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WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 01:19 AM

Does anybody have real statitics about the "I need a break from the relationship" syndrom? I wrote a 5+ page essay explaining everything about my situation but it got lost due to one bad move of the mouse.

nickshehe · May 12, 2008, 01:45 AM

I felt like I had to be precise with my story because it was "different from the others". It was extremely long and to begin with it upset me with how pessimistic people were. But in the end they were all right, and after sticking around these forums I found that 99.9999% of the stories are the same, the same advice is given, the same disbelief from the one who asks the advice, claims of his/her case being different.. then much like me a few days later the dreaded "she/he dumped me" post.
This obviously isn't mathematical precision - there will be exceptions.. But one should ask himself - a break is a break from EACH OTHER.. what happened to working things out communicating? I never imposed a break on my relationship because I loved her and didn't want to be apart..
For now all YOU can do is look forward, give her the space and time she needs.. try and grow immune to the dependence you have built for her, in your space apart.. When and if she decides to return you can start to think about it.. But most of the advice you will get from here will tell you to move on.
Which is probably the best choice for YOU.

WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 02:36 AM

Thanks Nick, that's what I thought once she moved out it was over. I was just wondering if I had a chance at love again with her or not. I think all the M/F's that had positive things to say about "I want some time alone" are either happy together or over the fact that they got dumped. And didn't come back to post. Thanks.

WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 02:42 AM

BTW, this is my last night with her. Tomarrow she leaves for her sister's house to live with an way worse than me. So be it, Im so sick of being lied to dude. It hurts but Cmon

nickshehe · May 12, 2008, 02:53 AM

Ever since I started coming onto these forums I've taken an almost hinduistic approach towards things.. I'm very sensitive when it comes to emotions, but after sticking around for a while I think I've become a stronger person, and I wouldve normally been a wreck considering the way I was dumped -but I'm not.. I'm just trying to grow from this experience.. I acknowledge the mistakes I did in my relationship that may have helped in ending the relationship - since I know its not entirely my fault, its never entirely anyone's fault.. and I can only hope that they will be avoided next time around.
Yes - it's a shame that things end the way they do.. I was friends with this girl for 6-7 years where we would always talk.. my best friend for 10 months during our relationship. I dived into the relationship head first after the first couple of months.. and now I decided I should stop talking to her, and I've taken steps in deleting her from my life (facebook/msn/phone book e.t.c). - it's sad but I'm not ready to be her friend.
I'm sure you're not ready for that either.. when the time is right we may be friends again - but until I am 100% over whatever history we had.

WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 03:18 AM

I wish you were able to read the post that originated from this one. It outlined everything from day 1. I asked her to keep the word Faith in mind and she loved it. I am obviously a fool to believe that she will come back but Faith is all I have now. I will take it day to day as she continually lies to me. It is so sad that the good guys on this planet get F'd over on a regular basis. Damn

nickshehe · May 12, 2008, 04:44 AM

You don't have to take it day to day as she continually lies to you.. You can block her from your life and let her wonder where you've gone.. Ever since I stopped talking to my ex, for ONCE in the hectic break up month - I felt in control... Before that.. every time my phone beeped and I got a message I was so hopeful it was her - it wasn't. Every time my phone rang, it was the same.. She would talk to me on msn until I decided enough is enough and I just disappeared.. and it was liberating... I did it for myself before she had the chance to do it to me.. Before we became "friends now" - until one day she finds someone new and all of a sudden SHE would stop talking to me.. and all that hope or faith as you phrased it.. was false.. and I would have made no progress what so ever.
Now I'm 2 months into the break up and I'm gradually getting better.. feel lonely at times but I'm doing well.. I felt better since the day I decided to stop contact, and every time she made contact I would close the window and laugh to myself... She chose to remove me from her life but she wants me when its convinient. No thank you - I love myself enough to know I don't need her. You will not die without her my friend - trust me... Take care of yourself.

