[Sonador101]

My brother is the top of his class and is now getting his bachelors degree on frday , he's the oldest so my mom has always gone out to dinner with him, and it makes me mad sometimes, but tonight he got a cool award and:( my mom is taking him out to celebrate and he's taking my older brother and leaving me home with my younger sisters, they go out and have fun and leave me here, I don't think its fair cause we are having a huge celabration for him on Saturday, I know he had made a big accomlplishment but they should out too, I try to tell my mom and she just seys it will be my turn soon, but she aways goes and out has fun and sometimes she forgets us, not really often but please I need help on how to approuch her without sounding like a llittle baby, please ghelop

[pawpaw13]

Hi, I'll guess you're pre-teen/teen. I can relate my experience of being the oldest like your brother's are to you. I'm the oldest with 4 younger brothers. The first child is usually spoiled and I was. I got all the attention 1st. My first younger brother then started getting some of my attention, then the third, then the fourth. The fourth was much younger than and I'm 16yrs older than he. He then got a lot of attention being so much younger than us other 4. But as each of us came into this world my parents loved us and still do the same. The fact is that when there's more than one child in the family the attention your parents and my parents give are more limited. It's not that they don't love us any less or anymore. Their just human. Anyway, my brothers were frustrated and angry sometimes about the attention given to me. But then I became angry at times at them and my parents. As the only girl I felt left out of things because my dad would do things with my brothers and not me. Growing up there were always mixed emotions... good, bad, angry, sad, happy etc. I know though for a fact that no matter how I was feeling we all still cared about each other. Today, my brothers and I are all best friends. I would suggest that if you do want "time" with your mom that you ask her if she would talk with you. Which I'm sure she will. Then be assertive and let her know what you need from her. Ei. If you want to do something with her set a date and time whether at home or out. Try and find something that is special only between you and your mom. That's the kind of quality attention that we can get from our moms and dads. Whenever I talked with my parents growing up I always got paid attention too with I was in a more humble and assertive state. If I was angry all the time, which I was sometimes because I wasn't getting something I thought I should be getting from them. When I was like that, angry and stumping around I got the negative attention that I didn't want... go to your room, no more TV for a week, no talking on the phone, no this or that... etc. That's not what I wanted I wanted time with them. I know that years later being friends with my mom I've come too understand a lot more about all that she really did for all of us and I thank her and remind her about the good things I remember doing with her. So, if you pray... say one and then ask God to help give you the words and the assertiveness to talk with your mom and see if there's not something you and her could try to do together. It's actually easier to try and talk to people that to not say anything and hope they know where we are. Your mom might not know how you feel inside about the things with your older brothers. You have to tell her how you feel but use the "I" word when you speak... like... " I felt left out when you and my brothers went out for dinner. I felt angry about feeling left out and then I felt angrier because I had to watch my younger sister. I don't want to feel left out, I don't want to feel angry at you. I would like very much to be able to spend some special time with you. Can we do something together? Just you and I? That's just an example... But conversations workout a lot better when I use the " I felt left out when you and my brothers went out for dinner. I felt angry about feeling left out and then I felt angrier because I had to watch my younger sister. I don't want to feel left out, I don't want to feel angry at you. I would like very much to be able to spend some special time with you. Can we do something together? just you and I? That's just an example......But conversations workout a lot better when I use the " word, because your describing how you feel about something and you're not pointing a finger at anyone else. Your talking about you in relation to what's going on about your feelings. So, when you express how you feel people can't argue with you and tell you don't feel that way. Our feelings are neither right or wrong they just are. And we all have a right to feel. So, I hope this helps some. I was just kind of thinking as I was writing hoping maybe it makes some sense to you. Just one other thing. When you mentioned they went out for dinner and you had to stay home and babysit... you might not think that's a big deal but it's a very big deal to your mother. She trusts you enough that she "feels" word, because your describing how you feel about something and you're not pointing a finger at anyone else. Your talking about you in relation to what's going on about your feelings. So, when you express how you feel people can't argue with you and tell you don't feel that way. Our feelings are neither right or wrong they just are. And we all have a right to feel. So, I hope this helps some. I was just kind of thinking as I was writing hoping maybe it makes some sense to you. Just one other thing. When you mentioned they went out for dinner and you had to stay home and babysit.......you might not think that's a big deal but it's a very big deal to your mother. She trusts you enough that she "things" going on. Try and enjoy your brothers celebration and be happy for him. You'll be happier if you do. Plus, you want him to enjoy himself when your celebration time comes around, right...
:) :) :) :) :)