[Mom of groom]

My son is getting married in June. My ex husband and I do not get along at all. I want nothing to do with him and it's mutual. However, I am remarried and have been remarried for 17 years. My current husband has raised our son since he was in first grade. My current husband and I are giving the rehearsal dinner which is turning out to be a very formal affair. There will be 60-70 in attendance, we are having live music, a formal cake, a lovely dinner at the nicest place in town. My ex did not want to host this with me, so he has decided to pay for our son's honeymoon, which is very generous. Question 1: At the rehearsal dinner should my current husband give toast? Or should I?
Question 2: I know we thank the parents of the bride for hosting the wedding, can we thank my ex for gifting the honeymoon, so he doesn't feel left out? How do I word that?
Question 3: Where should I sit him and his live in girlfriend at the rehearsal?
Question 4: Would it be okay to have my youngest son (He's 11) give the blessing or prayer before the meal instead of the minister?
Question 5: Is there a specific agenda for the rehearsal? Do the toasts happen first? ETC.
Thank you.

[tickle]

Either times have changed, or I have been under a rock but reshearsal 'get together' used to be very informal. Just a casual gathering after the final rehearsal at the church, no fancy dress just 'come as you are'. Burgers and beer and happy reminiscing and fun.

I know I am not specifically answering your question, Mother of the Groom. Thanking the parents of the bride for hosting the wedding should be done at the wedding (but not written in stone because it is really a given as tradition goes). Where your ex sits at the rehearsal, as I said above, really doesn't matter. You should be more concerned where he will sit at the wedding with his g/f and lastly, no your ll year old should not give the blessing, that is always left to the minister who married the couple because the blessing is coming from the Church's representative.

What you are describing are concerns for the wedding reception, as I have come to understand.

However, good luck.

[Mom of groom]

Dear Tickled,
Thank you for your response. However, where we live rehearsal dinners are from the very formal to the very informal. Usually depending on budget and what the couple wants to have. I am having the rehearsal dinner for my son and daugher-in-law. This is what they wanted. My ex-husband will be sitting on the first row with my husband and I at the wedding, and all grandmothers which is fine. Everything I have read, says the parents of the groom are suppose to toast the new couple at the rehearsal dinner, and during thank the parents of the bride for hosting the wedding. I'm sure at the wedding I will thank them again but my husband and I do Not plan on making any toasts at the wedding reception. Maybe it's location but here that's just not done. The best man and maid of honor are the only toasting people in the wedding. Although, I've been to a few weddings out of state that people were lined up to toast the couple, and honestly, I think it's too much. It also eats the time out of your reception and dancing. Again, that is just MY opinion. The kids do not attend church at all, so the minister will be someone they don't know. It may just be a Justice of the peace. So that's why I was asking about my son giving the blessing or prayer. Plus, he's the only family member without a specific job since he's so young, we thought that may make him feel like he has a duty or can do something special for his brother. If the minister or JP gives it, it will not be memoriable to them, but it would his brother. Again, thank you for your response, I appreciate the time it took.

[flossie]

Any wedding I have attended the grooms family welcomed the bride to the family at the reception.

The rehearsal dinner was generally just for the wedding party and perhaps out of town family that would be in town for the event.

I think the bride and groom should be the ones thanking the families for providing them with such wonderful parties (rehearsal party and wedding). It IS them who should be grateful that their families are footing the bill for everything. Same with the honeymoon, it should be the bride and groom who thank him for paying for their holiday.

The bride and groom seem to be the ones calling the shots and having everything covered financially for them. They MUST thank the parents in public.

As for the 11 yr old brother, why isn't he a junior groomsman? I'm sure he could escort people to their seats.

The wedding you say is in June and you don't know if you have a minister or a JP?? I would have thought this would have been booked long ago. I agree with tickle, the minister or a senior member of the family should say the blessing. To me, the blessing just doesn't have the same meaning coming from a child.

Maybe your 11 year old could make a toast to his new sister-in-law at the reception?