talaniman · May 12, 2008, 09:15 AM

I will take it day to day as she continually lies to me. It is so sad that the good guys on this planet get F'd over on a regular basis. Damn

Remove yourself from the situation, and don't talk to her, and you won't get lied to by her, or f'kd over. Didn't have the benefit of reading your post, but frustration is very evident. You can repost it here in this thread though.

brian1231 · May 12, 2008, 11:15 AM

I may fit the mold of being the guy who still falls in that 99.999% category. My ex suffered what most would describe as a type of mental breakdown of some sorts and told me she loved me but needed to fix herself. She said once she got better, she come find me so we could be together again and even make me break up with whoever I'd be with so we could be a couple. That was 9weeks ago and have been NC for 6 weeks. I am trying to move on, but its hard with that bit of hope.

nickshehe · May 12, 2008, 11:33 AM

It is a lot harder when they leave us with hope brian. But look at it this way.. How can she honestly know how she feels about you if you're still in her life? She's basically free to do as she wants now under this "break" but when she's bored, or lonely - you're a text message or phone call away.. You're being taken advantage of.. When I was ever in need of fixing - when I wasn't okay.. I turned to HER because I loved her.. She would HELP me get through it.. I wouldn't suggest a break so I fix myself but whenever I saw it to be convinient I would "love her".. I know its hard for you.. but look at how long you've been waiting.. 9 weeks.
Did things get better? - No
Did you make any progress what so ever? - If you're still here - I doubt it. Or at least you would have been at a better place if you reinstated NC to begin with..
People take too long to realize the fight has been long lost.. I suggest you throw in your boxing gloves and start the healing process.. Stick to NC for your own good.

brian1231 · May 12, 2008, 11:47 AM

Hey Nicks. Good advice. I am getting better day by day. I haven't been waiting around for her persay. I have been out with friends a lot, meeting girls etc... There are even a few I am interested. I just guess that part of me is scared that she will come back someday when I am with someone, and I won't have been over my feelings for her and it would cause problems? If we broke up and didn't give "hope" then I think id be in a much better place. The few times we did speak, she told me that she couldn't see me because her feelings for me were still so strong or she needed to get her life in order 1st.

talaniman · May 12, 2008, 12:06 PM

"I need a break from the relationship" syndrom?"

When you hear that line,
Cry alone, and get on with the REST of your life. -100%
Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted, because now its over. -125%
See you, hate to be you!-All the time!

WhatN3XT · May 12, 2008, 12:48 PM

I am sitting here watching her pack her bags and it is painful. I confronted her about her motives, and in a heated conversation she stated that I tried everything to make this right. If I don't leave nothing will change. Hopefully you can see the changes we need to make and can move forward. Damnit, now I'm feeling a bit of hope again. I only have a few more hours to go before she is gone and then, maybe I can start the healing process. OMFG this is killing me watch this, I think I need to leave. But thanks for the good advice so far people.

talaniman · May 12, 2008, 01:56 PM

I am sitting here watching her pack her bags and it is painful.

That sounds like torture. Keep your mouth shut, or leave.

WhatN3XT · May 13, 2008, 11:46 PM

WOW, there is hope. Faith can work. She spent one night without me and left a VM the next AM while crying, stating that she could not sleep because I was not next to her.

(I turned off my phone the previous evening with a post it note that read "DO NOT CALL" )

I did everything everyone on here suggested me to do, avoid all contact. I had to force myself to build a unbreakable barrier. She said she was returning home tomorrow, I will update as time goes on. I felt a need to let you know updates since you all have helped me so much dealing with the pain involved. I hope that what she is saying is true but I won't really know until then.

I hope that my circumstance (if it really works out) is one of many. I think that if PPL just can communicate on a mutual level and give needed space without distraction may work out. But for the guys out there like me... if your GF gives you a letter stating what she wants out of a relationship, either stand by it or let her go... and be supportive she will need it. I did. And it worked.

brian1231 · May 14, 2008, 03:42 AM

WhatN3Xt > Id give it at least a week apart. I did many of these quick break up/ get back together things.

