for him! Please help!

You're not a horrible person, but he is. You are young and naïve. Nothing good can come of this. Stay as far away from him as you can.

batgirl2009 · May 17, 2008, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

Okay so I'm 16 (I will be 17 in 47 days in case anyone wanted to know)! And we have these new neighbors. His name (I'm changing it) is Tucker. Tucker and his wife have been married for about 2 years and are really happy. They are trying to have a kid but nothing seems to be working. Now Tucker doesn't really talk to my parents or my sister but he talks to me...like when I get home from school we typically talk for like an hour or so. He likes to hug me and pick me up. And I think that I like him. And then last night I had a dream about us having sex. Am I a horrible person? I don't want to be a home-wrecker but I think I might really have feelings for him! Please help!

I understand that I'm supposed to stay away from him but how can I do that when he lives right across the street. He gets all weird when I don't say hi. I really don't think he's a bad guy but I'm so confused. I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it!

jjb4060 · May 17, 2008, 11:07 PM

MEN ARE PIGS!! Stay away from this PREDATOR!!

Chery · May 17, 2008, 11:35 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

I understand that I'm supposed to stay away from him but how can I do that when he lives right across the street. He gets all weird when I don't say hi. I really don't think he's a bad guy but I'm so confused. I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it!

He might be a good guy and then again might not. But you need to set some ground rules by letting him know that you don't need to be picked up - you're a big girl. Also, make sure that someone else is around when he talks to you. It is OK to wave across the street - he is your neighbor.

I know that you probably think that you might get him in trouble if you talk to your parents about your current confusion and don't want to 'cause' him harm.. but you should also think about yourself, the stress that you are going through and make a choice. If he comes over when you are alone (in the yard) get up and tell him you've got something important to do..
If he comes over to the house when you are alone - let him know that you are not allowed to let anyone in when alone - straight and simple. If you don't want to tell him straight out that he's confusing you, this should at least give him a hint that you feel uncomfortable around him alone. If he catches on and respectfully leaves you alone, fine. If not, then you need to tell him that he makes you uncomfortable and that you need your space.

We are here to help you.. but you should also talk to someone who you trust about your feelings - like your mom. After all, she was your age once too and probably understands more than you think she does.

Stay with us and let us know how things go.

talaniman · May 18, 2008, 02:21 AM

but how can I do that when he lives right across the street.

Wave hello and stay off his property, and if he touches you in any way let him know that you ain't going for it. He is a neighbor not your master. He has no rights to you, and you give him none. If he doesn't like it, and acts weird, tell your parents.

ordinaryguy · May 18, 2008, 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

I understand that I'm supposed to stay away from him but how can I do that when he lives right across the street. He gets all weird when I don't say hi. I really don't think he's a bad guy but I'm so confused. I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it!

He may not be a pervert and a predator, he may just be a weak and foolish guy who's letting his hormones overpower his common sense. Either way, there's nothing beneficial for you in inviting his attentions and allowing him to take physical liberties with you. The way to change your feelings is to place firm limits on your behavior based on what you know to be true.

batgirl2009 · May 18, 2008, 10:38 AM

Okay... this is going to be hard. But I know that you are all right and I need to do this!

batgirl2009 · May 18, 2008, 12:45 PM

Any other last words of wisdom before I do this?

Chery · May 18, 2008, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by batgirl2009

Any other last words of wisdom before I do this?

Yes. Do not, under any circumstances feel guilty or responsible. You did nothing wrong. You are growing and going through normal stages in life which are confusing enough, so do not blame yourself for the weaknesses and/or actions of others.

Accept dreams at your age as normal being influenced by hormonal and emotional changes and go on with setting your future plans and goals and work on this reality with support from family and friends.

Sometimes, it even helps writing down your feelings and reading them years later with a more 'mature' understanding of them. You'll wind up being proud of your personal growth.

Enjoy life dear, it's mostly good, honest.

TaTaForNow...

batgirl2009 · May 18, 2008, 01:12 PM

Not feeling guilty is going to be hard. Even though I'm a virgin and am a really good and innocent kid my friends (both guys and girls) tell me that I'm someone who causes people to lose sense of their morals. To them I would be the mistress of some guy. They don't mean it in a rude way they just think that I have a seductive nature. Which makes situations like this unbelievably hard.
I will try to accept my dreams as normal and go on with my life.
I don't like writing things down because other people can read them. And the last thing I want to do is get HIM in trouble for this.

talaniman · May 18, 2008, 02:22 PM

And the last thing I want to do is get HIM in trouble for this.

If that motivates you fine, because messing with you sends him to JAIL!!

CFZD · May 19, 2008, 10:03 AM

Girl, what are you thinking??