[Banglore queen]

Hi friends... Iam writing you about my problem,hopefully someone can give me a proper advice.
I was born and brought up in India(Banglore) and now in USA after getting married... I was a very confident and good looking girl,was working in TV for years and was also very propular in my college.I have been alwaz appreciated by everyone through out my life... I had huge fan following and many marrige proposals.Finally I decided to get married and got engaged.Everything was good till then but later I started feeling that there's no love or attraction between us.I was hardly waiting for his phone calls nor did call him regularly and the same from him.But I couldn't stop the marrige as it was arranged by parents and was too late.Finally got married and came here and had shock of my life.My husband used to get irritated with me as he felt I was not smart enough... he felt I was dumb,but that's not true at all.Then I started gaining weight and no more looked as attractive as before.He used to pick up even smallest of small things and fight.He started telling that I am abnormal and I have no brains at all.As situation was out of my control I moved to another city to do a course and apply for visa and job.This was of great help as was loved by people there.Even my friends there, knew that I had problem with my husband as my husband made it very obvious when he dropped me.But later he started missing me and even started changing.By then his parents were visiting us so I had to get back to my husbands house and there were many times he insulted me in front of his parents,and they hardly respect me now.Later things moved on and I got job in the same city and now we are leaving together.Things have changed but still he doesn't repect me.Iam 25 and he treats me like kid.He does love me now but he does not appreciate me.He thinks I am not to his expectation or he doesn't accept my flaws.Things seems to be fine but the fact that he doesn't respect me is something which I can't take it.we are married since 2yrs and he still can't take smallest of mistakes I do, like I forgot to switch off light some day,etc.He makes big deal about it and shouts badly that I am irresponsible,etc.I have tried talking to him many times but he cannot understand.Iam really scared about our relationship because of his behaviour.We might plan for baby next year,but I am really scared.Iam scared with what's going to happen and for what I will be blamed.But he's a very dedicated,responsible and intelligent man who does not appreciate his wife.Well I do have some flaws but its not as big as he makes and everyone do have there own flaws.If any one please give me suggestion on how to work on it.

[450donn]

OK, let me get this straight in my head. He is verbally abusive? He does not respect you? From what I have seen this can be common in many cultures because of the arranged marriages. First I would not even consider bringing a child into this situation. Second try and get your husband into some form of counselling with you. If that fails, then as I see it you have two choices. Stay in a cold unloving relationship and accept it for what it is, or two, divorce.

[JBeaucaire]

You can choose to take all the abuse you want. It's your right as an adult. We all make tough choices and choosing to be with someone who treats you this way, well, I don't get it, but it's your life.

But a baby! That's another story. That baby will be 100% your responsbility. Your baby deserves a healthy, loving home, does he not? Just because the baby isn't born yet doesn't mean you don't already need to making choices for his well-being.

Your husband might treat you a LOT better if he had to. You've given him no reason to. Sit him down, and calmly let him know that you love him, but have decided, TODAY, to no longer allow anyone to belittle you in any way. Especially not people who claim to love you. He must stop treating you this way cold turkey, today, or you are leaving.

You're not leaving because you don't love him, you're leaving because you're old enough and strong enough to demand better behaviors from your loved ones. If you are so unacceptable to him that he can't treat you civilly, then you will of course free him up so he can find someone he CAN respect. You love him THAT much.

A strong, self-assured woman can be very attractive to a man. And you actually need to BE those things to be a successful mother. Wife is hard, MOTHER is unending. You need to get this new backbone in place and operating now.

Good luck to you.

[sasha_1]

I am also from India. It is not easy get divorced or separated from husband because of our culture and society. Whosever fault it is, the female will ultimately get branded and blamed.

Do not plan for a baby now. Do you have somebody in your family whom you trust and can take into confidence? Share the details with that person.

And remember, you are just 25 and you have your whole life in front of you. Do you want to spend the next 60-90 years with your husband? If you feel strongly against it, then first talk to your family, get their support in helping you getting separated.

If not, then in US they have the concept of marriage counselling. Take your husbnd to these sessions. I personally have no idea how it works or how effective it is, but many people here say it is helpful.

I hope things get sorted out. My prayers are with you, do keep us updated.