WhatN3XT · May 15, 2008, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by brian1231

WhatN3Xt > Id give it atleast a week apart. I did many of these quick break up/ get back together things.

Brian, did you live with the person doing all the quick break/unbreak situations? In my situation we have slept together every night for the last 5 years. I want to know because, if this is a pattern starting I need to stop it NOW. If it is I will definitely take your advice and make it a week before I even take her call. Sure I say that now, but if she leaves another VM crying I will have to bite my tongue before calling back.

In my case she has been asking for change for awhile. I didn't really "blow it off" but I was just too comfortable with the relationship. I knew what she was asking for would benefit us both, but thought why should I change she will be here no matter what. And after I went through 5 days of numbness and getting my engagement ring handed back to me... I took some serious self reflection.

For the first time in my life I was able to say to myself "if you love someone, let them go" I just wanted the best for her. If starting over for her would make her happy than so be it. At first it killed me inside, Then after my quick pissed stage was over I had to accept it. I love this woman and had to let her figure out whatever she needed.

Like I said, I hope this is not a pattern, because if it is... it's going to get old QUICK!

nickshehe · May 15, 2008, 11:29 PM

It's better she has this crisis now as opposed to when the two of you were married lets say.. Let her be - continue with your life, move on without her.
If fate returns her to you, then you'll know it was meant to be..
But dude, if she comes back too soon - i.e within the first month , then trust me that isn't enough time apart for her to reflect upon herself and CHANGE.. Which means she may come back sooner than you think but she'll be the same person that left you the first time.. and out of the blue, in the near future she might pull another one of these breaks on you.
So the longer you distance yourself from her the more beneficial it is BOTH ways.
1) You heal and move on - doesn't keep you lingering if she doesn't come back.
2) You both reflect on yourselves by spending time alone, if she decides to come back after a long time then maybe things will be different - but you can't wait for that or be hopeful that will happen.
- It may never happen.
- If it does (and is viable to make a DIFFERENCE) it will be a long long time away. She has to make a few mistakes to realize leaving you was a mistake.

WhatN3XT · May 16, 2008, 12:01 AM

Thanks Nick... again. I think that I will never know the real reason for her departure. And I will never take for granted that she came back. She asked me if I needed more time alone to figure things out, I said another day would be good but I also told her my door was always open for her. She gave me that day and she actually had a back up plan to spend the night with her niece. I felt (feel) played and it don't bother me at least I can sleep at night. Like you said If I would have waited I could work on that. I let her back as soon as 'she decided'. I am keeping faith, but if I get played one more time I may break.

I really don't want this to be her way to spice up the relationship, meaning great make up loving... if you know what I mean, it's HOT. We could fix that multiple ways. I know of the 7 year itch and I could be creative enough to figure out ways to explore ways to make her happy. And yes I met her 7 year's ago. So confused about the upcoming months. Time will tell.

brian1231 · May 16, 2008, 06:55 AM

What > Yes I lived with the girl. The 1st BU was over something so stupid. Basically she called me at work telling me we should get married (wed afternoon at 2:00pm) I basically said that I loved her, but it was a shocking conversation to have out of the blue and if we could talk about it later. She immediately said I didn't love her, we had a fight and we BU. I bought her flowers and such and we got back together in like a day. The next time was because I asked her to start paying for more around our house (we were engaged, and I was paying like 90% of the costs and she was putting tons in the bank) Again, she claimed I didn't love her and we broke up for like a day and once I started getting my stuff packed up, she caved and gave me a huge kiss and started being all cuddly and I caved. (only added stress later on)

IDK, every case is different, but obviously if I would have done it again, Id have taken more time to think about things. It would have saved me a lot of wasted time.